The Pendulum: Rescue Dogs

I used to be adamant about 'adopt don't shop' when it came to getting a new dog.

But living on a farm and having children has balanced my views somewhat.

Don't get me wrong....if I was looking for a dog that was to be purely a pet, I would be looking at animal shelters first. However, dogs are different to cats. Different breeds of dogs are bred for different purposes. I've had non-country friends ask me why we got Maya and Gypsy as puppies. Why didn't we get a rescue dog and train it to work with sheep?

Well, because you can't just get any old dog and teach it new tricks. It's the ignorance of city people. You need a dog with the right instinct...kelpies, border collies. Pedigree is important. If both parents are good working dogs, then the greater the chances their pups will be, too....but not always.

I'm also wary of rescue dogs now that I have small children. Some dogs have had no training, or are mentally scarred from abuse at the hands of their previous owners. These dogs need a lot of time and effort, which I just don't have in this stage of life. You need to read the description about each dog on the animal rescue's website or Facebook page. Volunteers foster dogs and assess their suitability to be around children or other pets. Some dogs are not patient with children. If I'm adopting it from a person I don't know (without going through an animal rescue organisation), I'm even more wary.

So, for me, if looking for a pet dog, I'd look at adopting first.

But if you can't find one that suits your family and stage of life, that's ok. If you need a working dog, obviously you need a particular type of dog. Don't feel bad if you choose a puppy. Don't be afraid of being lynched by the pro rescue dog, adopt-don't-shop mob.

The Pendulum: Social Media and Me

I'm in a bit of a quandary about my usage of social media at the moment, so I'm wondering what others think about this?

Do you just post whatever interests you on social media?  Or do you 'tone it down' so your 'friends' don't become annoyed or offended?

I'm usually a firm adherer to the rule that your blog, your Facebook page etc. is YOUR chunk of cyberspace, and how you express yourself is up to you.  I'm not advocating ungodliness here, rather that if you want to post one hundred photos of your cat, or share articles about gun control, or funny memes, then it's YOUR page to do it on.  If someone doesn't like it....well....they need to suck it up.

But lately I've noticed that the trend to unfriend over the slightest thing is growing.  People being unfriended because they post too many photos of their kids, or are honest about their fight against depression, pose for too many selfies, are too political, share too much about their weight loss journey.  It's not only a difference of opinion that's causing the unfriending, but a difference of interests.  I'm sick of the way you post about motorbikes all the time, so I'm ending the online friendship.

As much as people might say unfriending is 'not personal', it IS personal.  It is a rejection in some way, and sometimes over the pettiest of reasons. So many people seem determined to only have a friends list who affirms their opinions and shares every interest.

I don't want to post deeply sordid things, but I do want to share articles and quotes that I am passionate about.  I don't want other mums to feel like they're the only ones struggling.  But I've been a victim of unfriending because people simply don't like what I post. These aren't people I don't see anymore; these people I see regularly.

I don't want to bow to people pleasing, but if the whole point of social media is to be social, should we care what others think, to an extent?

So, has someone's rejection of your online presence made you reconsider what you post?

Or do you continue to post what you want, saying it's my way or the highway?

The Pendulum: No-one is an Island

One of the key arguments for the 'Yes' side of the same-sex marriage debate in Australia is that gay people getting married doesn't hurt anyone else.  If it doesn't affect us, we just need to mind our own business.  (This article begs to differ)

That's the argument for many decisions people make every day....it's none of your business, it's not hurting you.  In a way, I agree.  Some of my decisions are mine (or mine and Duncan's) to make.  Why does it bother people if my child still has a dummy, or isn't toilet-trained by the time they think they should be?  Why does it bother someone else if we're against using the 'cry it out' method for sleep training?  Their sleep isn't being affected.

But that's not the case with all decisions.  No person is an island.  Some of our decisions DO affect others.  For example, I might decide that disciplining my children is wrong and they should be 'free spirited'.  It's all well and good to say that this parenting philosophy doesn't affect anyone....until my children go to school and their teachers have to deal with them, shoppers and diners have to deal with their unruly behaviour in public, other parents have to put up with trashed houses and disrespect during play dates.

Some of my decisions are mine to make.  God has given me freedom and, although others may have a different opinion, I will have to wear the consequences of my decision.

Other decisions have severe ramifications.

Think through your decision-making carefully.

The Pendulum: Not Wishing It On Anyone, But Not Wanting To Be Alone

Having postnatal depression has been one of the toughest experiences of my life.  Sorry to use a cliche, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

However (and I feel kind of evil for saying this), I do sometimes wish someone else I know had it.  All of the friends I have that have/had postnatal depression, I have met through the Mother Baby Unit, or in groups dedicated to helping mothers recover from PND.  I only know of two people that I met in everyday life that have confessed to having had major PND (both before I met them).

Therefore, I feel kind of lonely.  The statistics say that one in seven mums will suffer from postnatal depression.  Either they hide it very well, or the stats just seem wrong.  Of course, many mums will admit to having had the baby blues or mild PND, but when it comes to being hospitalised and suffering majorly, I appear to be alone.  I've watched friends have babies recently and they appear to just be coasting on by.  Yes, they admit the sleep deprivation is tough, but otherwise they said they're doing well.

I don't want mums to suffer...I just don't want to feel alone.

The Pendulum: Education

I'm about to finalise Rory's kindergarten enrolment for next year.  Can you scarcely believe my baby is off to school next year.

School decisions don't create the same angst as they do among my city friends, simply due to the lack of options.  Here, we have the choice of:

• Our local public district high school, which caters from kindergarten to Year 10.
• A local (private) Catholic primary school, from kindergarten to Year 6.
• A public primary school in a town slightly further away (kindergarten to Year 6).
• Homeschooling.

We have chosen to send Rory to the local district high school for these reasons:

• It's public and therefore we can afford it.  Fees are voluntary contribution.  We cannot afford to go private, even if we wanted to.
• Most people we've talked to who actually have kids attending the school have been very happy with it, especially for the primary school years.  The 'scary' stories have been from those who have never set foot in the school, and live off the opinions of the media and local gossips.
• We are not Catholic and don't agree with the Catholic teaching he would be receiving at the Catholic school.  If you're sending your kid to a private 'religious' school, I think it's important that you abide by the school's ethos.  I hear so many non-Christian parents complaining that their kids have to attend chapel at their swanky boarding school in Perth.  Seriously, lady, you knew that when you enrolled your kids there that chapel attendance was a requirement.  If you can't abide by the school rules, go public.  I think Catholic teaching would confuse Rory and it's not Christian - the role of priests and Mary, being 'confirmed' when he may not even be a Christian.  I like the Catholic school for the great , close-knit school community it has, but Duncan was adamant he doesn't want our boys going there, so I respect that.  However, Duncan said that if the public schools here introduce the Safe Schools programme, Rory will be off to the Catholic school in no time!
• I want Rory to rub shoulders with all sorts of kids, not just ones I would choose for him.  I want him to learn that there are all sorts of people out there, who don't necessarily believe what we do and I want to help him think critically, lovingly and wisely about how to respond to that as he grows.  I've shared my testimony on here about how I became a Christian partly due to the experience of having Christian friends at a public high school and watching them live out their faith in an often challenging context.  Now, we're not sending to him to the public school to share his testimony - obviously he doesn't even have a testimony at the moment, because he doesn't understand the gospel.  Rather it's so he gets an accurate view of the world he lives in.  I don't want him growing up in a protected Christian 'bubble', so if he goes to uni or out into the workforce, it's going to be a rude shock.
• He can catch the bus from near our house.

Some more of my rambling, unfiltered thoughts on education for kids in general, in no particular order:

• I am generally against homeschooling for reasons such as the kid doesn't like school, or the parents' belief that the kid should only learn things that interest them (unschooling), or that they're afraid their kid won't become a Christian if they rub shoulders with non-Christian kids.  However, I think it can be the best choice if the child has a certain disability, or if they are being severely bullied and the issues cannot be resolved, when there isn't the option of them simply attending another school (such as out here).
• Parents letting their kids miss school so they can have 'date days' with their parent/s (usually the mum) really annoy me.  It seems to have become a hit with Christian parents on my Facebook news feed, and I often find myself looking at pictures of mums and kids painting each others' nails, watching movies, or hanging out at cafes.  Yes, it won't matter in the big scheme of things if your child misses one day of school.  Yes, it's nice to spend one-on-one time with each of your children.  Yes, the education system is flawed and expects too much of kids.  But why do they not simply have the 'date day' after school or on the weekend?  And if after school and weekends are too crammed full of extracurricular activities, then maybe the parents need to re-evaluate that.  I can see why teachers get annoyed at students missing school for no good reason.  After all, many parents take their kids out of school, then complain about why their kids aren't doing well academically.  The poor teachers get sandwiched in the middle between an unrealistic curriculum and irate parents.
• The whole 'students learning in nature' thing seems to be a big hit with a lot of my friends who are parents.  I'm not so convinced.  Yes, I think learning outside has its benefits.  Small children aren't able to sit still all day behind a desk.  But while it will engage and help some students, it will alienate others.  Personally, a school dedicated to spending all day in the bush would have been my idea of schooling hell.  I hated maths, but being outside counting sticks for maths class would not have made it more enjoyable.
• There is no way that a teacher can cater for every student's individual learning style ALL of the time. 
• Kids have to learn that they will have to do things they don't like and just suck it up.  Life is full of not-so-enjoyable moments.  It's part of preparing for life in this world; even your dream job has parts that aren't so fun.
• While I like the idea of the learning at your own pace style that Montessori/Reggio education offers, it doesn't really prepare students for life after school.  I don't like the idea of kids feeling stressed and left behind.  But you can't go into uni or a job learning at your own pace.  Somewhere along the line there has to be a transition.  At what age, I'm not sure.
• I am VERY opposed to Christians who insist that all Christian parents send their children to Christian schools.  Not all parents can afford the fees, for a start. No school will make a child a Christian; that is God's saving grace in Jesus.  Duncan and I are primarily responsible for teaching our children about Jesus and we have extended family, friends, and church to help with this.  A Christian school may be a blessing, but there are other Christians who see it very differently; they see going to a public school as part of being salt and light to the world.  I know a few Christian friends who are teachers in the public system and feel strongly about staying there for that reason.  They don't like other Christians telling them to teach in a Christian school and dislike Christian schools trying to poach teachers from public schools.
• There are advantages to being in a Christian school and in a public school.  In a Christian school, teachers and students are not hindered in spreading the gospel.  In a public school, they get to witness to people who may never have seen a Christian up close.
• I cannot stand 'closed' Christian schools, where only kids with at least one Christian parent can attend.  What is the point of that kind of school?  It must be there to protect kids from non-Christian kids, kids like I was (I find that offensive and snobby).  Clearly the school doesn't exist for outreach if they don't let non-Christians in.  One of the reasons I've heard for justifying the existence of these kinds of schools is that it's pointless to teach non-Christian kids about Jesus when they're going to go home and have their parents tell them its a load of crap.  Umm what about GOD being the one to do miracles in people's lives, huh?  Then these same people are big supporters of having Scripture classes in public schools.  The mind boggles.
• I think Christian schools should always employ Christian staff and this right should be protected.
• However, I also want my kids to receive a good education.  I'm not paying thousands of dollars per year to send my kids to a Christian school to not learn anything of importance.  I want them to be able to have the option of going to uni.  The trouble with only having Christian teachers is that it drastically reduces the pool of suitable candidates for a teaching position.  The teachers may be strong Christians, but not necessarily great educators.  And even if all teachers are Christian, there is always going to be a variety of denominations, maturity of faith, and viewpoints on all sorts of issues.  No teacher is going to teach everything you agree with all the time just because they are a Christian.

So, there you have it.  My rambling overopinionated views on stuff I probably don't really know much about.  It's ok to change your mind.  Two godly people can make very different decisions.  Kids are all different.  As the years go by, depending on Rory's personality, academic ability, and faith, we may feel he needs a Christian school or homeschooling.

And that is ok.

The Pendulum: Gratitude in all Seasons

I'll admit that grumbling is a sin I've perfected.  Before I became a parent, I thought that parents (particularly mums) whinged about their kids and the trials of parenting far too much.  My Facebook feed was full of it.  For heaven's sake, I thought, just be grateful you have kids at all.  So many people can't.

But now I'm in a different stage of life, I can fully relate.  It's very tempting to use Facebook to have one big whinge.

I hear a lot of childless people telling parents to be grateful for the family they have and the circumstances they find themselves in.  This is true!  I should be more grateful for my little family than I am at times.

But these rebukes have also irked me.  Not just because I was being corrected about my attitude, but because THEIR attitude was also wrong.  I think some single people assume that being married and having children will cure all of their problems.  That they'll no longer experience loneliness.  That they'll be happier and more fulfilled.

I've wanted to say to some single people, "DON'T covet my life."  Not because my life is always terrible, but because what they're seeing is not reality.  They're often seeing what they want to see.  But I haven't said anything because I feared it may sound cruel.

I can see it now in hindsight, that there is also much to be thankful for about singleness - time to spend with other loved ones, time to enjoy a career, more time to yourself, less restrictions when it comes to serving at church....

Some married people with kids need to be told to be thankful, but some single people also need to be told to be thankful and not to covet.

The Pendulum: Baby Milestones

I definitely have a love-hate relationship with baby milestones.

I always thought I'd be pretty content for Rory to do things like crawling/walking/talking in his own time.  And I was content....before others told me I shouldn't be.  Some people seemed most concerned that Rory wasn't yet doing things that their kids/grandkids were doing at the same age.  Sometimes it has been health professionals who've said things that got me worried, but mostly it has been other parents.

I can see why milestones are very useful.  They can be reassuring for first-time parents, like myself, who want to know what is 'normal'.  If there are developmental delays, there can be early intervention.

But, on the other hand, milestones tend to treat kids like robots.  It's expected that they all be the same, moving along like a herd.  People say 'every child develops at their own pace' and 'there is a wide range of normal', but, in reality, it often feels like strangers are watching your child with beady eyes, waiting to see if there is something 'wrong'.

I've already had two people tell me they think Rory is autistic.  This has angered me no end because these people are NOT health professionals.  They were targeting one aspect of his behaviour - he likes to line up his plastic toy animals in rows - instead of looking at it as a whole.  After the first person said they thought he was displaying an early sign of autism, I looked into it and that is the only 'red flag' he has.  He's very interactive, makes good eye contact, and definitely has a wide range of interests, not just sorting things.  Besides, isn't 'sorting' a normal toddler behaviour anyway?  There seems to be so many people paranoid about autism today.  I'm part of an Albany mums' Facebook group and so many women on there seem to be worrying endlessly about 'sensory activities' and if their child doesn't like wearing a woolly jumper or something, they must be diagnosed as having Sensory Processing Disorder or ASD (I hated woolly jumpers as a kid and I'm not autistic).

I've also had our child health nurse say she is concerned that Rory does not say enough words for his age; apparently he's supposed to be saying around 50 words, but he says nowhere near that, and some of the words he doesn't say very clearly.  He could be looking at speech therapy if he isn't improving by age two.  He chatters all the time and understands pretty much everything I say, he just doesn't speak clearly or have as wide a vocabulary as some kids his age.  I don't mind going to speech therapy if that's what he needs, it just seems like there's so much pressure on kids to do more and more at younger ages.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad to have the health system we have.  I just often feel like I'm to blame if my child is not accomplishing things, which isn't fair on him because I want him to just enjoy being a toddler.  People often jump to the conclusion that the reason he's not great at speaking is because we let him use iPads or iPhones which couldn't be further from the truth....we don't even let him TOUCH them.

Karen, if you're reading this, I'd really appreciate any comments or advice you have.

The Pendulum: Shopping Locally

There has been a 'Try Local' campaign in my local community in recent times, with the tagline 'it might just surprise you.'  I think it's to counter the popular belief that local is always more expensive if you live in a country town.  I know for a fact that it's certainly not always true.

Five years ago, when I was working in retail, I saw a dress for $40 in the shop I was working at.  I later saw the same dress at Harbourtown (Perth's direct factory shopping outlet) for double the price!  Harbourtown is meant to be cheap!

The trouble is that a lot of country people don't even give their local retailers a chance!  They don't even step inside the shop, they just assume that Perth or online will be much cheaper.

I try to shop locally where I can.  It's vital in a small town.  If you don't, it can have much wider reaching consequences for the town's population and infrastructure than it would if a city shop closed down.

But sometimes I don't shop locally.  If the employees are rude, the prices just ridiculous, or the goods and services really poor quality, then I will take my business elsewhere.

The Pendulum: Tattoos

I wore fake tattoo sleeves for the play...I think this is why I'm thinking about this topic.  A lot of people in town don't know me and thought the tattoos were real.  When they found out I'm a Christian, they were surprised.

It's amazing how many Christians think that to be a Christian you have to be anti-tattoos.  They quote Leviticus 19:28 to back up their position:

Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.

But that doesn't wash with me.  If you're going to say that verse is binding for Christians today then you also have to enforce laws such as not trimming your beard or wearing clothing made of two different types of material.

In context, the verse seems to be about God's people, Israel, not practising divination.  So, any tattoos with links to Satan or the occult is obviously not on for Christians today.

I think the conservative objections to tattoos seem to be more cultural than scriptural.  There seems to be a consensus among older Christians that being a Christian is to be 'anti-scruffiness', which includes long hair for guys, dreadlocks, dyed hair, piercings...and tattoos.

My personal view is that tattoos are a wisdom issue.  I don't encourage people to get tattoos, and I don't think Christians need to get inked in order to relate to non-Christians.  Some tattoos look great and others look tacky.  Before getting a tattoo, everyone should ask themselves the following questions:

• Will you regret this in later years?  Will this tattoo look ridiculous on an older person?  What about when you get wrinkly?  Tattoos are permanent.  Yes, you can get them lasered off, but that is expensive.
  
• Is it a wise use of money?  Getting a tattoo isn't cheap.  If you think about eternity, could your money be better spent on something else (that applies to lots of things)?  It's amazing the amount of people who complain about having no money, but always seem to find the money for tattoos.  Hmmm.
  
•  What is it you're getting tattooed?  Who is the tattooist?  Don't get something dodgy or done by someone who is heavily into the occult.  What does the tattoo show about who you are?  I think it's unwise for women to get tattoos somewhere that is 'suggestive' (i.e. the top of their breast) and then complain about men ogling at it.  Having a Bible verse tattooed may help you remember it, and may open doors for interesting conversations with non-Christians, but there are plenty of other ways to memorise Bible verses and start conversations.

• Will the tattoo hinder you getting a job?  I personally don't care if someone with tattoos and piercings serves me; I care more about whether they are polite and helpful, rather than what they look like.  Not all employers see it that way though.
   

I don't think Christians should be judged for having tattoos any more than they should for having pierced ears or using hair dye to cover up greys. I've considered getting one, but I won't because there's nothing that I can think of that I'd want tattooed.  Also, I couldn't stand the pain!

What are your personal views on tattoos?

The Pendulum: The Bible Says This....But Also This

Back to the topic of judging, there are a lot of passages that are constantly quoted (usually when someone is annoyed that their dodgy actions are being questioned), but others seem to be ignored.

The Bible says:
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. - Matthew 7:1

But it also says:
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked person from among you." - 1 Corinthians 5:12-13

Jesus said:
"Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." - John 8:7

But He also said:
"Go now and leave your life of sin." - John 8:11

The Bible says:
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9

But it also says:
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? - Romans 6:1-2

The Bible says:
Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only. - Luke 4:8

But it also says:
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.  The authorities that exist have been established by God.  Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgement on themselves. - Romans 13:1-2


The Bible does not contradict itself. All of these truths go together.

The Pendulum: Black and White Versus Grey

I think there are two dangerous positions when it comes to being a follower of Jesus.

One is that everything is black and white.  A friend's husband once said very emphatically that everything in the Bible is black and white, and there is no such thing as 'grey areas'.  I actually do not think a lot of the things he considers black and white to be black and white at all.

The other is everything is grey.  In this postmodern age, this position seems to be the most subtle among Christians, and the most dangerous.  Suddenly nothing can be seen as absolutely true, only what is true for you (which may not be true for someone else).  Everything in the Bible is evaluated by personal experience, and clear commands are altered to fit our 'experiences'.  We start talking about 'faith lenses'.  Yes, how we come to the Bible is influenced a lot by our background, but that does not mean our background and experiences are a litmus test for what is true.

While there are some very clear commands in the Bible, I think it's fair to say that when it comes to application, there are a lot of dilemmas and grey areas.  Just when you think something couldn't be easier to apply, along comes a situation which makes you really think about how to be faithful to Jesus in that particular circumstance.

Of course, the logical question is which issues are black and white and which are grey?  I don't want to get into unnecessary debates here.

All I want to say is that it's easier to be either legalistic or lawless, rather than adopt a response to different life situations which is shaped by grace.

The Pendulum: Jesus' Death and Resurrection

Easter....where Jesus' death and resurrection are both reflected on.

Too often I think Christians focus almost solely on Jesus' death.  It often sounds like we follow a dead Lord rather than a risen one.  The cross is significant, but so is the empty tomb.  We must not neglect the resurrection.  Without it we would still be in our sins.  If Jesus did not defeat death, the last enemy, then we have no hope of life beyond the grave.

On the other hand, it's very easy to want to focus on the resurrection, and skip over the agony Jesus faced, both physically at the hands of His creation, and spiritually as His Father turned His face away.  The resurrection is happier.  It is good news.  It is often like this at Christian funerals where the focus seems to be almost exclusively on celebrating that the deceased person is with Jesus, but forgetting that death is still not a good thing, that there is a break in relationships between now and when Jesus returns.  I've often felt like I'd rather just skip Good Friday services because they're too sombre, and go to Easter Sunday services instead.  But we need to hear about Good Friday.  We need to know the seriousness of sin which is rejecting our Creator, the depravity of the human heart.  We need to know the awful cost of what God went through to be both just and merciful.  He does not simply sweep sin under the carpet and say, "I forgive you in my heart."  Forgiveness is expensive.

We need to hear the bad news (that Jesus died) before we can hear the good news (that He rose again).

Because Jesus rose again, all will rise again one day.  All will experience a full bodily resurrection when He returns.  The question is...will you rise for an eternity with Jesus...or eternal separation from Him?

Image from here

The Pendulum: Come Lord Jesus....But Not Yet

Is it just me or does anyone feel torn between wanting Jesus to return right now, and wanting Him to hold off just a bit longer?

There's nothing quite like suffering (mine and others') to give me some perspective.  It makes me cry out, "Come Lord Jesus!"  Come and end the pain, the heartache, the tears, the sin, the cursed creation.

But other times I'm just far too complacent.  Life is peachy.  There are things I want to do before I die or Jesus returns (whichever comes first). 

I also want to Jesus to delay His return so that my non-Christian friends and family have time to repent and turn to Him.

At the moment I'm leaning towards the "Come Lord Jesus" side.  But then as I sit and type this in my parents' lounge room in Albany I'm reminded that they do not yet kneel before Jesus as Lord, and I pray that He changes their hearts....soon.

The Pendulum: Breastfeeding or Bottle Feeding

I've never really had a strong opinion when it comes to feeding babies.  I'm still breastfeeding Rory, but it was tough to start with.  I thought I'd do it for six months and then stop.  In the beginning it was a battle to get to six weeks.  Now bubba and I have found our groove and his six month birthday is fast approaching, I'm not sure I want to stop.  Whereas before Rory would drink anything from anything, now he's decided he only wants breasts.  Expressed breastmilk from a bottle won't do; it must be fresh...straight from the cow, if you like.  This makes it difficult for me to leave him with anyone else for a reasonable period of time.

I stopped seeing breastfeeding as a dreaded chore when I went to hospital.  I learnt to see it as time out with my little man and it got easier.  I've mastered the whole feeding discreetly in public thing and we seem to have a good thing going on.

However, I can see there are also a lots of positives when it comes to bottle feeding.  Duncan wanted me to stop feeding so he could help out with feeds with me not being well.  I appreciate this, but I told him I'm not sure I want to stop at six months....and I don't think Rory will be happy if I stop anyway.

Here are the pros and cons I can see for both:

BREASTFEEDING

PROS

• Convenient, no preparation required, always on tap, always the right temperature, no wastage.
• Nice bonding time with Rory.
• Great for weight loss.  I find I can pretty much eat without worrying about packing on the kilos.

CONS

• Can sometimes be difficult to feed in public with conservative people around who disapprove no matter how discreet you are attempting to be.
• Sore nipples.
• I'm the only one who can feed him so I can't have extended times away from him.
• I have to consider what I eat and if it might be affecting him.

BOTTLE FEEDING

PROS

• Anyone can feed him.  Duncan and I could go away for a night together and leave Rory in someone else's care.
• Can feed more openly without worrying if people disapprove or are having a perve.
• He drinks quicker from a bottle (when he did happily drink from bottles).
• I don't have to worry that what I eat might be upsetting him.

CONS

• I would have to watch what I eat regarding putting on weight.
• More preparation and washing up.
• If I forget to pack his bottles he's going to go hungry.

Hmmm what to do.

The Pendulum: Depression and Anxiety

Since being officially diagnosed with postnatal depression I've done a fair bit of pondering over the past few weeks.  The main questions I keep rehashing in my mind are:

Am I sick?
Or am I sinning?
Or is it a bit of both?

If depression is an 'illness', am I responsible for my actions?
Or is it like cancer in that it solely needs to be treated by medication alone?
Do I have a part to play?

I've found the Christian and the secular approaches to depression and anxiety to be both helpful and unhelpful as I've been in recovery.  While many Christians do see depression as a mental illness, and I've had many Christian friends from church and elsewhere who've offered AMAZING support, Christians with depression are always going to encounter the, Anxiety is a sin, and, You need to have joy in the Lord responses.  These responses are truly shattering if you have depression.  Yes, there is truth that we are all guilty of not trusting God and giving way to fear and anxiety, but to say such blunt things to a fellow Christian who is suffering is cruel to say the least.  I do not want to be depressed and I do not want to be anxious.  I want to have joy in the Lord.  But I am also sick and need medication to help me think clearly.  I know some Christians are sceptical about mental illness, thinking that doctors hand out anti-depressants like they're lollies, but I can honestly say medication has been a real blessing for me.  I'm gradually starting to feel like myself for the first time in a long time.  I can see why it is tempting to be treated entirely by the secular approach.  Non-Christians tend to offer a lot more sympathy.

There are inevitably many secular approaches that I find unhelpful or limited in their helpfulness.  As great as psychologists can be, I find it hard to have conversations when we have such differing worldviews.  I need to be reminded that God is sovereign, not to 'believe in myself'.  I am not strong; I am weak, but I have a great God who wants to shoulder my burdens.  For this reason I'm hoping to see a Christian counsellor when I get discharged.  I need someone who sees depression as an illness, but reminds me that God is there and that He has paid the penalty for all my sin.

Having said all that, I do really appreciate the holistic approach that this place is offering me.  Obviously it is lacking in the spiritual sense, but I have found the practical nature of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to be beneficial.  The staff here acknowledge that I am unwell and need medication to help me get well, but I also need to do some of the work.  I have to confront my anxiety about going out in public with Rory.  The medication helps stabilise my mood so I can then start examining and correcting negative thought patterns that have built up over time (and there are a lot of them).

Am I sick?  Yes.
Am I accountable?  Yes.

Satan knows that if he attacks the mind, then it is often more harmful than if he were to attack the body alone.  A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? Proverbs 18:14.

I found this article, Double Dangers: Maximizing and Minimizing Mental Illness (via In All Honesty) to be very useful in pondering this subject.

The Pendulum: Church Music

I don't know if there is anything that divides churches more than music.  It turns supposedly mature adults into catty, nitpicky juveniles.

Too many hymns, not enough hymns, not enough Hillsong, Hillsong sucks, too many slow songs, too many songs with lines that repeat over and over....

For something that is meant to be about bringing praise to God, music can be a real pain in the butt.

When it comes to church music, I have eclectic taste.  Some hymns are good, some 1960s songs are good, some new stuff is good.  Whether it's rock, jazz, or even rap, there are good songs in each genre.

Music is about worshipping God and publicly declaring truths about Him through song in order to build each other up.

It's NOT about personal tastes.  Sometimes you just need to be mature and accept the fact that you will not like every song sung at church.  I once heard an older person complain that they don't like any of the music sung in Perth churches.  Really?  They've visited EVERY church in Perth in order to know that?  I seriously doubt it.

Despite what some people may think, hymns are not holier than thou.  Just because something was written between 1500 and 1900 and has Shakespearean type language does not make it a good or helpful song.

Here are the questions I like to ask of a song:

• Is it true?  Is it based on the Bible?  Not necessarily directly quoting verses (although songs based on Bible passages are really helpful in teaching you to memorise Scripture), but is it theologically sound?
• Is it understandable?  Some hymns are lovely, but if I'm honest, I'm not too sure what I'm actually singing about.  A song can't build up Christians if they can't understand the lyrics.
• Does it build up fellow Christians or does it cause unnecessary divisions?

Personally, I think songs need to have a good melody as well as good lyrics otherwise it makes it hard to enjoy singing it (I really don't like the arrangements of some songs), but that's just my opinion. 

So church music is not about satisfying the oldies with a certain quota of hymns, or having the latest funky Christian music in order to attract youth or non-Christians.

Before you judge a song because of its era, have a listen.  You might be surprised.

I sure have been.

This post has been entered in the March edition of the Christian Blog Carnival. If you're a Christian blogger and would like to enter one of your recent posts, submit it here today.

The Pendulum: Service and Spiritual Gifts

Some churches are really big on every member discovering where their gifts and passions lie so they can serve Jesus and the church in those areas.  Often they run 'spiritual gift courses' so you can find out how God has wired you and where you should serve.

But many people in the evangelical circles I associate with sneer at such a view.  "What?  You need a spiritual gift for stacking chairs?"  They lean more towards the 'everyone can do everything' view.  If you see a need in the church, you should just step in and serve.  Don't worry about whether you're 'gifted' or not.

I sit in the middle.

I do not believe everyone can do everything.  I think Scripture is clear that the church is a body made up of many different parts.  Each part is needed to serve Christ.  While special emphasis is placed on teaching, all gifts are valuable in building up the church.  In fact, teaching is serious business.  Not everyone should do it.  There are special criteria for serving as an elder or a deacon.  It's not a matter of just filling gaps.  While it's true that there is no real talent or giftedness required for stacking chairs, not everyone can do it either (the elderly or people with disabilities, for instance).  If you start to believe everyone can do everything, then it can lead to people feeling used and like square pegs being cut to fit round holes.  I felt like that when I kept getting nagged to teach Sunday School.  In the end I gave it a go, but I found it very difficult and stressful.  I wanted to serve in other areas.

Yet, I also think that some churches place too much emphasis on possessing spiritual gifts and forget about what they're for.  The emphasis should be on using those gifts to build up the church, not the person with the gift using it for their own fulfilment or so they can feel superior to others.

The problem comes when churches try to build their congregational activities on a certain model.  The church up the road has a Sunday School, youth group, ladies' fellowship etc so we need to have those groups too.  They forget that there is no rule saying a church needs to have those formal ministries, and start to accuse members of being lazy if they don't want to serve in those areas.

I like what The Trellis and the Vine has to say about building ministries around the gifts of those in the church.  If there are a number of people passionate about reaching out to the elderly, for example, then let's get those people together and train and encourage them to pursue this, rather than forcing them into areas they are less suited to.

But I can also see that sometimes the church is presented with certain needs and somehow those needs need to be met e.g. there are all these kids in the church; who is going to teach them?  Although, having said that, my husband grew up in a church where there was no Sunday School and he had to just sit still and draw or something during the service.  He reckons if there aren't enough Sunday School teachers then it's perfectly ok not to have Sunday School every week, rather than overburdening the teachers.  He said he didn't think it did him any harm to learn to sit still with the adults (even though he is an 'outdoorsy' fellow).

Can people learn new skills, even if they feel they don't possess a certain gift?  Absolutely.  But some people are gifted by God and will find it easier.  Some people find it naturally easy to speak in front of an audience and have very little or no fear.  Others battle with nerves every week, but keep on doing it anyway.  The quiet 'behind the scenes' people can be encouraged to step out of their comfort zone and try something 'up front', while the leaders and teachers should not feel or be treated like they are above stacking chairs or cleaning.  But being more of a 'behind the scenes' person, rather than a leader or organiser, I am happy to take on the less flashy roles to free up the leaders to lead and teach.

God has given each congregation who He has given them for a reason.  Rather than lamenting over the fact that they need more musicians or service leaders or Sunday School teachers, congregations need to learn to give thanks for who they DO have in their midst, and encourage those people to serve and honour Christ in all that they do.

The Pendulum: Christians and the Environment

With climate change and the carbon tax still featuring prominently in Australian politics, it seems that many people I've spoken to seem to fit into one of two camps when it comes to election time:

The Environment Religion
We need to be spending our time saving the planet by reducing waste, taxing companies which pollute, having environmentally-friendly homes, recycling...and even having less children.

The Environment Doesn't Matter
If I want to get in my car and drive 10 seconds down the road instead of walking, I'll do it.  If I want to litter, I'll do it.  Recycling is too hard and I don't want to be bothered.  Bring on disposable plates, utensils, nappies...  God is going to create a new earth anyway.  Who are you to tell me how to live?

When it comes to following Jesus, I think there is a third way.  It's the way that recognises that making God's name known should be our number one priority, and that our main focus should be people...not animals, not the earth.  Yet, this way also recognises that God appointed people to rule over creation on His behalf, and that rule involves not abusing what He has made, but caring for it as we have been commanded to do.  Just because our world is marred by the effects of sin does not excuse God's people from this command.  The creation is still 'very good'.  Yes, God will make a new heavens and a new earth, but that does not free us from our obligation to care for this one.

I also believe that we are to enjoy this creation.  We are to delight in what God has made and thank Him for it.  We are to feast on the abundance of good things He has provided us with.  We are to worship the Creator and delight in beautiful beaches, forests and gorges.  The trouble is that the world gets this confused.  Many people make 'saving the planet' their religion and forget about the God who created it.

The other extreme is frugality.  Years ago there was a segment on Today Tonight called 'Perth's Biggest Scrooge'.  This featured people who reused their teabags and Glad Wrap, but the winner was a guy who refused to let his wife have a hot bath!  I'm not sure if these people were being frugal to save money or to save the environment, but I don't think this is the right way to live.  You can be wise in the way you use the resources at your disposal without being a stinge.

Personally I think many Christians could learn a lot from their non-Christian friends who try to live more sustainably.  I remember not long after I became a Christian, I got a lift with some Christian friends.  I was eating in their car and asked them if they had a rubbish bag.  Suddenly the window next to me came down and the driver turned around and smiled at me, indicating I should toss my rubbish onto the road.  Ummm....no!  I've met Christians who don't recycle because they think it's too hard or they don't read the instructions for what goes in the recycling bin and end up chucking in a pizza box with old pizza still inside it.  Yuck!  Come on guys.  It's not that difficult.  Each city/shire will indicate which items are recyclable and which aren't.  I don't know why some people ooh and aah like I'm some kind of saint when they find out we recycle.  It's such a basic thing that everyone can do.

Caring for the environment is not a religion.  Christians should be focused on telling the gospel to all who will hear so God's name will be praised throughout the earth.  But caring for what He has made is something we should do to bring glory to Him.

Amanda wrote an excellent post three years ago called Environmentalism or Frugal Living (or a Bit of Both).  Check it out.

The Pendulum: War and ANZAC Day

Yesterday was ANZAC Day here in Australia.  It is one of my country's most special holidays.  For some who consider themselves non-religious, ANZAC Day is the day they would consider holy and sacred.

I've been doing some thinking about how I, as a Christian, feel about ANZAC Day and war.  Once again, I'm caught in the middle.  For me, ANZAC Day is a day of thankfulness, remembrance and national pride.  But I do not glorify war.

Last year, Duncan and I watched Gallipoli (a movie I have watched many times since childhood) and I found myself crying for the first time.  I was struck by the absolute horrors of war, the waste of young men's lives.  If war can be avoided, then it should be.  I just finished reading Solomon's Song by Bryce Courtenay last week which describes the Gallipoli campaign during World War I in all its drawn-out and bloody detail.  When one of the main characters, Ben, receives a medal after surviving Gallipoli, he says this to his superior:
"Your Lordship, there is nothing good about this war, except that good men are dying because of the arrogance and stupidity of the old men who lead them." (page 594)

Yes, when it comes to war it angers me that pompous leaders sit back and smoke cigars while soldiers and civilians lose their lives over something they did not start.

But I do not consider myself a pacifist.  War is sometimes a necessary evil in this fallen world.  If one country attacks another then it is right for the country being attacked to defend itself.  When it comes to living at peace with one another, we can only do we what we can.  We cannot control others' actions.  This applies to all relationships - both individually and at a national level.

Last week, my mum said, "Why do we always have to get involved in other countries' affairs?"  I agree, partly.  But then if everyone had that attitude, gross injustices would be done and conflicts not worked through.  Matthew 18:15-19 would never happen.  Sometimes we need to intervene.  But when we should and when we shouldn't, I really don't know.

War is just another reality of life after the Fall.  We live in a world that has rejected God and war is one of the symptoms of it.

Yesterday I remembered the thousands of Australian men and women who lost their lives in wars.  I am thankful for the peace and freedom we enjoy in this country.  I am thankful for their courage.  I honestly don't know how some of them manage to live their lives, despite the horrors they have seen.  They have seen things I've only seen in nightmares.  I pray for them and their families.

Lest we forget.

The Pendulum: The Great (Or Not So Great) Debate

When it comes to debates, I'm torn in two minds.

For most of my life I've swung between being highly argumentative and doing anything to avoid a fight.  I wish I could get some balance.

So, are debates helpful or a hindrance...particularly when it comes to faith issues?

Sometimes it is good to have faith-related debates.  Whether it is between two Christians, or a Christian and a non-Christian, it is good to hear others' points of view and be stretched and challenged.  To be frank, some Christians have been raised in a bubble and need to be exposed to others who don't share their faith.  They need to know why they believe what they do and not just because it's what their parents or church taught them.  Sometimes hearing different points of view can make you realise you were wrong all along, or it can strengthen you in your views.  Both of these outcomes can be beneficial in the right context.

I think we should definitely ask questions.  We should not be content knowing little, but there reaches a point where we need to realise that we cannot know what God knows.  We are finite, limited beings.  We cannot understand everything there is to know about God.  He has revealed to us what we need to know, but then He asks us to trust Him.  The Bible shows how trustworthy He has been throughout history, and so He is completely worthy of our trust.  But some people don't want to trust.  They are proud of themselves for questioning everything rather than actually seeking answers.  They are like children answering every explanation with, "Why?".

There are times when debates are not helpful.  I know of Christians who have been so rattled by meeting a very argumentative person of differing beliefs that their own faith has been badly shaken.  Nobody should want to hold on to a faith that has no reason or merit, but sometimes all sorts of seeds of doubts can be sown in new believers and it can be devastating.  The Bible tells Christians not to be yoked to false teachers.  Therefore, walking away can be a wiser option.

One thing I'm slowly learning is that the motivation behind the argument is super important.  Is the person actually interested in your point of view, or are they just picking a fight (i.e. they already know what your point of view is and just want to have a go at you about it)?  I think that's one of the reasons I seek to stay out of a lot of debates these days.  I'm just worn out by the thought of a debate that goes on and on, gets nasty, and achieves nothing.  Some people get their energy by fighting...it's like caffeine to them.  I just can't be bothered anymore.  It's easier to just ask them at the beginning, "Are you really interested in my point of view, or are you just wanting an argument?"  Often they will be quite taken aback by this upfront question and retreat, saving you a lot of hassle.  I'm getting better at realising who the argumentative people on Facebook are and avoiding their 'baits'.  I refuse to get sucked in and I don't think that Facebook is a very good place for debates anyway.  I would rather speak to someone privately or in a small group - not with several hundred potential 'lurkers' looking on having a good old scoff at people getting stuck into it.

Some statements require a response.  False teaching in the church needs to be confronted.  But a lot of other subjects are just not worth debating.  I need God's wisdom to know when to step in so I don't become too argumentative or too passive.  I know I'm unlikely to change my mind about some things and so are they...so there's no point.  All you can do is pray or agree to disagree...and move on.