Netball is over! Last night my team played in the grand final.....and lost....by four goals. It was very disappointing but there's always next year. The team we lost to had beaten us twice during the year, by two goals each time. 2+2=4. I think God has a sense of humour :(
It is disappointing but not devastating. In many ways I'm very glad the season is over. This year I've played in a 'successful' team. We finished third at the end of the regular season but clawed our way into the grand final by upsetting the second-placed team in last week's preliminary final. This was a stark contrast to last year when we finished second last (although only four of us from last year played again this year).
But you know what? I enjoyed last year more. I really did. Last year we were a team made up of such a random group of people. Although you couldn't say we were 'friends' because we didn't know each other well, we were such a mix of ages and backgrounds that we got on really well. This year, the majority of the team were 30-something mums and I've felt kind of on the outer. I think when a group of very different women get together, it is much more harmonious. When the group have a lot of similarities, it can get bitchy and cliquey.
Last year, we lost by some hideous margins but nobody blamed each other. We just did our best and fought the game out. This year, I've felt like the 'weakest link' because of my often poor shooting and subsequent move to WD. Now I haven't actually heard anyone bitching about me but I can feel it in my bones and in my waters. This year the whole league was bitchy to the max and I've overheard some people saying some shocking things about people who are meant to be their friends off the court.
At times it felt like some people thought that winning was everything. Every week I got flooded with emails from my teammates about winning and tactics and stuff like that. At first the motivational stuff was cool. Then it started to get a bit wearing. This is a local netball competition in a country town, not the Olympics! Whatever happened to just enjoying the game and playing for fun? Last night when we lost, some of my teammates looked pretty dirty while others just copped the loss on the chin and congratulated the winners. When others see winning as everything, I stop enjoying the game so much. I feel too much pressure and that's not good. I'm sad to say I haven't looked forward to games each week this year.
I love the movie,
The Mighty Ducks which, if you've watched it, you'll know is about a successful lawyer who after being convicted of drink driving is forced to do community service which involves coaching a incompetent junior ice hockey team. On the back of the cover it says,
First he teaches the hapless team everything about winning and then they teach him that winning isn't everything. Isn't that why we play after all? For the love of the game, win or lose?
Losing will either humble you or embitter you. Personally, I think it does some people good to lose. Although I love to be competitive and I love to win, I've learnt that if treating people badly or making them feel they aren't good enough is the way to get there, then I'd pick losing any day. Losing has humbled me and made me realise that I'm reliant on God for my abilities. In my post,
Replaced, I wrote that after my poor shooting, I'd been put into WD which I found most strange and unfamiliar. But after two of our shooters left our team due to pregnancy and a move to Perth, I was suddenly shooting again. Often I'd pray, asking God to help me shoot well and each time I'd hear him respond,
For my glory or for yours? That humbled me. If I were honest, I'd admit that it was so I could impress people and win back my spot. Last week, I played GS for the entire preliminary final and I can't remember playing as well as I did....ever. I barely missed and it felt like God was shooting for me (it sounds bizarre I know). Everyone was telling me how awesome I was and how I was the star of the game. Yes, it was a great feeling.
But for the grand final, I came crashing back to earth proving the old saying is true that a week is a long time in sport. I was back in WD again and the WA I was opposed to played such an excellent game she won the game MVP award. Suddenly I wasn't the hero anymore, I was the villain. Well, nobody said so but I could feel it and I could see the 'looks'. The best thing though is that God was using that experience to teach me that the praise of men is futile. It only lasts while I'm making them happy but when I fail, I'm the bad guy. Instead I need to not look to the approval of men but to please my Heavenly Father who is not pleased by success or winning but by my living his way and giving him the glory.
There's no way I ever want anyone who wants to play local sport feel that they're not good enough. Earlier this year I played in a tennis doubles tournament and invited a friend from church to be my partner. She said she would but also told me she hadn't played since high school so she was worried how she would go. Each time she stuffed up a shot, she apologised but I kept reassuring her it didn't matter in the slightest. I was just so happy she bothered to give up her time to be my partner. We came last that day. We didn't win any games at all. But it was such a fun day and I enjoyed every bit.
About a month ago, I told Duncan I was thinking of not playing netball next year because I just wanted to have fun and not deal with win-at-all-cost types. He urged me to play on so I will. You see, I do feel sorry for some people whose sport is their god. Sport will fail you, it is not there for ultimate satisfaction. But I know the true and living God who is much more concerned with my heart than winning and that's what I'll persevere in living out on the court.
