Thursday, September 11, 2014

Get On Your Soapbox #26

I planned to do a book review, but that will have to wait....

Last Wednesday, I started a new job.

Today, I'm going to quit.

My former boss rang me and asked if I'd be interested in working with her again, at a different organisation (she left our old place of employment five months after I did), doing admin work for the equivalent of one day a week at home.  It sounded like a dream opportunity, especially when we've been limping from payday to payday each fortnight.  It would only be for six months as I'd be filling in for someone else who is on sick leave.

But I can't cope.

In the past week, my depression has risen as have my stress levels.  Working from home with a toddler in tow is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I've been madly trying to get things done while he sleeps, but there's never enough time.  I've been staying up to ungodly hours trying to catch up, I've had less time to spend with Duncan, I'm starting to get cranky with Rory....everything I feared.

Last night was the lowest I'd been for a while.  I was crying, couldn't sleep, having panic attacks, shivering (even though it wasn't cold), experiencing vertigo.  Yesterday I had to go to the doctor due to some other 'symptoms' which have arisen and I'm sure have been caused by stress.  One day a week is never just one day a week and, like study, there are no boundaries.  It's so easy for the work-life balance to become non-existent.

I'm angry at society and I'm angry at myself.  I'm angry at society for putting so much pressure on mothers to go back to work when they don't REALLY need the money, saying they need to do something else for themselves, to use their brains.  Well, my brain is now overloaded thanks to this job and I can't think straight.  My house is a mess, I'm eating crap food because I'm in a rush, I don't have time to read my Bible, I'm thinking about work when I'm trying to spend time with my son.  His nap times are filled with work instead of resting or cooking for friends in need....I hate how everything has become about me and my job, and God and other people have become a distant second.  I don't want to use my daycare day for work.  It'll never be enough time anyway and it's the only time I get to myself.

I'm angry at myself for being so weak that I can't even manage one day a week of work from home.  I could never be that working mum with multiple kids in tow.  I'm angry that I thought I needed to prove myself somehow.  I enjoy being a stay-at-home mum and domestic engineer.  I don't want to go back to work.  I just want to write.  I'm about to write a cover letter and synopsis for my book and send it off to a literary agent.

This has been a very humbling experience.  I'm not as well as I thought I was and I have a lot more limitations than many other mums.  We can manage on one wage.  We just need to budget really, really well.  Last night I received the welcome news that Duncan is getting a pay rise.

I'd just like to say to all the working mums out there....do you really need to work?  REALLY?  Do you really need the money?  Do you enjoy your job, or can you manage on one wage?  Are you working to buy things you could live without?  Would you rather 'do something for yourself' meant doing something you really like instead of advancing your career?  I know some people really do need to work, so I'm not having a go at anyone here.

I just want to ask the hard questions of society...and of myself.


Monday, September 08, 2014

Bible Verse of the Day

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

Friday, September 05, 2014

'Helping'

Rory's at that age where he loves 'helping'.  He gets so chuffed when we praise him for his help, that he wants to do it more and more.  Even though I could get things done ten times faster on my own, I want to encourage him.  After all, he probably won't always be so keen to help.

These are his current jobs:
  • Feeding the dogs - I scoop the biscuits out and he carries them down to the dog yard and pours them into the bowls.
  • Stuffing bits of grass through the wire of the chook pen for the chooks to eat.
  • Weeding the garden (sometimes he tries to pull up plants or just sits on the grass and pulls up clumps of it).
  • Watering the pot plants with the watering can (even though he gets more water on himself than on the plants).
  • Carrying things down to the car (usually his sippy cup or any toys he wants to bring along).
  • Stuffing the dirty washing in the washing machine.
  • Handing me pegs when I'm hanging out the washing.
  • Unpacking the dishwasher (yes, we have one now...woohoo!)
  • Handing me or Duncan our clothes to get dressed, and handing me my flannel when I get in the shower.  Yesterday, he brought my towel to me to hang up, too.
I'm really enjoying this age at the moment.  He's a lovely, helpful little boy.

He wants to be just like his dad, wearing his beanie, dressing gown and boots


Wanting to drive already
Carrying the dog biscuits



Here you go, dogs


Thursday, September 04, 2014

Ballin'

Nearly two weeks ago, Duncan and I went to a ball to raise funds for people in our local community suffering from Lyme Disease.  The aim is to help get them overseas for treatment since the Australian government still doesn't believe the disease exists in Australia (pffft).

Everyone had to wear something lime/green so I made some jewellery:




With our friend Asha
Alas, I did not succeed in my mission to get Duncan onto the dance floor.

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

5 Most Improved Eagles in 2014

I think the Eagles have a good future under Adam Simpson.  He seems like a calm and all round nice bloke.  People calling for him to be sacked should be ashamed of themselves.  Give the bloke a chance.  He seems to have a good rapport with his players and isn't a psycho that chucks phones around.

These are the guys who I thought took the biggest steps forward in 2014 (not including debutants):

EricMackenzie
1.  Eric Mackenzie
I feared the worst when Darren Glass retired, but Mackenzie really stood up and became the new general of the backline.  He gets the job done with a minimum of fuss and seems to have a good head on his shoulders.  I would really like to see him considered for the captaincy.

JamieCripps
2.  Jamie Cripps
I like this guy.  He gets under opposition teams' radar, bobs up and kicks goals.  He's a pretty good mark for his size, too.

ScottLycett
3.  Scott Lycett
This guy has proved that the Eagles' ruck stocks are deep.  I'm so glad he's decided to stay!

 JamieBennell
4.  Jamie Bennell
The Eagles have lacked a small defender since David Wirrpanda retired.  This guy's the man.  Has good pace and rebounds well out of defence.

MitchellBrown 
5.  Mitch Brown
He really held down his spot this year and played consistently in the backline.

Photos from westcoasteagles.com.au

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Farewell Coxy

Not only am I sad that the Eagles didn't make the finals, but I'm also disappointed that we won't get to see Dean Cox on the park once more.  At least his final game was a winning one.

He went from gangly and out-of-shape to one of the finest ruckmen...ever!  His mobility and the way he collected as many possessions as a midfielder revolutionised the game.

Image from here
 Apart from dropping the f-bomb on TV after the 2006 Grand Final, and losing a few bets with Dockers' players over who'd win the derby (apparently he had to run through the streets of Fremantle wearing a Dockers' guernsey and another time he had to wash one of the Dockers' player's car), his career was mostly highlights.

He will be sadly missed.  I'm thankful the Eagles' ruck stocks are so good though.

Bye Coxy!  Thanks for the memories *sniff*

When I saw Big Cox's arms go up, I knew they'd won since I
couldn't hear the siren over the noise around me.
Image from here
Oh the shame!  At least he was a man of his word.
Image from here

Friday, August 29, 2014

Truth in Love

Our society seems to think that being a good friend means telling your friends how 'awesome' they are, patting them on the back...even when they make some really bad life decisions.  It means saying nothing when an abusive friend constantly uses you as their personal punching bag.  It means lending them money when you know they'll waste it, letting them drive home when they're drunk, lying for them to cover up something dodgy....

If you believe those 'shared' forward thingies on Facebook, a true friend will help you hide the body if you commit a murder.

Rubbish!

Sometimes the best kind of friend is the one who'll give you a kick up the bum when you need it...in the nicest possible way.  A true friend has the guts to say what needs to be said out of their love and concern for you.  Because they're your friend, they're NOT just going to sit back and watch you flush your life down the toilet...or help you do it.

Now, I'm not saying that 'speaking the truth in love' means voicing whatever thoughts and opinions you've held deep down about your friend.  It doesn't mean telling them green is so not their colour.  It doesn't mean telling them they have a big pimple on their nose (they probably know that anyway).  It doesn't mean finding every little fault.

It's about the big things.  For Christians, it's about living to bring glory to Jesus in all areas of life.  Let's face it, we all suck at it at times and need some help.  That's why God gave us the church.  We all have blind spots.  We all need someone to gently point out serious things to us.

I dislike confrontation as much as the next person and I don't get my jollies out of people pointing out my faults.  I remember when my housemate pointed out that I was watching too much TV.  It was 2005, the year after I'd finished uni, and I was just so elated to come home from work and NOT spend my evenings studying, that I kind of became a bit addicted to the box.  She had the guts to gently point this out to me.  And because she was gentle, I listened.  She was right.  I was wasting so much time and hadn't really noticed. 

Yay for friends like that.  Yay for friends who have the courage to do and say what's best for us, out of their love for us.