Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Six Month Reflection

It doesn't feel like it, but we have now been living in Kojonup for over six months.

What a year 2011 has been for me! One of challenges, one of illness, one of impatience, one of growth, and one of grief. And we're only halfway through the year!

In January, I told you all Why 2011 Won't Be 'The Year of the Pessimist'. Despite my dear Nan passing away eight days into the new year, I was determined to look to this year with hope. Well, there have been times where I've sorely wished I could be a pessimist then I would never be disappointed. There have been meltdowns, there have been tears, there have been times where I wanted to walk away and move back to Perth. I often feel sick and tired of living in the middle of nowhere where it's a struggle to get basic technology to work and still WAITING for our house renovations to be finished, and there is a very distinct small town culture of farming, kids and drinking which I just don't fit into.

My time in Perth revealed to me that I'm not a city person. But I'm certainly not a small town person either. Maybe I'm a regional centre person? Or maybe I'm just really looking forward to being with the Lord forever in His renewed creation. Probably the latter.

But despite this sounding like the most miserable post you've read all year, you'll probably be glad to hear about 'the moment' which I had recently. I was sitting at my computer, just like I am now, when I stretched my arms out in front of me and realised....I have arms! And legs! And eyes! I am truly blessed. I might have arthritis and have to go on a special diet to manage it, I might be an odd bod who doesn't fit in, I might know a few rude people who give me grief in person and online....but I am blessed!

I still have good health...mostly.
I have two fantastic jobs and two amazing bosses who have welcomed and encouraged me.
I have family close by.
I have a lovely husband and pets.
I have true friends who really care.

AND.....I have a very BIG God who is faithful even though my heart is forever wandering.

I've also been thinking about the word 'discipline' recently. Normally the first thought to come to my mind is you've been naughty and need to be punished, so when the Bible talks about God disciplining His children, I tend to think of it very negatively. But Hebrews 12:7-11 sees discipline as a sign that you are God's child. Discipline may be painful, but if God didn't do it, He wouldn't really care about us much. God disciplines us so we will become more Christ-like, and He often does this through hardship and suffering.

I really don't know the specifics of why God is allowing certain things to happen in my life, but I know He always uses it for my good and that it is part of the refining process. This year has been a huge lesson in patience (particularly where our house is concerned), yet I'm still impatient. I'm torn between not wanting any more pain, yet wanting God to do as He wants with me because He is the potter and I am the clay.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Bible Verse of the Day

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.  For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.  Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it.  How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!  Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good that we may share in his holiness.  No discipline seems pleasant at the time,  but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:7-11

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Cat by Mary Britton Miller

This poem is Ebony to a tee.  In fact, someone said to me the first time they saw Ebony they were reminded of it.

The black cat yawns,
Opens her jaws,
Stretches her legs
And shows her claws.
Then she gets up
And stands on four
Long still legs,
And yawns some more.
She shows her sharp teeth,
She stretches her lip,
Her slice of a tongue
Turns at the tip.
Lifting herself
On her delicate toes,
She arches her back
As high as it goes.
She lets herself down
With particular care,
And pads away
With her tail in the air.

Monday, June 27, 2011

5 Reasons Why Ebony is the Perfect Cat To Prepare You For a Toddler

Ok, I know nothing can prepare someone to have a toddler....other than actually having a toddler, but Ebony must surely be the next best thing.  As much as I love her, my kitty can be a downright little beast when she likes.  A haughty madam who pretends not to understand the word 'no', she thinks she rules the house, and that Duncan and I exist to give her what she wants, when she wants.

1.  She has this whinging meow that really grates on me.  It's not the cute little chirping meow, it's this long drawn out cry that reminds me of toddlers in supermarkets, "Muuuuuuuum I waaaannnaa lolllllllyyyyyy!"  You cannot reason with toddlers or cats.  Pity you can't just chuck toddlers outside like I do with Ebony.

2.  She's 'into everything'.  If you leave a cupboard door open, even for two seconds, she's bound to get in there the moment your back is turned.

3.  She pretends she's less intelligent than she really is by pretending she doesn't understand the word 'no'.  When I catch her doing something naughty (such as getting up on the kitchen bench or table), I clap my hands at her and say "NO!".  Sometimes she complies and stops doing the naughty thing, but then resumes her mischief two seconds later.  Other times, she just glares at me defiantly like, Try and stop me.

4.  She gets in silly moods where she starts racing around the house.  Just because.

5.  On the good side, she likes cuddles and looks up at me contentedly as if to say, "I love you, Mum."  Cats have a reputation as only loving themselves, but I'd like to think she does love me unconditionally...just a little bit.

Madam insists she is the queen of the whole house....including the linen pile.
My mum soon learnt that it is pointless trying to stop Ebony lying on the purple couch.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Three Years of Marriage = Three Furkids

Our newest 'baby', Gypsy, came home last week.  She was born in early April.

Duncan's boss's dog, Bess, accidentally got herself knocked up and we were the beneficaries of a new canine friend.  Part Kelpie, part Border Collie (like Maya), the plan is for Gypsy to become a working dog.

Gypsy is FULL ON.  Whereas Maya was terrified of her own shadow, Gypsy will run up to you, jump all over you and lick you to death.  She has no fear and lives each moment filled with feverish excitement.  Maya pees when she's frightened.  Gypsy has trouble controlling her bladder and she does little wees everywhere because it's just all too exciting (thank goodness she is an outside dog).

Hello, Mum!
Maya is enjoying being 'Auntie Maya'.  She has slipped into her second childhood and even from inside I can hear snorting, growling and grunting as the two dogs enjoy their neverending doggy playdate.  She has been sharing her bones graciously with Gypsy although the pup learnt a valuable lesson the other day when Duncan gave them the bone from our lamb roast - Auntie Maya is the senior dog and gets first pickings.  Yes, she growled at Gypsy when the pup tried to approach and share HER bone, but she did let her have the leftovers.

There is one member of the household who does NOT appreciate the new arrival.  Ebony let the pup know with a hiss and a swipe that she will not tolerate being chased, cornered or barked at.  Consequently, puss has been spending an increasing amount of time indoors.

Why, why did you get another one of those THINGS?!?
Welcome to our family, Gypsy.  I still can't believe how long it took for Duncan and I to agree on a name for a jolly dog!  What will we be like with kids?!?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Fishing at Bunker Bay

We spent the long weekend visiting Duncan's family in Dunsbrough and Busselton.  On the Monday holiday, Duncan and his brother, Clayton, went fishing at Bunker Bay and caught three herring.  I sat on the beach and read a book, then went for a walk.  Lovely!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Blogging Etiquette

Janine from Reflections from a Redhead has a fantastic post on this topic, so it seems pointless in repeating it.  I added a few comments so I'll include those in the list as well as a few extras.

1.  Let your readers know if they can expect your blog to be sporadic.  I just get disappointed when I don't see any new posts from my favourite bloggers for a while.  I'm not implying they should become enslaved to blogging, but it's just polite to let your readers know if you'll be disappearing indefinitely.

2.  No amount of inviting (read: hassling) will make me want to 'follow' your blog.  The more you annoy me, the more I will think you are an egotistical twat, especially if you never contribute any meaningful comments to my blog.  When I became a blogger, I thought everyone was free to read any blog they stumbled across (it IS on the internet after all) - why do you need an 'invite'?  Personally, I think the 'following' widget was designed to inflate bloggers' self-importance.  Yes, I do have the widget...and I have 10 followers.  Yes, 10.  Nothing to boast about there.

3.  I've read a few posts where the blogger has said, "I'm too busy to comment on other people's blogs."  Really?  But you seem to have plenty of time to put into your own blog (judging by the frequency and length of posts).  If you want comments, then you must also be prepared to contribute to others' conversations...not necessarily the same bloggers who comment on yours, but SOMEONE.  Give AND receive...or don't blog.

4.  Don't make it too difficult for other bloggers to quote you.  I've read a number of blogs where they ask that anyone wishing to use their content ask for permission first.  If they are acknowledging you as the author and linking to your blog as the source, why do they need to ask permission?  I don't want someone stealing my photos and ideas, but as long as they acknowledge me as the source, that's fine.  I always thought blogging was a bit like referencing a source for a uni assignment.  You don't have to ask the author for permission, but you must include the item in your reference list and reference any direct quotes.

5.  If you want to write something controversial as a comment - PUT YOUR NAME.  It is rude and cowardly otherwise.  Be prepared to own and take responsibility for what you say - or don't say it.

Bloggers, listen up and hear,
How to thrive in the blogosphere.
Respecting each other is the way,
Be polite in what you have to say.
Own your comments, put your name,
Being anonymous is just lame.
That's a real person behind the screen,
Treat them if they're one you've seen.

After reading my list and Janine's list, what else do you think should be considered as blogging etiquette?

Monday, June 20, 2011

5 Things I've Learnt in 5 Years of Blogging

I never thought I'd make it to half a decade!

This bloggy celebrated it's 5th birthday yesterday.

What a ride blogging has been!  I have 'met' many wonderful people and have a platform to air my opinions to the world (haha).

Here are some things I've learnt along the way:

1.  If you want to understand a blogger, read their archives.  Chances are you started reading someone's blog when they were already a few years into it, so some posts seem a bit odd.  My tip is to read any old posts they link to and scroll through their archives at your leisure.  Then what they're writing about may make a bit more sense.

2.  Blogging is not a "I'll comment on your blog, now you comment on mine," kind of arrangement.  I appreciate comments, I really do, but I am just not interested in some blogs.  That's not a personal slur to them - it's just not my thing.  I don't want to comment on blogs simply because they commented on mine; that's 'sympathy commenting' and I'm sure nobody wants that.  I've learnt not to be offended if I comment on someone's blog regularly and they never pay me a visit at mine.  That's just life.

3.  You can write what you think is a brilliant post that's sure to get everyone commenting...and nothing happens.  Then you can write a quick post about nothing and get half a dozen comments in no time.  Sometimes you can guess who will comment on particular posts, and sometimes people comment on things you never thought would interest them.

4.  Blogging is a great way to get things out of your system so you don't bore everyone with your rants in real life.  If they read your blog, then they're choosing to listen.

5.  If you want lots of comments on your blog, don't link it to Facebook.  I haven't done this, but I can see it hasn't worked for some people.  You're bound to quadruple your readership, but people tend to leave comments on Facebook rather than on the blog.  Readers are notoriously evil when it comes to getting comments.  They are great to help you keep up with many different blogs, but can lead to lazy reading where the reader neglects to click through to comment.

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY TO THIS IS WHAT SED SAID (and enjoy your new header picture - it's actually a shed this time).

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Mother of all Hidings

I had the privilege of seeing the mighty, mighty West Coast Eagles MURDER the Western Bulldogs by 123 points in Perth last month.  Our neighbours, who we know from tennis, are Eagles' members, but couldn't attend the match so they gave their membership passes to us!  Duncan couldn't go because of seeding, so I took my friend, Rianna, from Albany.  Despite having been an Eagles' fan for years, this was Rianna's first live match....and what a game for her to go to!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Introvert Peg in an Extrovert Hole

Recently, I had a revelation about why being the new kid on the block has been so very tiring for me over the past three years.

I'm an introvert.....and I've been putting too much pressure on myself to be an extrovert.

It shouldn't have been that much of a revelation since I've known I'm an introvert for years, but when I read Ali's post and the article she linked to 10 Myths About Introverts, I felt the burden on my back finally begin to lift.

I realised that I don't actually want lots of friends.  I'm the kind of person who prefers to have quality rather than quantity when it comes to friendships.  I prefer to care for people and know them well rather than have lots of shallow, acquaitance-level relationships.

I hate small talk.  That doesn't mean I want to talk about deep and meaningful things all the time.  Sometimes I prefer banter.  But I get frustrated when it feels like some conversations are ALWAYS about nothing.  Last year, Jenny asked the question Is Church For Introverts? and I have to say no.  Church is for extroverts who like buzz and conversations and people.  I feel so weary after church and often need a nap.  I don't like starting a conversation with one person only to have someone else rock up and change the topic, or steal the person you're talking to away.  I can't get my head around how we've all just heard God's Word being preached and yet people want to spend their time talking about the weather.

While I was still in Perth, I noticed a friend of mine sitting alone during supper after church.  I went up to him and asked if he was ok and he replied that he was fine, he just hated supper conversations so he preferred to sit alone and say nothing.  He said he couldn't see the point of meaningless chit-chat and that he found Bible study more encouraging.  I'm inclined to agree.  I much prefer Bible study to big church.  I prefer conversations to have a point otherwise making the effort is just too tiring.

One of the biggest myths about introverts is that they are shy (and extroverts are loud).  This is simply not true.  I'm an introvert, but I can be very loud (just ask my husband). I get daunted meeting new people (especially when they all know each other), but if I really want to go to a particular event, this won't put me off. It's all about how you recharge from stress or busyness.  Duncan is part introvert, part extrovert.  Sometimes he'll come home from work and be pumped about going out to Bible study and catching up with everyone.  Other nights he'll be on the couch with the laptop and barely say a word.  I'm usually secretly quite happy if night events get cancelled.

So what does this all mean for me as I seek to adapt to life in another small town?  Well, for the past three years I've been putting WAY too much pressure on myself to go out and meet everybody.  My logic has been that there are a lot of people out there who don't know Jesus and I need to go and befriend them.  What foolish arrogance!  God doesn't need me.  He graciously choose to use us all in His purposes, but He doesn't NEED us.  He has plenty of faithful servants at His disposal so I'm certainly not the only one.

I still want to love people - that hasn't changed - but with having arthritis and being sick three times in two months, I've realised I am a finite human being.  I get to know people better 1-1 rather than in big groups.  So I need to work out how I use how God made me for His glory rather than thinking that true Christians are extroverts.

Duncan reckons there is the potential for introverts to use it as an excuse for being lazy.  He definitely has a point there.  I'm very tempted to sit at home all day and never go out sometimes.  It takes a huge effort to go out sometimes where I know I'm going to have to make small-talk.  But sometimes introverts just need to push past this and go.  Likewise some extroverts need to know how to spend time alone and stop bothering other people.

We're all part of the body of Christ and God made us all different for His glory.

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Silent Generation

A few days before the royal wedding, Duncan and I watched The Queen which was being showed on TV.  It was the first time either of us had seen this movie.

The film is based on the week after the death of Princess Diana and focuses on the royal family's reaction.  At the time, the Queen and Prince Philip particularly, received a lot of flak about their lack of emotion and initial refusal to appear in public.  The film goes behind the scenes, showing Tony Blair (British Prime Minister at the time) pleading with the Queen to speak with her griveing people.  He kept saying, "The people need you at this time."  The Queen didn't quite know what to make of that.  She didn't know how a public display of emotion on her behalf was supposed to help the British people.

How much of the film is based on reality is really anyone's guess (Prince Philip is portrayed as an insensitive twat), but it reinforced to me that I really don't understand the 'Silent Generation'.

The Silent Generation is the generation born roughly between 1925-1942 - those who are in their 60s, 70s and even 80s today.  They survived the Great Depression and World War II in their youth.  Queen Elizabeth II was born in 1926 and is therefore a part of that generation.  I would even include my late Nan in that generation because, even though she was born in 1913, she displays many of the same traits.

Why I don't 'get' about the Silent Generation:
  • Why is it bad to show emotion?  Why were they encouraged (and why do they encourage their children) to remain stoic in the face of grief?  Fair enough, you don't need to cry in front of everyone, but bottling it surely doesn't help either.  If you want to deal with your grief this way, fine, but don't tell others they are wrong for grieving openly.
  • Why do so many of that generation hoard junk they don't need?  Broken appliances, dusty old books, bills from years ago.  Ok, I get that they lived through the Depression and don't like to be wasteful. I don't like to be wasteful either.  If it really has sentimental value, that's different, but I think many of them can't be bothered chucking stuff out.  And I don't get the point of keeping something saying, "I'll fix it one day," when 'one day' never comes.  Then the junk (and dust) keeps building up.
  • Why do the Silent Generation talk about the 1940s and 50s like they were some kind of idyllic time in history and as if sin only entered the world in the 1960s? (ummm I'm pretty sure sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden).
  • Why do those who are Christians have to be so black and white about everything, and often harsh to those younger Christians who are struggling in their faith?  If I talk to someone around my age about a faith-related struggle, they will often share Scripture AND their own story with me.  The Silent Generation tends to respond with, "Well, you just need to trust God more (and that's that)."  I'm not saying our own testimonies are more important than Jesus, but sharing your own struggles can really help another person know they aren't alone.  This is why I don't go to the Silent Generation with faith issues.
I know not everyone fits neatly into all the generation categories.  I don't understand my own generation, Generation Y much at all!

When I asked Duncan about the Silent Generation, he replied with, "I don't know.  That's just the way they are."  That's a helpful answer...not! Haha.

I don't get it.  Please explain...

Image is from

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Marriage 101: I Want Money

It's strange how something so small in size can cause so many problems!

Duncan and I never really discussed money prior to our wedding.  It was agreed that Duncan would continue working full-time as a farmhand, I would look for part-time work, and we would enjoy being on the same level financially as many of our city friends.  We assumed having a rent-free home would enable us to 'get ahead' and we could be generous without having to worry that having someone over for a meal could send us down the financial gurgler.

A rude shock loomed on the horizon.

While working as a full-time librarian in 2005-06, I enjoyed having the most money I had ever had in my whole life.  Suddenly I could afford gym membership and a decent car....luxuries which had eluded me as a student.  When I went part-time in 2007, things continued to be pretty cruisy until Emma got married and moved out and I was left without a housemate for a month.  Full rent really hurt.  Even when Aimee moved in, my bank account never quite recovered.  While I was by no means being reckless with my money, suddenly I NEEDED pay day more than I'd ever needed it since joining the workforce.  Having a wedding to pay for didn't help, and suddenly I was constantly needing money from Duncan.

The problem was that even after the wedding both of us struggled to see our money as OURS.  We both saw mine as mine and Duncan's as Duncan's.  We still had separate bank accounts and I couldn't find work at first.  I would go into town and do the shopping, pay bills etc and my account would be in the red.  Duncan transferred money from his account to mine but sometimes he would forget.  I told him the whole thing was stupid and that we should just get a joint account. He didn't want to, saying that he had too many direct debits coming out of his account and that changing accounts would be a pain.  After hearing him make a few too many jokes about women and shopping, I didn't believe his excuses.  I assumed he didn't trust me.  This whole saga went on until mid 2009 when we finally got a joint account.

While we've always had to watch our money, it was at the start of this year that we hit financial troubles again.  There were a few weeks between the end of Duncan's last job until he started this one and during that time we lived off his overtime pay from last harvest.  But the move was more costly than we had anticipated.  We had to pay the hire fee for the moving truck, we needed a lot of furniture (our house in Buntine was mostly furnished), and I didn't have a job anymore.  In early February, the lady who pays the wages for the farm forgot to pay everyone.  Duncan's pay ended up being a week late and my stress levels rocketed skyward.  I hadn't planned on rushing to look for a job, but now I was scouring the local paper for employment opportunities.  We ended up selling my car (which we had planned to do for a while) and now just have the one car and used the money to buy a new bed (and put our old bed in the spare room).

We're still finding it hard going at times, but God has never left us hungry.  I have two casual jobs working as an administration officer for two not-for-profit agricultural groups.  However, the work is sporadic and I've been sick three times in two months so I haven't been able to work as much as I would like.  We realise we will never have as much money as some friends of ours who are engineers or doctors.  This does take its toll when we go to Perth and people don't understand how we can't afford to eat out all the time.  It's like they assume we're all on the same financial level....but we're not.  Recently, we heard from some friends of ours that they had decided to go on a spontaneous holiday interstate.  Just because.  If Duncan and I want to go interstate, we have to plan a long way ahead and save, save, save.

Sometimes it's hard not to be resentful, but I know I'm just being greedy.  I don't want Duncan to think he is an inadequate provider for our family.  And I want to be generous, but greed always seems to rear its ugly head.  I don't want people to feel sorry for us or give us money....I just want them to realise that although we are all middle-class, we don't earn the $100-150,000/year they earn...nowhere near it.  Part of me is afraid to have children because we won't be able to afford all the stuff to get set up - cots, prams etc.  But I suppose that people will give us stuff, and there is always Freecycle.

Here are my tips for newlyweds who are facing disagreements about money:
  • Have a budget.  We are complete hyprocrites here because we don't have one although we've become pretty good at checking the account balance and saying no to each other when one of us wants something we can't afford.  There are heaps of online budget-making applications.  Just Google it.
  • See a financial planner.  Some Christians assume that if you see a financial planner, it means you aren't trusting God with your money.  Bollocks!  One of the ways we can honour God is to use our money wisely and we all need a bit of help sometimes.
  • Get a joint bank account.  Not only will you save on bank fees, it speaks volumes to your spouse that you trust them.
  • Keep a little bit aside for spending (if possible).  We have friends who are on tight budgets but keep a little bit aside each to spend on what they want (i.e. a new pair of jeans, a movie ticket).  It may help with curbing big impulsive spending.
  • Go through your stuff and sell anything you don't want or need.  Don't hoard stuff - be ruthless.  I still de-hoard and sell stuff on ebay even though I've got more room in this house.  Use the money to pay off debt or give to charity.
  • Trust God.  It's easy to trust yourself when you're financially secure, but when things are tight you're forced to question who your faith is really in.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Beyond Greed

I've decided that rather than just ranting about money management, I should look into what the Bible actually says about money.  And it says a lot!  Jesus spoke more about money than just about any other topic.

Duncan already had a copy of Beyond Greed by Brian Rosner when we got married so I thought it would be a good place to start. Reasonably short (174 pages) and very readable, the book forces readers to examine the greed we turn a blind eye to.

Although the book is challenging, I felt most of it was just reiterating stuff I already knew: greed is subtle, we cannot serve both God and money, idolatry as the source of greed, learning to be content etc.  I guess the problem is that this is stuff I know in my head, but it often has trouble finding its way to my heart.

One really helpful part of the book is that it really examines a few key money verses from the Bible, including 1 Timothy 6:10.  The author points out that money is NOT evil IN ITSELF, but the love of money is.  But while the book argues that it is wrong to be greedy and focused on material things and find satisfaction in them rather than in God, the godly alternative is not some kind of pious poverty. Christians are to give generously to those in need - not just financially, but through hospitality and sharing possessions.

The book contains many articles which originally appeared in The Briefing, a monthly Christian magazine published by Matthias Media (who also published this book).  They cover topics such as gambling, giving, contentment, and the average Australian lifestyle.  It's great to hear the perspective of many different writers on what is often a difficult and controversial topic to speak openly about.

If you're a practical person, like me, then you'll find the latter chapters to be helpful.  They provide examples of radical generosity, not to guilt-trip us into giving, but to give some ideas for those wanting to impliment change, but struggling to know where to start.  Some of these ideas are:
  • Don't buy any CDs for a year (and do not illegally burn CDs.  Obey Christ over what temptations money may offer us).
  • Move to a smaller home.
  • Set a budget with your spouse starting with a 'lifestyle limit' and give the rest away.
  • Put off the kids' private education or scrap it altogether.
  • Scrap overseas trips.
  • Don't buy any new clothes for a year.
  • Walk more and use less petrol.
These ideas can be frightening and challenging, but being a disciple of Christ IS radical and scary.  One of the articles asks the question: How do the lives of Christians look any different from their non-Christian neighbours?  The answer is 'not much'.  We don't want to be different to be weirdos, but we cannot have our cake and eat it too.  We cannot serve both God and money.

This book is definitely worth a read.  My tip is to read it slowly.  Don't rush!  There is a lot to take in, and if you're anything like me, it takes a while to penetrate my thick skull.  Don't skip to the end to read the practical stuff.  The earlier chapters may be what you know already, but we need to allow God to expose what's in our hearts before we can start making changes.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Bible Verse of the Day

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.  Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
1 Timothy 6:10

Friday, June 03, 2011

Friday Funny


A child was told to write a book report on the Bible.  Through the eyes of a child. Children's Bible in a nutshell.

In the beginning , which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he Was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than His brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Mother's Day 2011

We spent Mother's Day in Albany with my mum this year.  It was the first Mother's Day I'd spent with her in four years, and the first one in Albany since goodness knows when.

My mum and brother.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Bremer Bay - April 2011

I had a great holiday in Bremer Bay at the end of April.  I was invited by my friend, Rhianon, and her husband, Linton, her parents, her sister, Ellen, and some other friends of theirs also came along.  Unfortunately Duncan was seeding so he couldn't come.  He would have LOVED it!  4WDing, motorbikes, beach....all things that are right up his alley.

Our God is an awesome God.

The boys and their bikes.

Rhianon about to go for a ride on the four-wheeler.

My first ever ride on any kind of motorbike.
I reckon it looks like it has eyes.

Trying to get the darn thing started.

Woohoo!  Here I go...

Ellen felt a bit cold.

Ellen enjoying the view.

Rhianon and Linton on the beach.

Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Oh what a feeling....Toyota!  I've always wanted one of these jumping action photos.


Kitesurfers in action at sunset.