Friday Focus - Cat and Dog Theology

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about something I learned at the Perth Women's Convention back in August.  Judging from some conversations I've had with other women who attended the convention, this has been one of the things from the day which has stuck with us the most.  It's actually quite hilarious because I doubt it was one of the speaker's most pertinent points.

The speaker spoke about 'cat and dog theology' and used the illustration of how cats and dogs relate to their master.  There are heaps of sites on this topic if you Google it.  Dogs get a pat from their masters and think, My master is very kind to me.  My master must be very important.  Cats get a pat from their masters and think, My master is very kind to me.  I must be very important.  Everyone laughed when she said this because we all know how true it is of cats!  But it's also true of us.

I have a dog and a cat, and I see these behaviours in them.  Sometimes I sit outside on the front step, trying to have a quiet time, and the animals immediately descend on me.  Maya the dog often comes and 'bows', lying flat on her belly with her beautiful brown eyes looking at me in awe as if to say, "Mistress!"  While I'm trying to read, she's busy licking me, pawing me, and whimpering.  When I call her to come to me, she almost always obeys, and obeys with almost feverish excitement.  Her life aim seems to be to please Duncan and I.

Ebony the cat, on the other hand, is a downright madam!  She is the typical cat - whiny, demanding, and thinking our life purpose is to serve her.  And if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it, she sulks.  While Maya thinks Duncan and I are gods, Ebony thinks SHE is God.

I was listening to an online sermon last week during which the speaker challenged us in our relationship with God - are we faithful dogs or self-centred cats?  To my shame, I admit I'm often much more like a cat - aloof, unfaithful, and selfish.  I often fall into the trap of thinking that God is a kind of genie who exists to serve me.  Now I want to be like Maya whose whole world is about her master.  I want my life to be about bringing glory to God, and not myself. 

I want to come a deeper understanding and realisation of just how holy, majestic, awesome and mighty is our God.  I have a long way to go, but I'm thankful God has started a good work in me, and will bring it to completion.

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Friday Focus - One Day at a Time

September was a crazy month for me.  The amount of stuff I had on was unbelievably daunting which made our trip up north in October even sweeter.

In September I had:

• Netball finals and grand final.
• Church outreach event and friends staying on the same weekend.
• Assessments for TAFE, including an over the phone exam.
• My school reunion in Albany.
• A wedding.
• Powderfinger concert.
• A visit from Duncan's parents.
• My work's biggest field day of the year (plus other work stresses).
• Checking out the new farm in Kojonup.
• Dealing with situations/people which made me jaded.
• Concussion resulting from hitting my head at work.

I think that's it!

It doesn't seem like much when I look at the list, but at the time it felt like I was at the bottom of a flight of stairs, gulping, and looking at the long journey ahead of me to the top.

September was a month of learning to rely on God, day by day.  I learnt that God is interested in the journey, and not just the destination.  I'm very much a destination person, and often I forget to enjoy the journey.  I was encouraged by Matthew 6:25-34 to rely on God for my daily needs, and to take each day as it comes.  I started to concentrate on the current day, and what needed to be done without worrying too far ahead.  If you take one step at a time, you will eventually get to the top, but if you try and jump several stairs at a time, you will fall.  God upheld me during that busy time when I could never do it myself.

I'm not saying we shouldn't plan.  If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll know I'm pro-planning.  If something requires two months worth of planning, then planning needs to start two months before the event.  What I AM saying is that we can't do everything in one day!  I think that's one reason why I burnt out during wedding planning.  I tried to do it all myself, and in unrealistic time periods rather than relying on God's strength.

October was a great time of rest, but now November is here, and Christmas and moving house are just around the corner, I'm starting to feel a bit daunted.  As I tackle the silly season, I need to remember to take it one day at a time.

If you would like to participate in Friday Focus and share what God has been teaching you lately, click here.

Friday Focus - Jaded

2010 has been a tough year for a lot of people. Sickness, conflict, financial difficulties, and stress have taken their toll on some of my nearest and dearest. I feel some of their pain. You see, I may not be experiencing the exact same troubles they are, but I have found 2010 to be no walk in the park.

Before I begin, perhaps I’d better warn you that this is a mask off, brutally honest account of what has made me jaded this year. I’m tempted to steal the name of Jean’s blog, In All Honesty as that is an accurate reflection of what I’m about to write.

There are probably about two posts which sum up my year so far: Friday Focus – From the Inside Out and Friday Focus – Mourning with the Mourning. It’s no secret that I have struggled with dealing with fellow Christians, and struggled with my own sin resulting from the hurt I’ve felt.

This is how I’ve felt in a nutshell:

• Disillusioned that people do not seem to keep in touch despite my efforts to initiate things and keep relationships alive. Yet, they seem to have plenty of time to muck around on Facebook.
• Discouraged that people seem to content to chuck major news on Facebook whereas once upon a time they would have shared with me personally or via an email or text message.
• Hurt that people have come to me for comfort for various problems they’ve faced, yet they go AWOL when I’ve asked for prayer/comfort/support from them.
• Patronised when I’ve confronted some people about the above, yet they think they’ve done nothing wrong.

I get the vibe from many people that they think Duncan and I are just a cute couple of loving, forgiving people who will take their crap and never call them to account. If it were non Christians treating us this way, I could take it more easily. But it’s God’s people who I felt have been acting in self-absorbed, thoughtless ways. Often I’ve felt more love from those who do not know God than those who do.

At times I’ve felt that if I had a choice to rescue either Ebony or one of the people who have hurt me from a dangerous situation, I would choose my cat. Other times, I’ve found myself wishing the world was full of dogs instead of people. At least dogs are faithful, loyal and true. I know that sounds shocking, but that’s honestly how I’ve felt.

This year has involved a painful series of lessons from God on patience, bitterness, forgiveness and perseverance. Often I’ve felt this is so unfair, like I’m being punished for caring about things that no-one else seems to care about while the people who have hurt me continue on their oblivious, merry way. Who’s rebuking them? But recently God brought to mind that I can only know my story like Aslan says to Aravis in The Horse and his Boy, one of the books in the Chronicles of Narnia series, “Child, I am telling you your story, not hers. No-one is told any story but their own.” This is one reason why I find yesterday’s Bible verse one of the most challenging in the whole Bible. God has taught me that I need to trust Him in how He deals with other people. He does not need my sin to humble them. I find it so easy to love people who are good to me. Showing kindness to them is so easy because they are so lovable. But Jesus warns that showing love to the lovable is what pagans do. Showing love to those who care little for us is what makes God’s people different to the world.
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? (Matthew 5:46-47)

Right now, I feel like the greatest ‘enemies’ in my life are those who follow Christ. Moving to Kojonup won’t solve this problem because it isn’t Dally people I’m disillusioned with…it’s people from Perth. I can’t avoid them indefinitely; we have too many mutual friends. Part of me feels the solution is to keep all relationships at a surface level to avoid future hurt. But during my quiet time today, I felt God speaking to me that following Christ was never meant to be devoid of pain. It just hurts more when the ones causing the pain are doing it in apathy. In some ways I can relate to King David when he wrote these words:
If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. (Psalm 55:12-13)

I have been blown away by the kindness some people have shown to me this year. When my Nan got sick, most of the comfort I received was from people I have known only for a few years or less. I had acquaintances coming up to me or going out of their way to send me messages because they’d read about it on my Facebook status or heard through another person. Yet, some people I’d known for years, and even considered good friends, just ignored me. From this I’ve learnt that, as amazing as some people are, I cannot rely on people. I must focus my attention upwards to my Heavenly Father, the source of all comfort. Yet, somehow I have to balance the reality that people will disappoint me with the responsibility of Christians to show love and comfort to those in their midst..even when it is inconvenient or they can’t be bothered.

I praise God for one friend in particular who has been going through such an awful time this year, yet has been encouraging and counselling me via email over the past few days. I have been blessed by her willingness to share what God has been teaching her, and how He has been giving her the strength to love someone who hurt her deeply, when her initial intention was to want them to suffer as she did. It is this supernatural love from God, which does not come naturally, that I have been praying for this week to enable me to love my 'enemies'.

This year it has been a challenge to obey despite my feelings. I’m not there yet - not by a long shot. To be honest, I’m praying that next year will be easier than this one.

If you would like to participate in Friday Focus and share what God has been teaching you lately, click here.

Friday Focus - Unexpected Blessings

A few weeks ago I was getting a bit stressed.  I had heaps of assessments for TAFE due soon and I had gotten behind in my schedule.  Although TAFE is nowhere near as stressful as uni, I didn't want to fail the whole semester because I missed deadlines.  I could say it was because of Nan being sick, friends coming to visit, or other commitments, but in reality, it was due to my own poor planning.

So, after thinking I was going to have to pull a few all-nighters (which I have never done) just to get everything finished, I got sick.  It started off as the flu - cough, fevers, body aches and pains, stuffed head and general not-with-it-ness which I thought I had conquered with cold and flu tablets.  But the cough remained and it got progressively worse until I couldn't go for more than two minutes without hacking and wheezing.  By last Thursday I was coughing so much I was struggling to breathe and thought I was going to choke to death (panicking of course only made the cough worse).  By this stage I also had two incredibly red and bloodshot eyes which kept oozing gunk.  For two consecutive mornings, I woke up unable to open my eyes properly.  The gunk had dried, forcing them shut, and I had to stagger to the bathroom, prise them open and clean them.  At the doctor's, he diagnosed me with a chest infection and a contagious eye infection, gave me a bag of drugs and told me to stay home for a few days.

Normally being sick would have been the worst thing that could have happened, but I was still well enough to sit at a computer and work.  I got more done over the last weekend than I have over the past couple of months.  Being sick was an incredible and unexpected blessing from God.  I honestly believe God allowed me to be sick to help me get my assignments done.  He brought good out of my own disorganisation.  What kind of God is this?

As I was marvelling at God's kindness, a thought struck me.  Would I be so thankful if God had allowed me to get gastro instead of a chest infection?  What if I had spent days with my head in the toilet and unable to work at all?  Would I still thank Him then?  The honest answer: probably not.

I was reading Meredith's post about how we are quick to say, "God is good to us," when He answers our prayers the way we want Him to, but we often fail to acknowledge God's goodness ALL of the time - even during testing times.  That was a challenge to me, but I still think don't want to get too politically correct (or biblically correct in this case) and fail to thank God for specific blessings.

In this case, I was blessed with hindsight in that I was able to see how God had used my sickness for good.  But God ALWAYS uses things for the good of those who love Him.  I have to trust that and walk by faith and not by sight.  So if I get gastro (which is going around unfortunately), God is not a meanie; He is using that for my good, which I may not know this side of heaven.  Having said that....God, please DON'T let me get gastro...PLEASE.

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Friday Focus - Prayers For Rayssa

I've been sponsoring a Brazilian girl named Rayssa through Compassion since mid 2006, so it came as quite a shock a couple of months back when I received a letter from Compassion saying that I would no longer be able to sponsor her anymore.  The letter implied that Compassion Brazil had severed ties with the church which ran the project Rayssa attended, but was rather sketchy with the reasons.  All it said was that Compassion had concerns with the church for a while, and when the church failed to address these concerns, Compassion made the difficult choice to no longer partner with this fellowship.  They said they were worried that my sponsorship money had not been getting to Rayssa, and I wondered whether there was theft and perhaps false teaching happening.

I totally agree with Compassion's decision, but ultimately it is not the dodgy church that suffers, it's the children.  Compassion try and transfer the children to a nearby project, but unfortunately, in this case, there isn't one and so my sponsorship of Rayssa was brought to an end.  I still keep thinking of her, wondering what is going to happen to her now she longer has a sponsor.  Is she going to be ok?  Will she still be able to escape the cycle of poverty?  Will she continue to hear about the love and forgiveness found in Jesus?  Ultimately I know God is a big God, more than capable of looking after His children.  He graciously chose me to help Rayssa, but He doesn't need me.  I'm just saddened by the end of four years of letter-writing and I hope she knows she was as much a blessing to my life as the project monitor said I was to hers.

I remember receiving a letter from Rayssa (well, from the monitor written on her behalf) containing words which have remained with me ever since.  She wrote, Her family praise God for your life.  Wow!  I was floored.  God had used my life and the money He had blessed me with to bring good to someone else.  Money I easily lived without and hadn't even missed.  Yet, it had made all the difference to Rayssa and her family.

I know Jesus has a heart for the poor, but sometimes I don't know where to start.  There is so much poverty and so much suffering, even in our own communities.  I can't save the world, but I chose to try and help one child.  If we all help one child, imagine the difference we could make of bringing compassion in Jesus' name.  If you're lost as to where to start, consider sponsoring a child.  Don't feel pressure, but see it as a chance to show love and share with those in need.

God has shown me what a privilege it is to be able to give to brothers and sisters around the world who could only dream of living the life we lead in Australia.  I'm now sponsoring Wayua from Kenya and am about to write my first letter to her.  But although my sponsorship of Rayssa has ended, it doesn't mean my prayers for her have to.

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Friday Focus - Mourning With The Mourning

I know before I even really start typing that this post is probably going to be controversial.

A Tale of Two Friends
Earlier this year, a close friend of mine suffered a terrible loss.  As she went through the various stages of grief, and I did my best to comfort her from 300km away, she told me that many others in her life who she considered friends had not been so comforting.  She is a strong Christian who has not doubted God's love, but has been burned by the lack of acknowledgement of her grief by those in her church.  Since then, she has struggled to attend church regularly.

She told me that some people avoided her.  Others that she had told of her grief kept chatting to her like nothing had happened, but did not even offer one word of acknowledgement about her pain.  She said some offered much comfort in the beginning, but seemed to fall away after her time of struggle turned into weeks, and then months.  Out of all the people who said they were there for her in the beginning, only one friend continued to follow her up and meet with her to pray.

The second friend was rocked by the death of her brother's fiancee (who was also a close friend of hers) in early May, which I briefly mentioned in my post Not When, But If.  Her friend and sister-in-law to-be went to sleep one night and never woke up.  She was only twenty years old.  Since that time, my friend has expressed much of her grief on Facebook by writing beautiful, but heartbreaking letters to her late friend, and most of her status updates in recent times have been rather melancholy as she struggles to come to terms with her sudden loss.  About a month after the death, I was speaking to a mutual friend who asked why my friend kept putting sad statuses on Facebook a month on, as if she should be over it by now.  Ummm, newsflash: my friend may NEVER fully get over it.  She is taking steps forward, but it will certainly not be in the timeframe other people set for her.  I was astounded how anyone could make such a heartless comment.

Just Do Something
The first friend said the thing that hurt her the most was the lack of acknowledgement of her pain by other Christians...the people who she thought she could count on the most.  She wasn't asking for wise words, meals, hugs or gifts...she just wanted people to stop pretending it wasn't happening because it made them uncomfortable. All she wanted was for them to say, "I'm sorry for your loss," or "I'm praying for you."  Nothing deep, nothing profound.  But because she felt so many people were ignoring her, she felt more alone than ever.

I agree that it's difficult to know exactly how to help the hurting.  Some want people around them and others want space.  Some may become aggressive as they deal with their grief.  But however uncomfortable we may feel about their potential reaction, we need to realise that that person is feeling much worse.  Sometimes it may be good to ask how you can help practically, but often they may be too woolly-headed to ask for help so actions do speak loudly, such as cleaning someone's house or bringing them a meal.  If they have a request for you, like prayer or a hug or just to sit and talk, then DO it.  Read their body language which will usually be a strong indicator whether they want to talk or be left alone.

What Not To Do
Everyone's different, but I think there are some things that should definitely be avoided in times of suffering.  One is cracking jokes with someone who has just experienced a terrible loss.  They don't want to laugh, they need to grieve.  I have experienced such rage at people when I've told them about something terrible that has just happened, and all they do is smirk and spit out stupid one-liners.  They aren't trying to cheer me up; they just want to diffuse the atmosphere because it's making them feel uncomfortable.  SELFISH!

Don't say stupid things!  When Duncan's brother died nearly 11 years ago, he had someone come up to him and say, "I'm so sorry for your loss," (which he was fine with and appreciated), but then they continued to babble on, saying stuff like, "You must miss him," (well, duh!).  It's not about being cliched, but sometimes a short statement, a text message expressing your love or a sympathy card in the post can speak far more powerfully than incessant babbling.

The other thing that really makes me mad is when people who have experienced intense suffering fail to comfort others going through strife.  I really hate it when some people (particularly elderly Christians unfortunately) say blunt things like, "You're obviously not trusting God enough."  When I hear that, I think to myself, You nasty old crone.  You've received comfort when you were down, yet you fail to offer it gently to others with genuine concerns.  We ALL need to be pointed back to the love of God in the midst of our grief, but there is a way to do it and that is with TACT.

No Excuses
The old excuse, "I just don't know what to say," (so they avoid the grieving person and say nothing) doesn't cut it with me.  Instead of going out of their way to bring comfort to someone, all they can think about is their own potential discomfort.  Again, the selfishness of some people never ceases to amaze me.  It is worth experiencing discomfort for the comfort of others.  If you're not sure what to say, just say something like, "I'm sorry for your loss," or "I'm praying for you."  That's all some people want...acknowledgement.  The knowledge that someone cares for them...especially when they have gone out of their way to let people know what has happened only to be ignored.

I've heard a number of Christians talk about 'pity parties' as if they're too afraid to give comfort in case their friend decides to indulge in their sadness.  If that's their reason for ignoring the hurting then that is the most pathetic excuse I have ever heard!  My two grieving friends do not want to indulge in self-pity.  They want to move forward with baby steps, but if we are so insensitive we cannot acknowledge the terrible nature of death, then that is a very sorry state of affairs.

We are commanded by God to offer comfort to the suffering...just like the comfort He gives to us.  But I've realised that some just want to selfishly sit on the comfort they've received from God because it takes them too far out of their comfort zone to offer it to anyone else.  Paul says, "Mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15).  Comfort is not to be left to those who supposedly have the gift of comfort.  Yes, there are gifted evangelists, for example, but that's not an excuse for the rest of us to never be involved in evangelism.  We ALL have the responsibility for bringing comfort to those in our midst.

A Big Fat 'F' For The Church
Too many times the church has failed in this area.  So many churches have shallow relationships, masks and fake smiles.  To be honest, when I've admitted that I'm not doing so well, some people have almost looked annnoyed and uncomfortable as if I'm ruining their happiness and they can't wait to get rid of me.  Oh no, you can't talk about something SERIOUS in the church...we only talk about the weather or what our kids got up to here.  Or you just need to stop having a pity party and trust the Lord more.  *I roll my eyes*.

The Bible describes the church as a body.  We all are different and unique parts, each with our role to play.  If one part cannot function, the whole body is affected.  Think of when you have a sore foot.  Other parts of the body rally and take more of the load so that foot will not have to bear it.  I guess I had this kind of naive view that that would be how church would be like.  Sadly my hopes have often been dashed.  A friend told me a few years ago now, "I feel like our church is 'correct' (as in it has 'good teaching'), but I haven't really experienced a lot of love there."  Ouch!  And this was coming from a guy! 

If we know in our heads that the Bible commands us to comfort others, yet do nothing, that is detestable.  Unfortunately churches are very good at making people very busy and self-absorbed.  Some people are too wrapped up in themselves to notice what is going on around them.  I want to have wide-open eyes so I can see what is going on around me.  We are told to carry each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2), but unfortunately many people will just make you feel like an inconvenience.  Some people have said they find it hard because they feel they are shouldering too much.  When someone tells me about their troubles, I try to do all I can, but still take a step backwards so as not to make myself too stressed and unable to help them at all.  Perhaps if everyone took this seriously, the burden-carrying would not just fall to a kindheared few.

Having said all that, I do not want to take anything away from the genuine Christians I have met who have showed love and compassion to those in need.

Two-Second Facebook Memories
I am generally a big fan of Facebook in that it eases the burden of isolation somewhat.  But I've realised that it has its downsides.  Facebook and the media have made us into news-hungry sensationalists, in that so many people are constantly on the lookout for the latest 'heading', but have forgotten what they read two seconds ago.  Rodney from The Journey mentioned this in his post How can we forget Haiti?, pointing out that Haiti's plight does not end the moment it disappears from our TV screens.  Now, I'm starting to make mental and written notes of people's struggles mentioned on Facebook so that I can continue to pray long after it ceases to be 'news'.  I mean, seriously, people have memories like sieves these days, and we forget follow-up care.  One of my close friends had her first child a couple of weeks ago, and I want her to know that when all of the congratulatory hype dies down, that I'm still praying for this new little family and willing to help them in any way I can.  The same is true for both of the friends I have mentioned who are walking through grief.  With the second friend, I've noticed that the number of comments on her posts have dwindled as if people are becoming bored with her being so down.  I want to keep walking with those friends.  Grief and sorrow has no time limit.  Cathy from The Best Book Co-op has a brilliant post here about walking with friends through grief.

My Own Story
Why am I writing about this for Friday Focus?  Well, since Nan has been in hospital, I've seen the true colours of some people I know.  I'm not big on emailing or texting prayer points, but I know a number of people who do it regularly, contacting quite a few of their friends who they think are the praying-types and letting them know of a situation or a friend who needs to be lifted towards our Heavenly Father.  I'm happy to respond to these prayer requests and I believe if something is big enough to worry about, then it's big enough to pray about...I just can't ever remember sending out a prayer request before....until a few weeks ago.  I asked people to pray for Nan, explaining that my main concern was that she turn to Christ.  A number of people responded, but many I have not heard from at all.  Since then I have struggled with bitterness and anger.  I KNOW some people would have got that message since I've seen they have been on Facebook, mucking around, commenting on other people's trivial statuses about the weather or a bad coffee they had, yet they couldn't even take two seconds to say to me, "Yes, I'll pray," or "Sorry to hear that."  I noticed that when I put something silly and meaningless on Facebook like that I made the Mr Grumpy cake for Duncan's birthday, everybody comments or 'likes' it.  Yet, when I write that I'm visiting Nan in hospital, only one person comments.  ONE!  What sort of culture are we creating that we are happy to talk crap with people, yet we can't take two seconds out of our time-wasting to offer comfort?  I read this article the other day, and this bit stood out at me:
We're very good at celebrating good news in our culture. You're pregnant! Engaged! You got married! Had a baby! Bought a house! Got a promotion! But we're collectively hopeless when it comes to acknowledging things that are painful, awkward, unpleasant and sad.
I couldn't have said it better myself!

Another reason I'm struggling with anger towards some people is not just their lack of acknowledgement, but because I've counselled, hugged and helped some of these people when they're sad, but they can't be bothered doing the same for me in my hour of need.  I receive a fair few phone calls, emails and texts asking for support etc, so I didn't think it was too much to ask for some back.  All I was asking for was prayer for Nan.  That takes TWO MINUTES.  I wasn't asking for hugs, presents, food or a long chat.  All I wanted was for them to lift this prayer up to God.  I'm not asking them to love Nan as much as I do.  When friends have contacted me, asking me to pray for another friend of theirs, it's true that I don't know or love them as much as they do.  But I do care, and as I pray for this stranger, a peculiar thing happens.  I feel like I am united with them, I feel some of their pain, I sometimes even cry for them because although we haven't met, we are both part of the body of Christ and when they hurt, I hurt somewhat too.  Maybe some people just don't give a toss about the elderly.  I've heard that attitude from some young Christians and it has disgusted me.  They don't think the elderly are worth evangelistic efforts, that we should be focusing on young people.  Umm, hello, God cares about everyone.  Shouldn't we put some effort into people who don't know God and are near the END of their lives?  Maybe more people would respond if I was emailing them about a baby.  It's like some people think, She's just an old lady who's going to die soon anyway.  Well, this may be news to some people, but she matters to ME.  And I thought the salvation of those who don't know Christ should matter to some Christians.

I get tired of people who expect me to be full of jokes all the time, playing the clown and being the one who always cheers THEM up.  Well, I get sad too!  And I need to know that some people actually care.  Right now, I know I have some fantastic, genuine friends who have shown such love over the past few weeks (you know who you are).  But I'm also realising with sadness that some so-called 'friends' are not friends at all.  Oh they're very happy to have me around listening to their problems.  But when I need someone, they're nowhere to be found.  Or they actually have the nerve to smirk or have a little laugh while I'm trying to relay my grief.  All I am is a free counselling service to them.  I've tried to make excuses for them.  Maybe they're busy.  Maybe they forgot.  But now I'm acknowledging the harsh truth.  Some people are too self-absorbed and it's all about them!  I said to Duncan the other day that I'm trying to convince myself that some people have got my messages and prayed, but just not told me.  But from my vantage point, it feels like I'm being completely ignored.

Well, what has God has been teaching me through this?  To tell the truth, I really don't know.  Maybe He has been showing me that I have some really great friends...and some who don't care less?  Maybe He has been highlighting just how far the church falls short when it comes to comforting the sorrowing?  At women's Bible study on Tuesday, we looked at James (yes, the passages about the tongue), and I felt Him convicting me of my desire to really have a go at some people.  But how can you speak graciously to someone when your sinful nature is screaming at you to spit in their face?  It is a hard and painful transformation process.  I know my anger and bitterness will just consume me if I let it which is not what God desires.  Somehow I need to be godly in His strength, even though I have been hurt.

I'm still wrestling with how to confront people and how to deal with lopsided friendships.  If anyone has any suggestions, I would like to hear them.

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Friday Focus - But Even If He Does Not...

Last weekend was mostly very pleasant.  Duncan and I had spent the weekend in Perth, celebrating his birthday, and by Sunday evening we were about two-thirds of the way home.  That was when Duncan's mobile rang.  He struggled to retrieve it from his pocket and by the time he had passed it to me to answer, it was too late.  I looked down at the missed number and saw that it was my dad's mobile.  We pulled over so I could call him back, knowing that if we kept driving, we could soon drop out of range.

It was the phone call I had been dreading for many years.  I know it's not healthy to panic every time the phone rings, or to have to your heart freeze when you listen to a message on the answering machine from your parents, asking you to call them immediately, but giving no explanation why.

My nan, who is 97-years-old and has lived with my parents for the past 18 months, had been experiencing some problems with her right foot.  When she told my parents she had had no feeling in her foot for a few days, they rushed her to the Albany hospital where the doctors did a number of tests, and declared that her foot was almost certainly dead.  The only 'cure' for a dead limb is amputation, but the Royal Flying Doctors flew her to Perth where they thought there might be a slim chance a surgeon could save her foot.

I couldn't stop crying for the whole of Sunday night.  I was grieving more for her spiritual state than her physical one.  My nan is not Christian.  At times she has been hostile towards my faith.  She grew up in the church, but later drifted away.  Now, she believes she will go to heaven because she has been a 'good person' and it is impossible to persuade her otherwise.  To her, sinners are murderers, rapists and dictators, and she often expresses extreme confidence that on the day of her death, God will give her a 7 out of 10 and accept her based on her works.  In fact, she often states how she is ready for death.  She even refuses to get new glasses, saying, "What's the point of spending all that money?  I'm just going to die soon anyway."

The doctors were going to try and operate to remove the clot by making an incision in her groin and having a wire travel down her leg to remove it.  Since the foot had  been 'dead' for several days, they weren't hopeful.  If the operation failed, she was given two choices: to have her right leg amputated above the knee, or to do nothing meaning which she would certainly die within a couple of weeks.  When she was given this choice, she apparently told them, "Oh well, I'll just have to have my leg off then."  My dad wasn't so sure she was understanding the ramifications of this. 

He told her, "You know you won't be able to have a prosthetic leg, don't you?" to which she replied, "Well, how will I get around then?" 

Dad told her, "You won't.  You'll be in a wheelchair or a bed.  And you won't be able to live with us anymore.  You will have to go to a nursing home where they'll be able to care for you." 

Nan said, "Oh," and sat and thought about it, but still wanted to choose amputation should it come to that.  Several things struck me as my dad relayed that conversation to me.  She might constantly say she's ready to die, but when death stared her in the face, she wasn't ready to die at all.  I thought, maybe, just maybe, she doesn't have the assurance of where she is going after death after all.

I prayed pretty much without ceasing on Monday as Nan went in for her surgery.  It was a success.  They are almost certain they have saved her foot.  I was terrified she would die on the operating table without making peace with God, but she had a far better reaction to the anaesthetic than many younger people do.  She has some complications for which she will need tests for, but it looks like amputation has been avoided, and she will have to remain in Fremantle Hospital for at least the next fortnight.  This is her first visit to Perth since 1991!

As I searched the Scriptures for comfort, my first instinct was to go to the Psalms.  But God reminded me of Daniel 3, which may seem like a strange passage to some.  For years, I have been pleading with God to work in my nan's heart so that she would be humbled enough to trust Christ for her salvation, and not her works.  Nothing I say can get through to her (as much as I love her, she is a stubborn old goat sometimes).  I don't doubt God can change the hearts of even the most hostile of enemies.  But will he?  In the book of Daniel (for those unfamiliar with the story), the kingdom of Judah is captured by the Babylonians and the people sent into exile in Babylon.  Daniel and three of his friends, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah (who were renamed Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) are chosen among the young men sent to the palace of King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to learn the literature and language of the Babylonians.

In Daniel 3 (part of which I quoted yesterday), King Nebuchadnezzar sets up an image of gold and commands all the people under his control to bow down and worship it.  When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refuse to forsake the one true God, Nebuchadnezzar is furious with them and threatens to throw them into a blazing furnace.  The three young men are not deterred and they boldly declare, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.    But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

The story ends with the three men being thrown into the fire, and God rescues them in what is a truly amazing miracle.

I got great comfort from reading this story again.  While God did rescue the three men, they did not know that when they boldly declared their faith to King Nebuchadnezzar.  They were determined not to 'sell out' on God, even if cost them their lives.  They fully recognised God's capability to do more than they could ask or imagine, but they knew, in His sovereignty, He may choose not to rescue them.

As I pray for God to change my nan's heart, I am fully confident in his ability to do it.  He can do anything.  But I know He may choose not to, and then I am faced with a choice.  Will I keep trusting Him the way Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did, or will I walk away, angry that He did not answer my prayers in the way I wanted Him to.  This is when I really have to 'live my own posts' by looking back to the cross and reminding myself of God's character.  If my nan dies without turning to Christ, it will devastate me.  I know I cannot know what is in her heart; that is only something God knows.  For years, I have pleaded with God not to take her until she has trusted in Him.  But I know I cannot make those kinds of deals with God.  I just have to do my bit of sharing the gospel with others, and trust that the rest is His work.

Duncan and I are going to Perth on Saturday night and we plan to spend Sunday with her in hospital.  We are praying for opportunities to speak of Christ to her, and that God would be pleased to work in her.  But even if He should not....I will continue to follow the Lord and trust in His goodness.

Celebrating Nan's 90th birthday.  January 2003

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Friday Focus - Is The Cross Enough For You and Me?

A little while ago I read a very thought-provoking article titled A Journey To Parenthood in which the author describes her struggles with infertility, and in which she asks the question all Christians need to ask themselves.  Do we really consider the cross enough?

From my own experience, it's easy to be thankful for Jesus' death and resurrection when things are peachy.  But when suffering and unfulfilled hopes wear me down, I begin to doubt God's goodness.  I forget the enormous sacrifice He made.  I start to doubt His character and accuse Him of unfaithfulness, when I am the one whose heart is forever wandering.

That article was a jolt back to reality.  I need to preach the gospel to myself every day to remind myself that God owes me nothing and has already given me everything.

So now I keep asking myself these sobering questions: Would I really say, "God is good all the time," if he had left me a single librarian (and now with glasses....just to add to the stereotype)?  What if I have cancer?  Or can't have children?  Or I lose Duncan or another loved one?  How about if I become poor and destitute?

That's when I need to refocus and remember the awe and wonder of God coming to earth in the person of Jesus, and dying a horrible, agonising death at the hands of His creation to pay for the sins of a world in rebellion against Him as its King.  That he defeated death by rising again so that those who trust in Him may live with Him forever in His glory.

If the cross was all God ever did, would that be enough for you?

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Friday Focus - From the Inside Out

Recently, a women's Bible study group was formed at my church.  It was something I'd been thinking and praying about for a long time, wondering if it was a wise idea to get involved in another 'activity', whether it should be in the morning for young mums, or would any of the women be interested in coming at all?  In the end, I placed it in the 'too hard' basket as far as doing anything myself, but I kept praying about it whenever it entered my mind.  Then a month or so ago, a friend at church approached me, and told me she wanted to start a women's group, to meet once every three weeks on a Tuesday night, and would I be interested in coming along?  Wow!  God is good.  We've met a couple of times so far, and I've found it encouraging as well as convicting.  Each time we listen to an online sermon, then journal and pray about it by ourselves, and then chat together about it.  It has been great meeting with people who are honest and transparent, rather than feeling Bible study is like an academic exercise.

The first week focused on Romans 12, particularly on the first few verses where it speaks about Christians being living sacrifices, and being transformed by the renewing of our minds.  I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  We are responsible for putting sin to death in our lives, but none of this is possible without God at work in us by His Spirit.  That's what I was getting at in Friday Focus: Take 5.  Take 5 will not work unless I have a new heart and new mind from which my thoughts and opinions flow.  I can stifle corrupting talk all I want, but it doesn't stop the ugliness flowing from my heart.

I think Christians who focus on morals get it very, VERY wrong.  Our new lives come from the hope and forgiveness we have in Christ, so we should be focusing on telling unbelievers the gospel, rather than insisting  they stop drinking, stop sleeping around etc first.  Insisting our unbelieving friends and family cease certain behaviours will not make them Christian.  I was talking to someone recently about whether we should rebuke non-Christians for swearing.  This person thinks it is a good idea and puts it into practice with their workmates.  I am of the opposite view.  I do not insist on godless people living a godly lifestyle.  It may make them Pharisees, but it will not make them followers of Christ.  Jesus spoke about this to the Pharisees in Matthew 15: 18-20, "But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean.' "  It is the gospel which changes people from the inside out, and that is the hope we are to share with others.

Knowing that God is at work in me, renewing my mind brings me great comfort, but if I'm honest with myself, sometimes I don't really want to change.  Sometimes I like my cold, bitter heart, and I don't want to love others; I want them to suffer, like they've done to me.  This is being brutally honest.  At our last women's Bible study, I felt God convicting me of self-righteousness and having a critical spirit, that although others' sin is real and hurtful, it doesn't excuse my own.  I've felt him tapping away at me for a while now like an annoying cricket, and I keep wanting to say, "Go away, God.  I'm not going to change.  It's THEM who should change."  Part of my fear of letting God renew my mind and give me a new heart is that I'll become a pushover.  As I commented on my post, Featherbrained, I already feel that people take advantage of me, and they still don't get how their behaviour is thoughtless and hurtful; they keep thinking I'll say, "That's ok.  No worries," all the time.  I keep saying to God, "If you change me to make me a kinder, more loving person, then they'll keep hurting me."  I know I need to trust God with this.

This is a prayer which I wrote during a reflection time:

Lord, I don't want to be self-righteous and bitter, but I know I am.  More and more people keep hurting me and failing my basic expectations.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know whether to confront or be silent.  They don't get it, Lord.  I'm worried I'm going to be consumed by anger.  I feel like I'm better than them, Lord, because I don't do what they do.  But I know you're convicting me of this lie.  Help me love them and forgive them.  Is it wrong for me to pray that they'll change?  I don't know anymore.  I fear it's going to keep happening.  Change them, Lord, but change me too.  I don't want to be used by people, Lord.  Mould me and make me like your Son.  I'm asking this even though I'm scared about what it could involve.

Now one of my regular prayers is for God to renew my mind, to take the self-righteousness and bitterness away before it consumes me, so that I may see people as God sees them.  It sure ain't easy, and I would really appreciate your prayers for God to change me from the inside out.

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Friday Focus - Take 5

I've decided to join Amanda from Amanda's Musings Friday Focus series to reflect on what God has been teaching me lately.

Recently I was having a conversation with someone when they suddenly made a remark which inwardly cut me to pieces.  Basically they were poking fun at my physical appearance, and I was so shocked I couldn't offer much of a response except to gape at them.  That night, I lay awake for hours, replaying the conversation over and over in my head so I could respond differently.  In each of my inner 'role plays', I offered a sharp rebuke, and they apologised.

I'm sure this person meant no harm, but I still wonder why they had to bring it up in the first place.  I understand the need to rebuke and correct when someone's behaviour is sinful, but they were simply ridiculing a physical attribute of mine.  It had no benefit to me and it only succeeded in making me self-conscious.  Since I felt like I'd gotten to the stage where I was reasonably comfortable and accepting of the body God has given me, this landed quite a blow.  I'm still self-conscious about it now.  So why did this person do it?  Well, I don't really want to bring it up with them again if I don't have to, but I'm wondering if they did it to take the spotlight off their own body, to inflate their own confidence and deflate mine?  Who can understand women, honestly!

The whole conversation got me thinking about the tongue.  One little organ can be used for so much good, yet so much evil.  We build up and encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ, then seconds later we use it to tear people down...people made in God's image.  It got me thinking about how I use my tongue.  I've said my fair share of dumb things over the years, things I wish I could take back.  Often God has revealed my sin to me by having others sin against me in the same way.  Then I've turned to God and said, "Ok that hurt, I think I'm STARTING to get it now."

I've started to employ a new strategy which I've called 'Take 5'.  Basically when a smart arse, belittling or sarcastic comment find its way to the tip of my tongue, I take five seconds to think about whether it would be a good idea to voice it.  Would this comment encourage or tear down?  Is it appropriate?  If it's of no benefit to anyone, then I need to learn to keep my fat mouth shut.  I've been surprised at the number of times I've used 'Take 5' that so many remarks I was planning were simply not helpful at all, and I'm grateful for the grace of God that I didn't voice them.  My tongue is sharp.  I could tear you to pieces and leave you reeling if I wanted to.  I'm beginning to realise this is not a gift of wit, but it flows from my own pride....pride in wanting to be known as a quick-witted, funny person who has all the best comeback lines, and wanting to get a cheap laugh for myself at the expense of others.  This has been hard to swallow.

Although 'Take 5' has helped me evaluate my own heart in a sense, I need more than just a stifling of unhelpful remarks before they get to my tongue.  I need a heart change.

That's a topic for another post....