Why 2011 Won't Be 'The Year of the Pessimist'

You may not believe it, but I really am an optimist...and a realist.  I get my hopes up.  I like to believe the best of people.  Maybe that's why I get so crushed; your hopes have a lot further to fall when you're an optimist.

But I'm also a realist.  I believe that all things are possible with God, but in His sovereignty, He won't always answer prayers the way we would like.  So I sit on the cusp of optimism/realism.  Hopeful, but not unrealistic.

By the end of 2010, I was feeling somewhat disillusioned.  Although there were some highlights, it was generally a stinker of a year - especially the latter half.  Here's what went wrong:

• I have had an agonisingly painful lower back since February courtesy of sleeping on a dodgy mattress at a holiday house in Jurien.  Chiropractic and Bowen Therapy have offered temporary relief, but every time I thought it was getting better, it would seize up again and I could hardly move.
• My Nan's illness and the stress and hardships that brought on my family, particularly my parents.
• Duncan's brother's battle with Bipolar Disorder and the stress that brought on Duncan's family and some of our mutual friends.
• Many of my friends had a tough year suffering from illness, stress, unemployment, harsh treatment from others, death of loved ones.
• I was forced to seriously re-evaluate some so-called friendships which appeared to be very lopsided.  I felt like I was pouring myself out for other people (as much as you can from a distance), and some were happy to take, but not give in return.
• The event organisation side of my job was stressful.
• I was sick more times in the latter half of the year than I have been in the previous two years combined.  Illnesses/accidents included the flu, a chest infection, nausea, diarrhoea, concussion (and resulting vertigo).
• Moving house was stressful, and four of our hens didn't make it.  When we arrived, our house wasn't really fit to live in.
• In general, I felt like I had lost my groove and didn't really fit in in Buntine/Dalwallinu.

As 2011 drew nearer, I didn't hold out much hope that it was going to be any better than its predecessor.  After all, how was 2011 not going to be the year when I had to say goodbye to Nan?  Eight days into the new year, my fears were realised.  It's tempting to be a pessimist.  After all, isn't the attraction of pessimism that you'll never be disappointed?

Two days into the new year, God spoke to me in the form of a sermon we heard while visiting a church in Albany.  The pastor said that our hope as Christians is not in the past, but in the future.  We look back at the past and see Christ's death on the cross in our place, but our hope is in the future when Christ comes again and there will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain  for those who love Him.  This really helped me not to look for solace in the past, but to keep my eyes fixed on Him, no matter what the immediate future may bring.

My plans of being a pessimist have been disbandoned.  I cannot help but look to 2011 with hope.