It doesn't feel like it, but we have now been living in Kojonup for over six months.
What a year 2011 has been for me! One of challenges, one of illness, one of impatience, one of growth, and one of grief. And we're only halfway through the year!
In January, I told you all Why 2011 Won't Be 'The Year of the Pessimist'. Despite my dear Nan passing away eight days into the new year, I was determined to look to this year with hope. Well, there have been times where I've sorely wished I could be a pessimist then I would never be disappointed. There have been meltdowns, there have been tears, there have been times where I wanted to walk away and move back to Perth. I often feel sick and tired of living in the middle of nowhere where it's a struggle to get basic technology to work and still WAITING for our house renovations to be finished, and there is a very distinct small town culture of farming, kids and drinking which I just don't fit into.
My time in Perth revealed to me that I'm not a city person. But I'm certainly not a small town person either. Maybe I'm a regional centre person? Or maybe I'm just really looking forward to being with the Lord forever in His renewed creation. Probably the latter.
But despite this sounding like the most miserable post you've read all year, you'll probably be glad to hear about 'the moment' which I had recently. I was sitting at my computer, just like I am now, when I stretched my arms out in front of me and realised....I have arms! And legs! And eyes! I am truly blessed. I might have arthritis and have to go on a special diet to manage it, I might be an odd bod who doesn't fit in, I might know a few rude people who give me grief in person and online....but I am blessed!
I still have good health...mostly.
I have two fantastic jobs and two amazing bosses who have welcomed and encouraged me.
I have family close by.
I have a lovely husband and pets.
I have true friends who really care.
AND.....I have a very BIG God who is faithful even though my heart is forever wandering.
I've also been thinking about the word 'discipline' recently. Normally the first thought to come to my mind is you've been naughty and need to be punished, so when the Bible talks about God disciplining His children, I tend to think of it very negatively. But Hebrews 12:7-11 sees discipline as a sign that you are God's child. Discipline may be painful, but if God didn't do it, He wouldn't really care about us much. God disciplines us so we will become more Christ-like, and He often does this through hardship and suffering.
I really don't know the specifics of why God is allowing certain things to happen in my life, but I know He always uses it for my good and that it is part of the refining process. This year has been a huge lesson in patience (particularly where our house is concerned), yet I'm still impatient. I'm torn between not wanting any more pain, yet wanting God to do as He wants with me because He is the potter and I am the clay.