Marriage 101: Leave and Cleave

The whole issue of a newlywed couple becoming their own, new family is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. You see, a lot of people won't see newlyweds as a family of their own until they have their first child. I think that's wrong. From the moment Duncan and I were married we became our own family. A family of only two but a family nevertheless (Duncan refuses to count Ebony and Maya as our 'family'). ;)

Also, what does it mean for a couple to 'leave and cleave'? Genesis 2:24 says a husband will LEAVE his mother and father, yet what about cultures where multiple generations live together in the same household? I'm presuming that although parents are still around and in our lives, they are no longer our primary family. For example, the number 1 woman in a man's life is his wife, and not his mother. Likewise a woman's number 1 man is her husband, and not her father.

In Australia, most married couples don't live with their parents. But up here, it's common for a son and his wife to live on the same farm as his parents and I'm hearing more and more stories of people who have a somewhat....errr...strained relationship with their in-laws. Personally I'm very glad that Duncan and I live way out here and have had the time and space to get to know each other and make decisions together. We were talking to an older couple ages ago who said they went to live in the country in the first year after getting married and said it was the best thing for their marriage. I like the way our families can still visit but we're not living on top of each other and I do feel sorry for some of the young women up here who have married into a farming family and it looks like they've become completely absorbed by their husband's family. By that I mean their husband's family might live next door and their family far away. In other cultures it's probably normal for people to live with their parents or in-laws but there's no way I'd want that to happen. I think for some relationships to flourish it's best for there to be physical space between family members. I've got on so much better with my parents since I left home.

I think in a marriage you need to understand that while your spouse may get on very well with your family, it's an altogether different kettle of fish if you were to move in next door to them. Sometimes I hear of women who want to move next-door to their parents so their mum can babysit etc but the husband isn't quite so keen to live next-door to his mother-in-law and who could blame him!

One thing I'm learning is despite their children marrying and leaving home, parents never stop PARENTING. It's hard when we're thinking through some big decisions and other family members are lumping unwanted advice on us. The Bible says we are to honour parents but that doesn't mean we will always agree, even if the parents are Christian. I'm actually dreading having children for that reason. Some of the people who whinged and gave us grief about our wedding plans were family; how much worse is it going to be when there are children involved? Everyone seems to have their own opinion on what are the best parenting techniques and it really annoys me when they force their opinion on others as if it's gospel truth. I'm the kind of person who will ask for help or advice if I want it.....I don't want it forced on me. I shudder when I hear of family members bitching about other family members' parenting skills. If they're going to bitch about them, then they'll surely bitch about me.

Although Duncan and I often don't see eye-to-eye about decisions we must make, I'm loving us being our own little family and I'm glad we have other family in our lives. But personally, I think leaving their parents and establishing their own home is the best thing any newlywed couple can do.