1. Two blondes walk into a building...you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message: If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.
3. A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only cling wrap for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor said, "I'll give you some cream to put on that."
6. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving the other day. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine'. So, that was nice.
7. A man walked into the doctor's. He said, "I've hurt my arm in several places.
The doctor said, "Well, don't go there anymore."