Can You Have Too Many Friends?

Yes, I think you can have too many friends.

But you can never have too many acquaintances.

You see, acquaintances are happy just to keep the friendship at surface level.  Catch-ups with acquaintances are often in a group situation, revolve around some kind of fun activity, and generally die when you or they move away.  The acquaintance meets the companionship need, but not the deep, emotional connection need.  I wrote about this in my post, The Inner Circle back in 2008.

But true friendship revolves around more than entertainment (although it certainly does include having fun together).  True friendship assumes an emotional connection, support, and openness.  Such friendships require trust, time and support.  True friendship involves getting your hands dirty in sharing each other's ups and downs.  Therefore, such relationships can involve much more time than acquaintance-level friendships.  On top of other life responsibilities, there is only so much we can give.

Having said that, problems can arise when there are differing expectations between friends.

That's a topic for another post.

Quote of the Day

In my rather scathing post, Friday Focus: Mourning With The Mourning, I mentioned two friends of mine who are grieving.  I was talking to the first friend on the phone a few weeks ago, and she said the following quote, in relation to those who have avoided her during her grief.  A true friend will be there during both the ups AND downs.


If you're not going to share in my sorrow, then I don't want you to share in my joy.
-Anonymous

5 Thoughts on the Ben Cousins Documentary

For those of you living overseas, under a rock, or just personally despise the square box known as television, the two-part documentary, Such is Life: The Troubled Times of Ben Cousins screened two weeks ago.  I, along with over two million other Australians, watched both parts.

If you live in Australia, it's hard NOT to know who Ben Cousins is, but for the benefits of international readers and those who do not follow the AFL, I will explain.  Ben Cousins is a Australian Rules footballer, who recently retired after a fourteen-year career in the Australian Football League (AFL).  He played for the team I barrack for, the West Coast Eagles, from 1996-2007 and finished his career with Richmond from 2009-10.  In 2008, he was infamously deregistered as an AFL player for bringing the game into disrepute.  The reason?  Ben is a drug addict who has admitted to using recreational drugs such as cocaine, ice, speed and ecstasy regularly since his late teens (basically since his AFL career began), but successfully managed to evade the AFL's strict drug-testing regime.

The documentary was Ben's idea, and he originally intended it to simply document his journey and recovery after being deregistered.  It turned into a much bigger project and was shot over a period of two years.

Here are five of my thoughts after seeing the documentary:

1.  I still find it really hard to see drug addiction solely as an illness which the 'experts' keep claiming it to be.  Like I said in my previous post, Ben made that initial choice to take drugs.  Certainly his addiction has imprisoned and mastered him, but I don't like the way the term 'illness' is used as if to diminish personal responsibility.  It was stated repeatedly that Ben's personality type (very driven) made him prone to drug addiction.  There is probably some truth in that.  It's hard to have compassion when you've been personally affected by another person's addiction.  Imagine if you discovered someone was taking pictures of your child and using them for porn, but denied responsibility because their porn addiction was an illness!  Would your first reaction be sympathy then?  They also kept stating that drug addiction is a health problem and not a criminal one.  It's not a criminal one in Ben's case where, being a filthy rich footballer, he can afford to spend $10,000 on drugs over five days, as he admitted in the documentary.  But for the average addict, it becomes a criminal problem when they have to steal to feed their habit.  Far be it for me to disagree with the 'experts', but they are seeing things purely from a medical and psychological point of view, and not a spiritual one.

2.  I think Ben has a way to go before he takes responsibility for some of the things he has done.  He admitted seeing the enormous toll his addiction has taken on his family, but he still seemed to have the attitude that he is an island and that his actions don't affect anyone else.  He also seems to misunderstand the difference between forgiveness and trust, and this was shown particularly in the way he reacted to the AFL when they demanded a hair sample for testing prior to his return to football.  He can't expect everyone to believe him simply because he says he has kicked his habit.  Trust takes a long time to rebuild. 

3.  I appreciated his honesty, but the way Ben kept smiling irritated me.  I realise it's probably his personality type, in that he doesn't like crying publicly or showing a lot of emotion, and that's totally his right.  But I think a lot of people would have interpreted his continual cheeky grin as a sign that he doesn't really care or has come to terms with his addiction.  I know a few people like Ben.  They'll be talking about something serious or even quite horrible, and be smiling or chuckling the whole time.  I especially get angry when I'm trying to tell THEM something serious and they smirk or laugh.  It just annoys me.

4.  I think much good can be gained from this documentary.  Many are saying that he is just trying to make money, but he seems genuine in that he wants to help others learn from his experience, and that if his story can help keep one person from drugs, then it was worth it.  I think all teenagers and young adults should watch it.  It's no good burying our heads in the sand and pretending drugs don't exist.  I've been offered drugs during my life.  You probably have too.  Kudos to Ben for making the documentary, and I take my hat off to Bryan Cousins, Ben's father.  He is an amazingly strong man who obviously loves his son.

5.  I was quite worried when I heard that he was retiring from football.  Ben admits in the documentary that he needs a strict routine and to keep busy to keep fighting the temptation, and quotes, "Idle hands are the devil's tool."  I hope he manages to find purpose and direction for his life and wish him well in everything.  More than anything, I pray he comes to Christ.

The Pendulum: The Sinful Nature and Personal Responsibility

I've been thinking a lot about this issue over the past week or so, particularly since I watched the Ben Cousins documentary (and I plan to do a post on that next).  After watching the two-part documentary, I started thinking about sin and addiction, and I remembered a sermon on addictions from my old church which I had downloaded early in the year.  It is available here if you're interested.

This is one issue where I sit squarely in the middle.  One of the most helpful points in the sermon was that addiction is a manifestation of sin, however harsh that may sound.  Addictions are part of the reality of our struggle with sin.  Paul says in Romans 7:17-24: As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Paul is not excusing his sin, but pointing out the reality of life as a Christian.  We have the Spirit and the sinful nature warring within us (Galatians 5:17) so we do what we know is wrong and do not do what is right.  In this sense, we have something in common with every addict, even if we do not share the same addiction - we all struggle with sin.  Nobody can stop sinning by willpower or having a foolproof recovery plan.  Paul points out our need for a rescuer in verse 25.  Our situation is hopeless without Jesus.

Yet, while we cannot simply stop sinning for good in this life, nor can we behave like victims, deny personal responsibility and use our addictions and desires as an excuse to hurt people.  This was one of the most helpful points in the sermon.  An addiction might ended up mastering and controlling us, but we made that initial choice to go down that path - to try that drug, to go to that porn site or whatever it is we're doing.  Even though some desires are really powerful, we cannot assume a victim mentality.  We can be out of control, but we also made choices based on our pleasures and desires.  In fact, it is suggested in that sermon that many addictions stem from idolatry - the idol of comfort, of easing pain, of pleasure, of power, image.  Idols promise so much, but turn into ugly masters which enslave us.  It's not wrong to want to stop the pain, for example, but when that becomes our primary aim and causes us to make choices contradictory to following Jesus, then it is sin.

I've heard the issue of sin and responsibility debated in relation to predestination.  How can God choose NOT to predestine and reveal Himself to some people, yet make it impossible for them to stop sinning, and so punish them for their sin?  They can't stop sinning, and God didn't choose them, so God must be unjust.  No, we still make that choice to rebel against our creator.

Can we stop sinning of our own accord?  No.
Are we responsible for our own sin?  Yes.

More of my thoughts on the Ben Cousins documentary next...

Friday Focus - Unexpected Blessings

A few weeks ago I was getting a bit stressed.  I had heaps of assessments for TAFE due soon and I had gotten behind in my schedule.  Although TAFE is nowhere near as stressful as uni, I didn't want to fail the whole semester because I missed deadlines.  I could say it was because of Nan being sick, friends coming to visit, or other commitments, but in reality, it was due to my own poor planning.

So, after thinking I was going to have to pull a few all-nighters (which I have never done) just to get everything finished, I got sick.  It started off as the flu - cough, fevers, body aches and pains, stuffed head and general not-with-it-ness which I thought I had conquered with cold and flu tablets.  But the cough remained and it got progressively worse until I couldn't go for more than two minutes without hacking and wheezing.  By last Thursday I was coughing so much I was struggling to breathe and thought I was going to choke to death (panicking of course only made the cough worse).  By this stage I also had two incredibly red and bloodshot eyes which kept oozing gunk.  For two consecutive mornings, I woke up unable to open my eyes properly.  The gunk had dried, forcing them shut, and I had to stagger to the bathroom, prise them open and clean them.  At the doctor's, he diagnosed me with a chest infection and a contagious eye infection, gave me a bag of drugs and told me to stay home for a few days.

Normally being sick would have been the worst thing that could have happened, but I was still well enough to sit at a computer and work.  I got more done over the last weekend than I have over the past couple of months.  Being sick was an incredible and unexpected blessing from God.  I honestly believe God allowed me to be sick to help me get my assignments done.  He brought good out of my own disorganisation.  What kind of God is this?

As I was marvelling at God's kindness, a thought struck me.  Would I be so thankful if God had allowed me to get gastro instead of a chest infection?  What if I had spent days with my head in the toilet and unable to work at all?  Would I still thank Him then?  The honest answer: probably not.

I was reading Meredith's post about how we are quick to say, "God is good to us," when He answers our prayers the way we want Him to, but we often fail to acknowledge God's goodness ALL of the time - even during testing times.  That was a challenge to me, but I still think don't want to get too politically correct (or biblically correct in this case) and fail to thank God for specific blessings.

In this case, I was blessed with hindsight in that I was able to see how God had used my sickness for good.  But God ALWAYS uses things for the good of those who love Him.  I have to trust that and walk by faith and not by sight.  So if I get gastro (which is going around unfortunately), God is not a meanie; He is using that for my good, which I may not know this side of heaven.  Having said that....God, please DON'T let me get gastro...PLEASE.

To join in Friday Focus and share what God has been teaching you lately, click here.

Bible Verse of the Day

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

Message for the Eagles

Callum Wilson.

Play him!

The forward line looks so much better when he's there.  Less reliance on LeCras and Kennedy which is a good thing.

I like Lynch....he's a cult figure.....but sadly I think he's had his day.

When Duncan and I watched the Eagles cause the mother of all upsets against the Western Bulldogs in Melbourne last year, Wilson was playing.  He played most of the games in the latter part of 2009, and surprise, surprise, that's when the Eagles started improving.

I know he's been injured for part of 2010, but he was also listed as an emergency for weeks before he finally got a few games.

You want a full forward?  He's da man!

P.S.  I think even I would do a better job as your skills coach!

Picture is from http://www.perthnow.com.au/sport/afl/west-coast-finalises-playing-list-ahead-of-afl-draft-period/story-e6frg1xu-1225792914178