I'm bound to be shot down in flames for writing this....but, like the infamous money post from 2008, sometimes you just have to say it or you'll go completely mad (I might already be insane...who knows?!?)Some readers may even be rejoicing, thinking, Oh goody, something controversial.
Please note: I am speaking about relationships between Christians here - not those with people outside the church.
Some people's lives really suck. I can see that. Their suffering is painfully obvious. I can sympathise with them even if I can't empathise. The good thing about churches is, that when you look around, normally they are collectives of really odd sorts of people. People who don't quite fit in elsewhere. People who have been rejected by those outside, but found love, grace and acceptance by those in the church. My mum once came to church with me in Perth and remarked that some of the people there looked really weird. She wasn't meaning that as a compliment, but in a way, she's right. The church ideally should be welcoming those the world rejects and introducing them to Christ's love.
But there comes a time when love is not soft and cuddly. Paul demonstrates this in 1 Corinthians. Sometimes people require 'tough love'. We are called to be gracious, but we are also called to be godly.
My beef is when is there ever a big enough excuse for a Christian to display ungodly behaviour? I can't see one in the Bible. We are called to bear with one another in love and overlook some insults, but I think some people have really misused those verses. Their interpretation of 'love' is that it means saying nothing and just letting a fellow Christian grow in ungodliness, hurt others around them and use any excuse in the book to justify their behaviour. They're depressed, they've got cancer, they've lost their job, their spouse has left them, they had a rough childhood....
There is a huge difference between understanding why people are the way they are, and using that as an excuse.
Yes, I'm writing from personal experience. I've been absolutely crapped on by some people and have had to stand there while they justify their behaviour with a string of excuses. I'm sorry, but it doesn't cut it, especially when I had done nothing wrong except maybe for breathing. When I've tried to do the Matthew 18:15-17 thing, it was very hard to find anyone else in the church to support me. I dislike confrontation and would much rather avoid it if I could, but it wasn't the right thing to do. When I've asked who I thought were godly people in the church for help, I've been told, "I don't want to take sides." or "So-and-so's got depression." It was implied that I should just allow them to treat me like crap because they've got issues going on. But who HASN'T got issues? I honestly think some people don't really believe Christians should be allowed to treat each other badly and take out our problems on others, but they are too cowardly to confront so they do nothing in the name of 'grace'.
How you might confront would depend on where the person is at, but to do nothing is worse. It implies that the church cares more about one difficult person than everyone else or that they care more about surface unity than they do about people's godliness. Why does everyone else deserve to get hurt by this person? Who is looking out for them?
Some people have tried to justify poor treatment of others by saying their behaviour is beyond their control. To be honest, I'd want a psychiatrist to prove that before I believe it. I've also noticed that some people will choose their targets i.e. they won't choose someone sharp or blunt to take their anger out on, they choose someone who they think will just cop it. Then they'll go and blame their behaviour on their period or their hormones or something.
The saddest thing is that some Christians don't really seem to believe people are capable of doing evil simply because we are sinful. You may have read the story about the man who threw his daughter off a bridge in Melbourne. A friend of mine remarked that he must have been mentally ill to do that. Really? So all great sin must be caused by mental illness? That implies that we don't sin unless we're ill. Really?
Everyone could find some kind of issue in their lives which they think is their God-given right to treat people like poo. Then where would we be at? I don't see Paul saying to the Corinthians regarding the man who was sleeping with his stepmother, "Oh you need to show grace. This man's had a tough life." No, Paul showed 'tough love'. He told the church to evict the man, to hand him over to Satan, but with the hope that he might repent and be welcomed back again. I wonder how 'loved' the man felt, but Paul had the man's godliness in mind.
Some Christians need to get serious about showing grace. Others lean too far the other side and need to get serious about godliness.
Sometimes I wish I had some kind of excuse to really let rip at some people. But I don't. People would rebuke me and rightly so.
God wants us to be like Christ. We have been given His Spirit.
What I would like to say to people suffering in any way is this: "I'm really sorry that you're going through that....but I will not be your punching bag."
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