Diary of a Wedding Planning Machine: Piking Hens

Last weekend I was really excited. It was only a week until my kitchen tea and hens night. Now it's only two days away. It's rare for me to get excited these days. Most days I feel like I'm just keeping my head above water but this was a day I was really looking forward to.

My bridesmaids have organised it all and it's a big surprise. I love good surprises. I know the kitchen tea is going to be at my house this Saturday afternoon and then afterwards, we're going out for a night of fun! Even though I don't know what awaits me, I know it's nothing inappropriate. The girls wouldn't do that; I trust them.

In many ways I was looking forward to the hens night more than the wedding.

• It was an event for me that I didn't have to organise. All I have to do is make sure my house is clean and then turn up.
• I get to invite all of the people and of course they're all people I know.
• There won't be a huge crowd of people I don't know.

There will be 173 people (including Duncan and I and the bridal party) at our wedding reception. Most of those people will be there for Duncan. I was looking forward to the hens night because I can finally go to an event without being in 'meet and greet' mode.

My hopes were shattered on Tuesday when Emma told me that only three people were coming to the hens night - and one has since realised she can't come. That's two. Two out of 25 that I invited!

Many people have not RSVPed at all. Those that have, some are going to be away on holidays or at the Jack Johnson concert which they booked months earlier. That's fine, I understand. I wish those people could come and I know they do too. I'm grateful that they cared enough to let me know.

What I am mega cheesed off about is that a lot of people haven't even bothered to reply at all and Emma said that some have told her that they plan to come to the kitchen tea but not the hens night. When I asked some of them about it, they didn't have a reason (such as work or another commitment) - it just sounded like they couldn't be bothered coming. Why I don't know as there will be nothing offensive at the hens night, I'm sure. It's like some people just think they can keep me happy by making an 'appearance' and then they can feel good about themselves.

No, no, no - that's not the point. I would always make the effort for someone's special occasion. Sure, you can't attend EVERY event but I would at least make an effort for important occasions. It seems like many of my friends and family just don't want to bother. I'm obviously not that important to them.

My bridesmaids did not understand why some people want to come to the kitchen tea only, if they don't have anything on that night. They said, "The kitchen tea isn't the main event."

I don't know what they're planning but I know it involves money and that they had to pay a deposit for something. I really don't want them to be out of pocket. It's not like it's really expensive and I don't want people using the "I'm poor" excuse if they're really not poor. I'm not aware that I've invited anyone in dire financial straits and if they are, then I'm sure they could just explain the situation to the bridesmaids and we could work something out. Throughout my life, I've met many young people who are 'conveniently poor'. That is, they don't want to pay for some things and claim they have no money. Then they see a new CD or top they like and suddenly they have money again. Hmmm, convenient that.

I don't care if it sounds selfish but my hens night is about me. It's one night where I get to do what I want. I don't complain about what other people organise for their own special occasions, I just go along with it because it's NOT my event. It's about celebrating with them. Even if what the bridesmaids have organised does not resonate with some people, surely they could make an effort for me, especially if they are not faced with moral compromises.

I was sitting at work yesterday, feeling like an absolute sad sack and trying not to let the tears start flowing. It's like my workmates said, "This generation is the 'me' generation". They don't bother about making an effort for other people unless they're getting something out of it. For them, it's not about how they can help someone celebrate their special day, it's about whether they enjoyed the show. I don't care if that offends people because right now I'm very hurt and I don't know if I'll bother with some people in the future.

One of my friends said about her birthday party a couple of years ago, "I feel like people only came to eat my food and drink my piss," then she hastily added, "not my urine - my alcohol." I know the feeling.

Duncan said myself or the bridesmaids should chase up those who are yet to RSVP (about 11 of them). I said "no". There's no way I'm going to chase people up. If they're so slack, they can miss out. I think Christina has sent a strongly worded email to them anyway. We had to chase people up for the wedding and some didn't even apologise for RSVPing late.

Some people complained they only had a few days to RSVP. I sent out a 'Save the Date' email in February to which some people responded. How much time do people need? We gave people about a month to RSVP for the wedding and some couldn't even do that!

One of my friends recently moved house and didn't get her invitation. THAT'S a legitimate excuse. I think she's coming though. I hope so as I can't wait to see her.

I know I'm not the first person to have a hens night where nearly everyone's bailed. Christina told me about a friend of hers who invited 30 people to her hens night and only seven turned up! Seven out of 30. That's pathetic!

But it's quality not quantity that counts. Thank you to my bridesmaids for organising for whatever it is. I'm sure I'll love it. Thank you to those couple of people who are coming. And thank you to those who can't come but at least have genuine reasons and RSVPed on time. I will miss having you there and wish I could change the date but I can't.

Anyone else had a hens night or know of someone who's had one where this sort of thing has happened?

Anyone want to come on Saturday night? Apparently you need $30 and a desire to have a good time.