I can't put my finger on a specific thing instead I think it's just lots of things that have been building up over time. Most of the time I've been swinging between feeling extremely angry and very downhearted and sad. If you have a smart arse remark or a stupid joke that you think will cheer me up or if you just feel like 'stirring' (I hate that word), I advise you to keep your mouth shut if you want to keep your teeth intact.
Here are a few reasons why I've been feeling so bad.
- Feeling peopled-out. We've had visitors last weekend, will have visitors this weekend and possibly others on the long weekend, then it's church camp and then I'm going to Albany to catch up with a friend that I haven't seen for 12 years. I like visitors but I find I get more and more claustrophobic the more people there are in our little cottage.
- Feeling more exhausted than I have in a long time. I went on a day trip to Perth on the weekend and now realise it was a bad idea. I'm angry with myself for allowing myself to be talked into seeing more people than is humanly possible in a single day and now I feel like I did before the wedding. Exhausted but too tired to sleep (if that makes sense). I'm trying not to go back to the sleeping pills.
- Having a bad time at work, accidentally breaking stupid things. The shop is so crammed with stupid breakable ornaments that staff can't help but break things while cleaning etc. The lady I work with told me she has broken heaps and nearly went broke herself because she had to pay for it all. Yesterday I broke a stupid baby ornament that was worth $50 but thankfully my boss said I didn't have to pay for it. Someone had stacked a pile of things so that when I tried to move one it created a domino effect.
- I'm sick of lopsided friendships. Since moving here, Duncan and I are realising that some people seem to be very lazy in keeping in touch even though we've tried through Facebook, SMS, calling etc and we never get any reply! We've been hearing through the grapevine about events that we'd normally expect to be invited to if I were still in Perth and now that we're not it really hurts. It's like 'out of sight, out of mind' for some people and just because we've moved three hours away, we seemed to have completely dropped off their radar.
- I'm sick of people talking about the election, particularly those who ask my opinion or who I voted for then proceed to lecture me because I didn't vote for who THEY think are the best and I can't get a word in. I'm tired of getting political propaganda in my email and thoroughly fed up with Christians who go and on about the Christian Democratic Party and implying that if I didn't vote for them I must be pro-gay and a lesser caste of Christian.
- I'm fed up to the back teeth with people who deliberately try to stir me and others when I'm angry or upset but would absolutely go psycho if anyone did the same thing to them when they're down. Hypocrites!
Phew! There you have it. I woke up feeling a little cheerier today. Let's hope that today is a better day.
3 comments:
Just some thoughts from a person who is feeling very similar!
I remember I think it was 2 years ago a good friend of mine went through significant change. He got married, moved house, moved church, changed job, lost a loved one, lost contact with many close friends and, in the end, ended up depressed.
Not long after this he discovered that the prevalence of people who go through THIS much change in a short period of time, who end up with depression is staggering.
Now, I'm not saying your depressed (as I am also not saying I am depressed!) but you also could tick MANY of those boxes!
For about the last 2 months I have felt very similar and I was reminded how much has changed in my life in the last 12 months. I can tick everyone of those boxes except 'got married'...and could also tick many more!
My mate rightly told me to be prepared FOR this, it tends to be the 'norm' for people who go through significant change.
What to do about it? I don't know...if you work it out let me know cause i am sick of feeling down also:D
Of course...I could totally be out of the ball park also, but just a thought:)
We moved only 30mins away from people a year ago and it's as though we moved interstate!! It pisses me off too that people don't seem to keep contact. It makes you feel that the friendship only existed because of location.
Anyway, I don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you (both of you) and will be praying for you!!
Thanks Bek. I think it is very poor that people make excuses not to see you in Kwinana.
Middo, I'm sorry you're also feeling like this. At least we understand each other. Moving is always hard, especially leaving behind close friends and discovering that other friends simply can't be bothered. I think this much change is also too hard to prepare for. I prepared myself as much as I could in my head but the reality is a lot different.
I think a lot of people definitely go through periods of time when they're depressed but whether they actually have depression (and require meds) is another question. A few years ago a friend and I were talking about how we'd both been depressed for months in the past but when we talked about this we'd both been fine for ages. I'm actually feeling fine today. Today was good day.
I don't think you're out of your ball park although times like this do get me wondering if I'm out of my tree ;)
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