Two To Tango

I have a bad habit of starting new 'series' on my blog and then neglecting them. Me bad!

Well, here is the next post in my series on Friendships. In the debut post, I wrote about what I see as the differences between close friends, friends and acquaintances and the struggle that many of us experience with making and keeping friends.

The most major obstacle I have encountered in maintaining friendships is realising that it takes two people to make a friendship work and when one neglects the relationship, there is little the other can do apart from confront them. If they are still unwilling to put effort into the friendship, then really the only option is for the friend making all the effort to let the friendship die. This is painful but it is reality. I've experienced it myself and I'm sure most people have too.

Most people don't intentionally neglect to stay in touch with their friends. Often they just get wrapped up their own issues and the busyness of life. I know I always do my best to stay in touch with people and it hurts greatly when they don't return the gesture. Sure they get excited if I ring or email or want to catch up in person but I know deep down that if I didn't make that move, they never would have bothered.

Friendships take effort; they don't just happen. And if you have a valuable friendship don't let busyness, distance or other friends crowd that out. We need to be proactive and make the time. Unfortunately I seem to be meeting more and more people that say they really don't care if they lose touch with people they were once close to; they just seem to want company and don't care who that may be.

You may have heard some people say that friendships are either for a reason, a season or a lifetime. This may be partly true but I think many people use this as an excuse not to stay in touch with people. If their good friend moves away, it's out of sight, out of mind and on to the next friend. A good friend of mine was very upset when she lost touch with another good friend of hers who she used to work with. When her friend moved from Albany to Perth, my friend sought to keep in touch and for a while it worked. But gradually her friend made no effort at all and my friend couldn't get in touch with her. She even invited her to her wedding but didn't hear back and her friend ended up being a no-show. Eventually she heard through the grapevine that her friend had no intention of keeping in touch because, although she once valued their friendship, she saw them as 'friends for a season' and now there was no point in keeping the relationship going. My friend was initially hurt and offended but gradually she got over it and now she has lost touch with this person.

I've faced similar situations and I know how my friend feels but it takes two to tango and if the friendship isn't being reciprocated, it's time to let it go. I don't mean cut them off or be nasty to them but just stop making all the effort. Painful but reality.