I know Duncan and I are definitely NOT the only married couple to have had this experience.
When you're dating, older married couples keep nagging you, asking when you're going to get married. Then after the wedding, they tell you it's all doom and gloom.
You'd think couples further down the marriage journey would offer newlyweds some encouragement....but they often don't. Sometimes when Duncan and I show physical affection in public we get the odd snide remark from people who have been married much longer than us. Stuff like "Get a room" or "Don't you ever stop touching each other?" It's not like we've been overly touchy-feely or anything. I just love my man!
Personally, I think some older couples are jealous of newlyweds. Perhaps they've lost the romance, passion and excitement out of their own marriage so they don't want anyone else to have it either. However, it is pretty discouraging when all you're told is negative stuff.
I know what people mean when they say that relationships change and become more 'comfortable' over the years. We've only been together for two and a half years and married for 16 months but we've started to feel this change. You start to become more comfortable in your own skin around your partner and allow them to see your 'uglier' side, secure in the fact that they love you. You can be yourself and no longer feel the pressure to impress each other like you do when you're dating.
But I don't think this should ever be a licence to just put no effort into the romance side of your relationship. People say that the warm fuzzies die off after a while and maybe they do a bit, but it sounds like they're just letting them die by not putting in as much effort. The whole "Oh Susan knows I love her. I don't need to do anything nice for her," kind of attitude.
I think Bek is right in her post For better or worse about married couples needing to make an effort to keep the 'honeymoon feeling'.
If you're married, then please offer some newlyweds some ENCOURAGEMENT. I was so happy recently when someone told me, "It only gets better." It was so nice to hear something positive for a change!
4 comments:
I was kinda "shocked" on my friends´ wedding, when the pastor spoke of how a marriage isn´t a guarantee that they will make their life together. That it´s always hard work, always a give and take and so on.
There they kneeled, dressed beautifully and instead of speaking of how wonderful it is that they chose each other he went on that path!
I suppose my friends went through this with the pastor before, I had no chance yet to talk to her.
We´re together now for, uh I sound so old, 15 years.
Yes, sometimes I´m jealous when I see people who are newly in love, but I am also joyful for them! I know though those who begrudge those couples (and I feel sorry for them, how bad did they make their relationship?!)
It is work, but then life is always work, always development. Awareness is what I think is useful. A serious talk from time to time and in our case a room for each - boy, sometimes I still feel like a student at uni :-)
The tips Bek gives are good! Guess we should go for the regular date-thing, too.
I'll do another post in this series about 'date nights' :)
:)
Marriage has got better and better for me and my wife.
we have been married 15 years, and I am still finding out more about her...and that journey will continue. It is hard work at times...as anything worth holding onto is.
Physical affection in public? of course!
we hold hands, hug and kiss...etc....
Now we have kids, although we dont show affection primarily for their sake, I think it is important they see a godly model or maritial love.
Some people are negative nannies...ignore them...life is too short for killjoys.
Ah now that's encouraging to hear :)
I'm beginning to realise it's not cool to show romantic affection up here and that includes giving presents. Maybe it's a tough farmer thing, I dunno.
I still get shocked when talking to some women who tell me their husbands never give them anniversary or birthday presents and then they quickly follow this up with, "I don't care about presents anyway." Hmmm I wonder if that's true or if they've just accepted that they're never going to get one.
I've told Duncan he's NEVER allowed to become like one of those men! ;)
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