Lesson 12 from Sarah's School of Dating

Christmas is coming, but, for some single people, it is not a time of sharing and caring. Christmas can often be an intense time of loneliness.

Matchmaking is a word that often doesn’t go down well with single people. It is almost ranked as lowly as dating agencies or websites. I certainly didn’t want to be the victim of over-eager matchmakers when I was single. I once let a friend match me up with a male friend of hers – with disastrous consequences. I later found out this guy told my friend he thought I was unattractive. Just great for the self-esteem....NOT!

I’ve also noticed that the keen matchmakers are almost always couples; those who are so blissfully happy in their relationships that they cannot bear to see anyone single and possibly lonely. There was no way I considered matchmaking friends when I was single. I was too busy trying to find someone for myself! Often a single person’s worst fear is that all of their single friends will eventually pair off and they’ll be left alone.

Having said all that, I do think there is a role for couples to play in helping their single friends find love. Not the ‘Bob meet Sally’ kind of way with not-so-subtle winks and giggling behind hands, but by creating environments where your different friendship groups get to interact. The downside to planned matchmaking is that there is often disappointment, and sometimes anger, from the matchmaker when their grand plans don’t work out. Maybe the guy they set their hearts on for their friend ends up liking another girl, or both parties end up angry at the matchmaker for causing embarrassment. No, it’s far better to create an environment where people can meet, mix and mingle, rather than try to deliberately set two people up.

So how should couples do this in subtle ways? Well, the Christmas/Boxing Day/New Year period creates endless opportunities for parties, barbecues, and other social occasions. Invite all of your friends and see what happens. Most people do not need blatant matchmaking, just an environment to meet the available fish in the sea, and are big enough and ugly enough to work it out for themselves.

At one wedding we went to this year, we heard how the couple met at a New Year’s Eve barbecue organised by mutual friends. Another couple we know met at a dinner party. Don’t be afraid about your friends from different groups meeting for the first time. Chuck an epic party and see what happens.