This year isn't panning out how I thought it would. That is an understatement to say the least.
Looking back to my 5 Hopes For 2013 I can hardly believe how naive I was. I was so unprepared to have a baby it's not funny. While it's fair to say that no-one can ever be fully prepared for parenthood, I glance backwards over my shoulder and wonder how I thought I would ever be happy with 'surviving'. I knew life would change, but I could never fully comprehend or adapt to it.
It's now April and I'm not where I thought I'd be. I thought I'd have found a new rhythm by now. I thought I'd be able to go out and about with Rory without being fraught with anxiety. I never imagined I'd be suffering from depression and in hospital. This was not my plan.
I have to keep reminding myself that although it was not my plan, it is from God's hand. I can't see behind the scenes. I just have to put one foot after the other in faith, even though I cannot see more than a few steps ahead into the fog.