Lesson 11 from Sarah's School of Dating

This question is relevant to both singles and couples.  How should we approach Valentine's Day?  Here are some different approaches I've taken or heard of.

To a single teenage girl, Valentine's Day is an important day on the calendar.  It's the day you hope Mr Crush will finally get up the courage to leave a rose or an anonymous note.  At high school, I used to live in hope than one day my true love would reveal his mutual affection and I'm ashamed to say that I even left my bag lying around, partly unzipped to make it easier for him to drop something in there.  Yes, I know, how sad!  Of course my hope would be shattered only to have it reignite the next time Valentine's Day came about.

A few years ago, as a 21-year-old single, I was invited by a single friend to an 'Anti-Valentine's Day Dinner' she was hosting at her place.  All of the invitees were single people and I think it was meant to be a night devoid of couples talking about houses, kids, weddings and the like.  If it was meant to encourage me as a single, it failed miserably.  I left that dinner MORE discouraged about my singleness.  Rather than ignoring the fact that it was Valentine's Day, I felt the dinner drew attention to the fact that we were all without partners and that we should be feeling resentful about it.

Some people spend what looks like their life savings on schmaltzy presents in a bid to win their sweetheart or affirm their love for their current partner.  Other couples despise the day with a passion, resenting the commercialism and stating firmly, "I don't need to celebrate Valentine's Day to show that I love my partner."

Personally I think all of the above approaches are wrong and here's why:

• Valentine's Day is not the be-all and end-all of life.  If you don't get a Valentine, don't take it to heart (try telling that to a teenage girl though).  The love of your life may appear on one of the other 364 days of the year.
• If you're single, don't retreat into a anti-Valentine's singles' subculture.  Not all couples get lovey-dovey on Valentine's Day.  In fact, many do nothing.  Being anti-Valentine's not only draws attention to the fact that it's Valentine's Day but can also be very discouraging to singles by reinforcing that they're SINGLE.  I found when I was single that only hanging out with singles did not solve the difficulties of singleness because they constantly kept complaining about their marital status.  I know singleness can be difficult, but I get darn sick of singles trying to ruin my happiness by constantly complaining about 'smug marrieds' and not inviting couples to things.
• Presents are good, but people give and receive love in different ways.  Don't get sucked in by the lie that your love is measured by how much you spend.  And besides, who wants to get a teddy with a love heart on it EVERY year!
• While it's good not to be seduced by the commercialism surrounding the day, don't let your relationship go stale because of a lack of romance.  I've heard so many people say, "It's all bunch of crap.  Sally knows I love her.  I don't need to get her anything.  People should love their partners every other day, not just on Valentine's Day."  Yes, that's very true.  People SHOULD do nice things for their significant other on other days of the year.  But DO THEY?  Really?  Sometimes people just say that as an excuse to be complacent and not putting enough effort into their relationship.

In regards to Valentine's Day, I am a big fan of the saying, "Redeem the day."  I've heard it mentioned a lot in relation to Christmas.  So many Christians complain about the commercialism of Christmas so they think boycotting it is the best option.  I say no, redeem the day.  Bring back its original meaning.  Valentine's Day is meant to be about showing your love for the one you love.  So show your love.  Yes, do it on all 365 days of the year but, in our busy world we often get lazy and forgetful.  Use Valentine's Day as a reminder to show your special someone how much they mean to you and it doesn't have to be expensive.  Do something that's special for both of you.  If you're single, rejoice in the love that God has for you which is more powerful than any human love.  Not in a cheesy 'Jesus is my boyfriend' way, but celebrate the love that Christ has for his bride, the church.

Do you celebrate Valentine's Day?  What sort of things do you like to do to show your partner you love them?

Love Song For No-one by John Mayer

With Valentine's Day approaching, I thought I'd reflect on some lyrics that so perfectly capture the agony I often felt while I was single.  Who is the 'one'?  Could it be them?  Or them?  Have I missed my chance and let the love of my life walk on by?

Staying home alone on a Friday,
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love,
Or lack thereof,
After all the crushes are faded.
And all my wishful thinking was wrong,
I'm jaded,
I hate it.

I'm tired of being alone,
So hurry up and get here.
So tired of being alone,
So hurry up and get here,
Get here.

Searching all my days just to find you,
I'm not sure who I'm looking for.
I'll know it,
When I see you.
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom,
Staying up all night just to write,
A love song for no-one.

I could have met you in a sandbox,
I could have passed you on the sidewalk,
Could I have missed my chance,
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way.

You'll be so good,
You'll be so good for me.

Excellent Esperance Expedition

After we spent a few days in Albany over the Christmas/Boxing Day period, we headed to Esperance for six nights of camping in our tent.  Since we had only used our tent once before since receiving it as a present, we were very much looking forward to this.  Unfortunately the day after we arrived was 45 degrees and, with only a tent for shelter, we were more than a tad uncomfortable.  We spent that day moving from place to place in a desperate attempt to get cool.  After an early morning trip to the beautiful Twilight Beach, we went to the airconditioned comfort of the shopping centre and spent most of the afternoon jumping in the pool at the caravan park we were staying at and sitting inside a shade house.  Finally, we went to see Sherlock Holmes at the cinema just to spend a few hours in airconditioning.  The night was horrible.  We lay awake in our tent, drenched in sweat, praying that the seabreeze would relieve us which it did....finally....at around midnight!

The other downside was I developed a nasty rash which spread across my chest.  It was angry, red and lumpy...and highly embarrassing so that I had to wear high-necked shirts just to hide it.  It finally subsided after days of taking antihistamine tablets and using hydrocortisone cream.  I have no idea what caused it, but the chemist suggested it was a reaction to sunscreen!

Fortunately the rest of our stay was very enjoyable.  It was Duncan's first visit to Esperance and my second having previously gone on a family holiday there in 2000 while I was in the middle of Year 12.  I'd fallen in love with Esperance on that first trip and after nine and a half years, I finally went back there.  The beaches and coastline are exquisite.  Our good friends, Sarah and Craig were holidaying there for part of the time we were so it was great catching up with them and doing things together.

If you ever do get the chance to go to Esperance, I highly recommend visiting Mermaid Leather.  It's a factory where they make leather products out of fish and shark skins...handbags, shoes, pens, jewellery - you name it!  You'll be amazed at what fish skins are useful for.

Sea lion

Hello there!

Craig and Sarah

Us on the jetty.

Lovely coastline

Beautiful Twlight Beach

The sexy man!

Lucky Bay in Cape Le Grand National Park where Sarah and Craig were camping.

The man going for a dip at Hellfire Bay.

Frenchman's Peak

Le Grand Beach

Thistle Cove I think

Our dwelling for the week.

Hmm I didn't know he'd taken this photo until I saw it on the camera.

Back at Twilight again.  Love it here!

Don't you dare take my picture!

Clearly he is meant to own this shop.

The Pendulum: Predestination and Free Will

This is one issue where I sit squarely in the middle.

If I'm correct, it's Calvinism which states that God predestines and saves (ie. he chose those who would be his people before the beginning of time and graciously enables them to respond to the gospel). Therefore, following Jesus is entirely his work. He chose you, you didn't choose him. God chooses whom he has mercy and compassion on and following him depends not on human effort, but on God's mercy. Passages such as Ephesians 1:4-12, Romans 8:28-30, Romans 9:14-18 and Acts 13:48 support this.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. - Ephesians 1:4-12

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. - Romans 8:28-30

What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. - Romans 9:14-18

When the Gentiles heard this, they were glad and honoured the word of the Lord; and all who were appointed for eternal life believed. - Acts 13:48

Arminianism on the other hand believe that man has free will and can choose whether to follow God or not. Yes, God 'draws' a person to himself, but they can still choose to turn their backs on him. God takes the initiative, but man must respond. There are many verses which are clear that man has free will. We are not puppets. We can resist God if we want to. The Bible is full of warnings for believers not to fall away. We can choose to disobey and stop trusting Jesus for salvation.

And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book. - Revelation 22:19

Also, Jesus himself commands mankind to respond to him, showing we can either accept or reject Christ.

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. - Romans 10:9

..."Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved - you and your household." - Acts 16:31

There are heaps of other verses along these lines. I'm happy for someone to offer better definitions by the way.

I believe predestination and free will go hand in hand and although it seems like they contradict each other, the Bible affirms both truths. The problems lies where the pendulum swings to far to either side.

The problem with only believing in predestination:

• The 'once saved, always saved' stance where some believers treat Jesus as a kind of heavenly insurance policy and that how they live right now doesn't matter.
• A refusal to take responsibility for one's actions, believing God destined it to happen so it must be ok.
• A lack of desire to do evangelism because they believe that all God has appointed for eternal life will come to faith eventually because he has predestined it so we don't have to do anything.
• Believing that God cannot hold anyone to account for he only predestined some people for eternal life. Therefore, those he didn't predestine cannot be held responsible for rebelling against God because they were powerless against not sinning.
  

The problem with only believing in free will:

• We can forget that God enabled us to respond to him by his grace and start thinking we chose him by our own intelligence or wisdom. Therefore, we start thinking we're superior than people who are not followers of Christ.
• We can stop trusting in a sovereign God who has everything under his control and is according to his good purpose and start believing we have more power than we do.

I know it's confusing about how the two go together. It's like prayer. God knows what's going to happen yet somehow prayer changes things. God knows who is going to turn to him yet we are responsible for telling the good news to all who will listen because we don't know who God has predestined. God did not make us to be robots who blindly follow his will; he wants us to willingly live his way, yet we are powerless under the bondage of sin and we need his Spirit dwelling within us. I remember the two years prior to when I became a Christian, and I could feel God 'drawing' me to himself. Yet I kept resisting his call. I fought against it. He knew I would eventually turn to him, but I did feel the tension. I chose to ignore him, yet he knew I wouldn't trust Jesus until October 2001. We are chosen yet we can choose to walk away from Jesus. No-one can come before God and claim to be innocent because God didn't predestine them. We are powerless against sin's bondage yet we willfully choose to sin. We have the choice, yet we cannot choose God unless he chooses us.

There is a t-shirt you can buy which on one side says I chose this t-shirt and other side it says This t-shirt chose me. If I were to buy a shirt, I would buy one that says I chose this t-shirt AND this t-shirt chose me on the front. In my opinion, those who argue either entirely for predestination or entirely free will are foolish. It's both.

I'm a Theoblogian!

Back in 2004, I did an external theology unit called Introduction to the Bible through Moore College in Sydney with some fellow students from the Christian Union at my uni. We studied together and then sat the (optional) exam at the end of the term.

In 2005, when I was working full-time, I decided to do the next unit in the Preliminary Certificate of Theology which was New Testament 1. I hadn't done any units since then.....until now.

At the end of last year, I finally got around to enrolling for the next unit, Old Testament 1. This unit involves studying the pentaceuch (the first five books of the Bible). Despite being a Christian for over eight years now, I've never sat down and read Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy from beginning to end. There's some fascinating and mind-boggling stuff in those books and I'm learning heaps.

So why am I studying towards a theology certificate (which I'll finish in about two decades, I'm sure)? There are several reasons:

• I've said many times on here that God's Word is important, yet I'm a hypocrite because I don't read it enough. I'm not talking about becoming legalistic, I'm talking about developing a real love for God through what he has revealed through the Scriptures. I want to be captivated, not lukewarm.
• I don't want head knowledge; I want real life changes to occur. I want what I'm learning to impact my life. Otherwise I'm just puffing myself up.
• I want to share what I'm learning with others by either inspiring them to do more study themselves or to help them read and understand the Bible better. I don't consider myself a great teacher or a great leader, but I'm opening myself up to God and saying, "Use me..."
• Certain conversations have made me more wary about the number of false teachers within the church. I don't want to be tossed about like a wave by whatever teaching I hear. I want to stand firm in the truth of the gospel.

If you want to go to Bible college in some way, but don't want to do a full-on degree, then I highly recommend doing some external studies through Moore. You can study at home at your own pace, but they also offer online support where you can interact with other external students via online forums. If the word 'theology' makes you freak out, it need not. Anyone can study these units; they are not for academics, they are for the average joe. Let me encourage you to give one a go. Visit the external studies website for more information.
Maybe I'll be able to answer my own questions on Calling All Theoblogians soon......or maybe not, that's what I need you all for. :)

Bible Verse of the Day

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.
2 Timothy 3:16

Christmas and Boxing Day

Each Christmas we alternate between our two families. 2007 (when we were engaged) was our first Christmas together and we spent it in Albany with my family. In 2008, we spent our first Christmas as a married couple with Duncan's family in Dunsborough. For 2009 we were back in Albany.

As nice as it is having a family-in-law, 2008 was strange because it was my first Christmas without my family and I'm sure 2007 was just as strange for Duncan. Last year, he was much more familiar with how my family celebrates from having present opening together to wearing a silly hat at lunchtime.

Boxing Day was spent out at Frenchman Bay, one of my favourite spots. Emma and Peter joined us as did a few other friends briefly and we spent the day picnicking, swimming, walking along the beach and having a nice long chat in between swatting the many unwelcome march flies.

Emma and Peter are going to be parents in July. So so EXCITING!