This is what happens when your child's teacher asks the class to draw a picture of something beginning with F.
Brought to you courtesy of Master Rory.
Showing posts with label Friday Funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friday Funnies. Show all posts
Friday, June 15, 2018
Friday Funny
It's a homegrown Friday Funny this time....
This is what happens when your child's teacher asks the class to draw a picture of something beginning with F.
Brought to you courtesy of Master Rory.
This is what happens when your child's teacher asks the class to draw a picture of something beginning with F.
Brought to you courtesy of Master Rory.
Friday, April 06, 2018
Friday, February 09, 2018
Friday, October 13, 2017
Friday Funny
After this week, I need a Friday Funny...
STRANGE THINGS
1. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, or it will digest itself.
2. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
4. During the chariot scene in Ben Hur, a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Charlton Heston's wearing a watch).
5. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
6. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death (who was the sadist who discovered this?).
7. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
8. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
9. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space, because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
STRANGE THINGS
1. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, or it will digest itself.
2. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
4. During the chariot scene in Ben Hur, a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Charlton Heston's wearing a watch).
5. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
6. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death (who was the sadist who discovered this?).
7. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
8. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
9. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space, because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
Friday, August 18, 2017
Friday, June 16, 2017
Friday Funny
1. Two blondes walk into a building...you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message: If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.
3. A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only cling wrap for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor said, "I'll give you some cream to put on that."
6. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving the other day. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine'. So, that was nice.
7. A man walked into the doctor's. He said, "I've hurt my arm in several places.
The doctor said, "Well, don't go there anymore."
2. Phone answering machine message: If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.
3. A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only cling wrap for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor said, "I'll give you some cream to put on that."
6. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving the other day. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine'. So, that was nice.
7. A man walked into the doctor's. He said, "I've hurt my arm in several places.
The doctor said, "Well, don't go there anymore."
Friday, April 28, 2017
Friday, March 10, 2017
Friday Funny
I thought these were appropriate with the WA State Election tomorrow:
POLITICS
A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.
- Texas Guinan, 19th century American businessman
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
- Charles de Gaulle, French general and politician
We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.
- Aesop, Greek slave and fable author
When I was a boy, I was told that anyone could become PM; I'm beginning to believe it.
- Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'bloodsucking parasites'.
- Unknown
POLITICS
A politician is a fellow who will lay down YOUR life for his country.
- Texas Guinan, 19th century American businessman
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
- Charles de Gaulle, French general and politician
We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.
- Aesop, Greek slave and fable author
When I was a boy, I was told that anyone could become PM; I'm beginning to believe it.
- Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'bloodsucking parasites'.
- Unknown
Friday, December 02, 2016
Friday Funny
A NUN GRADING PAPERS
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk, grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure?
The following 25 statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.
1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk, grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure?
The following 25 statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.
1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Friday, October 07, 2016
Friday, June 17, 2016
Friday, May 13, 2016
Friday Funny
Just to make it clear...this is from a forwarded email, it is not me!
TERRORISM HIGH ALERT CAUSING ME PROBLEMS
When I was at the checkout and ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should position my credit card.
Understandably, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
TERRORISM HIGH ALERT CAUSING ME PROBLEMS
When I was at the checkout and ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should position my credit card.
Understandably, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
Friday, April 01, 2016
Friday Funny
It is April Fool's Day after all....
An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey, and the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, the old man is walking, the boy is riding."
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
So they decided they'd both walk.
Soon they passed some more people who remarked, "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride."
So they both decided to ride the donkey.
They passed some people who shamed them by saying, "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey."
The boy and the man figured they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, the donkey fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.
An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey, and the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, the old man is walking, the boy is riding."
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
So they decided they'd both walk.
Soon they passed some more people who remarked, "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride."
So they both decided to ride the donkey.
They passed some people who shamed them by saying, "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey."
The boy and the man figured they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, the donkey fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.
Friday, March 04, 2016
Friday Funny
PARAPRISDOKIANS
A paraprisdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprisdokian.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
3. Evening news is where they begin with, "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
4. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
5. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'Doctor'.
6. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
7. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
8. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
9. Where there's a will, there's relatives.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Friday Funny
I saw this on Facebook and couldn't resist sharing hehe....
An illness that causes the male to be helpless and sicker than any other family member. In females: a cold.
Friday, January 01, 2016
Friday, December 18, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
Friday Funny
A YORKSHIRE TREAT
A Yorkshireman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.
"Did you smell that food?" the wife asked. "Wonderful."
Being a kindhearted Yorkshireman, he thought, What the heck, I'll treat her.
So they walked past it again.
A Yorkshireman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.
"Did you smell that food?" the wife asked. "Wonderful."
Being a kindhearted Yorkshireman, he thought, What the heck, I'll treat her.
So they walked past it again.
Friday, August 21, 2015
Friday Funny
This is what a sense of humour looks like:
This will make you smile:
How to deal with a problem neighbour:
Best tattoo ever:
This will make you smile:
How to deal with a problem neighbour:
Best tattoo ever:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)