2017 Hopes: How I Went

Hmmm, I don't think 2017 was very 'successful' by looking at this list:

1. Confront (and hopefully conquer) some long-held fears and phobias.  More to come in another post.
This mainly revolved around riding my new bike.  Unfortunately it didn't happen.  This year...

2.  Submit my novel to more publishers.
I entered it into the Dorothy Hewett Award For An Unpublished Manuscript run by UWA Publishing, but didn't get anywhere.

3.  Try to have regular quiet times.  I don't want to set the bar too high (it's hard to go from pretty much nothing/sporadic times to daily, so I'm aiming for 2-3 times per week, then build up).
 Nope! I really only read my Bible the night before Bible study each week in order to prepare. I have such a hunger for God's Word, but somehow I just can't sit down and read it.

4.  Continue to sell baby stuff and other items to raise money for Christian ministries.
I donated some stuff to our church's biannual mission stall.  I did sell some stuff, but keep forgetting to actually give the money to ministries! One thing I did last year was save all of the $5 notes I could and put them in a container.  I counted 20 notes the other day....that's $100 for Pregnancy Problem House. This year, I want to save $10 notes and pray about which person/organisation God would have me give the money to.

5.  Adjust my weekly routine now that I'll be a kindy mum, which will include taking Flynn to playgroup on either Tuesdays or Thursdays, while Rory is at kindy.
This was one thing I had some success with.  Flynn and I became regulars at playgroup on Thursdays by the middle of the year.

Stay tuned for my 2018 hopes.

2016 Hopes: How I Went

Well....2016 wasn't a very productive year AT ALL!

1.  RECOVER!  I have a myriad of appointments to arrange and attend this year to aid my recovery - physiotherapy, chiropractic, counselling, hospital follow-ups, blood tests.  It's doing my head in already.
I don't think I recovered much at all.  There were so many moments during 2016 where I should have returned to hospital.  I enjoyed counselling (I found a Christian counsellor in Perth that did appointments via Skype), but I'm not sure it's really had much of an impact.  I guess it's just an ongoing and LONG process.  I had physio regularly, but will need surgery to repair my abdominal diastasis. 

2.  Send my book to more literary agents and publishers.
I got my submission to Fremantle Press ready with just weeks remaining in 2016.  Now, I just actually have to print and post the thing.

3.  Have regular quiet times.  We're only 15 days into the new year and I feel like I'm failing already.  But maybe if I was succeeding I'd be tempted to become proud.  Thank the Lord it's all about His grace.
My friend Amanda sent me a devotional for my birthday, which I found very helpful.  If I wasn't part of a KYB Bible study, which required weekly preparation, I think I would have sadly neglected my Bible altogether.  I think it shows where my heart is, that I don't see reading God's Word and praying enough of a priority.  It's the being still part that I find hard, just enjoying God's presence without thinking about the next thing on my to-do list.

4.  Declutter and sell things to raise money for missions or whoever the Lord places across my path in need of money.  As soon as Flynn outgrows the baby stuff, IT'S OUTTA HERE.
I've sold a fair bit of the baby stuff so far and donated some to our biannual church missions stall.  It breaks my heart to know there will be no more bubbas for us, so I try to list the stuff for sale quickly, so I don't think about it too much.

5.  Read and comment on other blogs more.  I failed dismally at this last year as I was too preoccupied in keeping my own blog afloat. 
Sorry, I don't think I did very well at this at all.

Oh well, onwards and upwards....
Stay tuned for my 2017 hopes.

Please Vote For Flynn

I'm so desperate to raise the money I need for my surgery, that I'm exploiting the bubba for financial gain.

I've entered him in the Weet-Bix Messy Kids Search 2016.  First prize is $10,000. It's about time he paid for all of his nappies haha.

But, seriously, please vote for him anyway.  He's very cute!

Follow the link (unfortunately only people in Australia can vote).   Voting closes on the 2nd December.

https://www.weetbix.com.au/messy-kids/entry/f6ad9e2c730452de1cdbc3a35b84f0a2

Tummy Troubles

Another door that has been slammed shut.....but I will sure not stop fighting to kick it open.

I've mentioned before that I've been diagnosed with abdominal diastasis following Flynn's birth.  The only real fix for this issue is an abdominoplasty, but, thanks to the government, this postpartum condition, which affects many women, is now deemed 'cosmetic' and is no longer covered by Medicare.  Due to this, I cannot claim private health on hospital fees, either.  No coverage at all.  I'd be $15,000 out of pocket. 

Yes, $15,000!

The only people who qualify for Medicare benefits now are those who have lost a massive amount of weight, or if they have an abdominal hernia.  My doctor, the surgeon she referred me to, and my physio all thought there was a high likelihood that I have a hernia, and I was sent for a CT scan at the start of September.  I never thought I'd be praying to have a hernia.

Unfortunately the results said I don't have a hernia, but the area is very close to herniating.  Apparently near enough is not good enough.  When I had the scan done, something didn't feel right.  They didn't get me to lie in the positions that the physio said they would.

So, now after ruling out other options, including cheaper surgery in Thailand, selling our four wheel drive to pay for the surgery, and taking out a loan, I'm going back to my doctor to get a referral for a second opinion.

Yes, I'm desperate.

For the past year, I've been unable to exercise due to the risk of making the muscle separation worse.  I miss tennis.  Another netball team was set up this year and I wish I could play again.  My self-esteem has taken a battering because I still look pregnant.  There's always some insensitive twit who will ask.  I'm still in maternity clothes because nothing else fits.  I still get some pain in my stomach area because both of my bubbas stretched me so much and I carried all out the front. My pelvic floor is weak.

I'm sick of people who say stupid things like, "Your body carried a baby, you should be proud of it," or, "You can't expect to look like a supermodel."  I'm not wanting to look like a supermodel, I just want some of my old life back.  This makes my depression worse.

Stupid government.  Why do they reward people for losing weight by giving them tummy tucks covered by Medicare, but women who've had children are left to suffer?

Could I ask you to please do two things for me?

1.  Pray that I will somehow miraculously qualify for Medicare and that I'll be able to get a second opinion.

2.  Sign this petition.

Thank you!

Mind Dump

I need to get some stuff off my chest.  Facebook is not the appropriate place because there is always at least one idiot who will write something patronising, mocking and just plain stupid.  Sorry if you feel as exhausted as I do after reading this.

The past few weeks in particular have been more than a bit stressful:

• The news about Rory's allergies and the need to rehome Ebony has been causing the most mental anguish.  He needs to drink a special dairy-free formula called Elecare, which isn't available locally, so we need to order it.  I ordered it through our local pharmacy but it costs a whopping $50 for a tiny tin which only lasts a few days!  So I looked online and ordered a big box full of it off ebay (even with shipping due to coming from the US it still worked out to be cheaper).
• I have been becoming more and more depressed with the thought of giving Ebony away.  Every day I look at her thinking she isn't going to be my cat for much longer.  It's this state of limbo which is causing me stress.  A few potential new owners who I have chased up turned out not to be interested.  However, I have been in touch with one guy who lives on a farm about an hour from here.  Duncan is taking her to meet him and, if it goes well, she will become his kitty.
• Some of the allergy treatment options we've been exploring are just too expensive and we can't afford it.  We can't afford to go to Melbourne to see the naturopath a friend of ours saw; we will just have to find someone here.  Both Rory and I have had blood tests to see how our levels are in all sorts of things (14-month-old + blood test = more stress).
• I've been frustrated and angry at some people (including family members) who have used the situation to get on their soapbox about how they feel about doctors/naturopaths/allergies/food etc.  They've said stuff like, "Don't let us tell you what to do," then got in a huff when we've made decisions contrary to what they would do.  It's got to the stage where I just can't have open relationships with some people and can't even let them know the little day-to-day things that are happening in our lives because all they want to do is lecture us.
• Health issues are just so confusing!  There are a million voices out there all saying different things.
• Our finances have been a bit dire.  We've limped from payday to payday, and it doesn't help when the payroll lady from the farm sometimes forgets to do the pays!  I told Duncan I think I need to go back to work, but he reckons the stress from working and looking after Rory would not be good for me (and I know he's probably right).  I don't get where our money is going.  I've checked the bank statement and it all seems to go on food and fuel.  We've had to make the hard decision to not have private health insurance (at least not at the same level) because we just can't afford it.  If we have a second child, we'll go public in Albany.  It's disappointing because I'd like to go back to the same obstetrician in Perth again, but there are so many hidden costs when you go private, it will cripple us.  Part of the reason I want to go private again is I'm terrified I'll get PND again and the public system will chuck me out after a couple of days.
• My body has gone haywire since I started giving up breastfeeding.  When I gave up the lunchtime feed after Rory's first birthday, I started gaining weight like never before - all on my stomach!  Even though I made sure I ate healthily and smaller portions, the weight kept stacking on.  By the time I'd finished breastfeeding entirely at the end of February, I looked like I was about 4-5 months pregnant (and a few people were staring at my belly with the 'Is she or isn't she?' look).  I've had fevers and aches associated with my arthritis several times now, I'm tired all the time with very low energy reserves.  When Duncan's home, I sleep for hours during the day which I know is not normal.  I've also had irritable bowel symptoms since I had gastro in October; I can't drink milk anymore.
• I had my first panic attack for a while on Monday.  I think that's a sign that I need to arrest the slide....fast.

That's enough for now.  I need a rest.

Marriage 101: I Want Money

It's strange how something so small in size can cause so many problems!

Duncan and I never really discussed money prior to our wedding.  It was agreed that Duncan would continue working full-time as a farmhand, I would look for part-time work, and we would enjoy being on the same level financially as many of our city friends.  We assumed having a rent-free home would enable us to 'get ahead' and we could be generous without having to worry that having someone over for a meal could send us down the financial gurgler.

A rude shock loomed on the horizon.

While working as a full-time librarian in 2005-06, I enjoyed having the most money I had ever had in my whole life.  Suddenly I could afford gym membership and a decent car....luxuries which had eluded me as a student.  When I went part-time in 2007, things continued to be pretty cruisy until Emma got married and moved out and I was left without a housemate for a month.  Full rent really hurt.  Even when Aimee moved in, my bank account never quite recovered.  While I was by no means being reckless with my money, suddenly I NEEDED pay day more than I'd ever needed it since joining the workforce.  Having a wedding to pay for didn't help, and suddenly I was constantly needing money from Duncan.

The problem was that even after the wedding both of us struggled to see our money as OURS.  We both saw mine as mine and Duncan's as Duncan's.  We still had separate bank accounts and I couldn't find work at first.  I would go into town and do the shopping, pay bills etc and my account would be in the red.  Duncan transferred money from his account to mine but sometimes he would forget.  I told him the whole thing was stupid and that we should just get a joint account. He didn't want to, saying that he had too many direct debits coming out of his account and that changing accounts would be a pain.  After hearing him make a few too many jokes about women and shopping, I didn't believe his excuses.  I assumed he didn't trust me.  This whole saga went on until mid 2009 when we finally got a joint account.

While we've always had to watch our money, it was at the start of this year that we hit financial troubles again.  There were a few weeks between the end of Duncan's last job until he started this one and during that time we lived off his overtime pay from last harvest.  But the move was more costly than we had anticipated.  We had to pay the hire fee for the moving truck, we needed a lot of furniture (our house in Buntine was mostly furnished), and I didn't have a job anymore.  In early February, the lady who pays the wages for the farm forgot to pay everyone.  Duncan's pay ended up being a week late and my stress levels rocketed skyward.  I hadn't planned on rushing to look for a job, but now I was scouring the local paper for employment opportunities.  We ended up selling my car (which we had planned to do for a while) and now just have the one car and used the money to buy a new bed (and put our old bed in the spare room).

We're still finding it hard going at times, but God has never left us hungry.  I have two casual jobs working as an administration officer for two not-for-profit agricultural groups.  However, the work is sporadic and I've been sick three times in two months so I haven't been able to work as much as I would like.  We realise we will never have as much money as some friends of ours who are engineers or doctors.  This does take its toll when we go to Perth and people don't understand how we can't afford to eat out all the time.  It's like they assume we're all on the same financial level....but we're not.  Recently, we heard from some friends of ours that they had decided to go on a spontaneous holiday interstate.  Just because.  If Duncan and I want to go interstate, we have to plan a long way ahead and save, save, save.

Sometimes it's hard not to be resentful, but I know I'm just being greedy.  I don't want Duncan to think he is an inadequate provider for our family.  And I want to be generous, but greed always seems to rear its ugly head.  I don't want people to feel sorry for us or give us money....I just want them to realise that although we are all middle-class, we don't earn the $100-150,000/year they earn...nowhere near it.  Part of me is afraid to have children because we won't be able to afford all the stuff to get set up - cots, prams etc.  But I suppose that people will give us stuff, and there is always Freecycle.

Here are my tips for newlyweds who are facing disagreements about money:

• Have a budget.  We are complete hyprocrites here because we don't have one although we've become pretty good at checking the account balance and saying no to each other when one of us wants something we can't afford.  There are heaps of online budget-making applications.  Just Google it.
• See a financial planner.  Some Christians assume that if you see a financial planner, it means you aren't trusting God with your money.  Bollocks!  One of the ways we can honour God is to use our money wisely and we all need a bit of help sometimes.
• Get a joint bank account.  Not only will you save on bank fees, it speaks volumes to your spouse that you trust them.
• Keep a little bit aside for spending (if possible).  We have friends who are on tight budgets but keep a little bit aside each to spend on what they want (i.e. a new pair of jeans, a movie ticket).  It may help with curbing big impulsive spending.
• Go through your stuff and sell anything you don't want or need.  Don't hoard stuff - be ruthless.  I still de-hoard and sell stuff on ebay even though I've got more room in this house.  Use the money to pay off debt or give to charity.
• Trust God.  It's easy to trust yourself when you're financially secure, but when things are tight you're forced to question who your faith is really in.

Beyond Greed

I've decided that rather than just ranting about money management, I should look into what the Bible actually says about money.  And it says a lot!  Jesus spoke more about money than just about any other topic.

Duncan already had a copy of Beyond Greed by Brian Rosner when we got married so I thought it would be a good place to start. Reasonably short (174 pages) and very readable, the book forces readers to examine the greed we turn a blind eye to.

Although the book is challenging, I felt most of it was just reiterating stuff I already knew: greed is subtle, we cannot serve both God and money, idolatry as the source of greed, learning to be content etc.  I guess the problem is that this is stuff I know in my head, but it often has trouble finding its way to my heart.

One really helpful part of the book is that it really examines a few key money verses from the Bible, including 1 Timothy 6:10.  The author points out that money is NOT evil IN ITSELF, but the love of money is.  But while the book argues that it is wrong to be greedy and focused on material things and find satisfaction in them rather than in God, the godly alternative is not some kind of pious poverty. Christians are to give generously to those in need - not just financially, but through hospitality and sharing possessions.

The book contains many articles which originally appeared in The Briefing, a monthly Christian magazine published by Matthias Media (who also published this book).  They cover topics such as gambling, giving, contentment, and the average Australian lifestyle.  It's great to hear the perspective of many different writers on what is often a difficult and controversial topic to speak openly about.

If you're a practical person, like me, then you'll find the latter chapters to be helpful.  They provide examples of radical generosity, not to guilt-trip us into giving, but to give some ideas for those wanting to impliment change, but struggling to know where to start.  Some of these ideas are:

• Don't buy any CDs for a year (and do not illegally burn CDs.  Obey Christ over what temptations money may offer us).
• Move to a smaller home.
• Set a budget with your spouse starting with a 'lifestyle limit' and give the rest away.
• Put off the kids' private education or scrap it altogether.
• Scrap overseas trips.
• Don't buy any new clothes for a year.
• Walk more and use less petrol.

These ideas can be frightening and challenging, but being a disciple of Christ IS radical and scary.  One of the articles asks the question: How do the lives of Christians look any different from their non-Christian neighbours?  The answer is 'not much'.  We don't want to be different to be weirdos, but we cannot have our cake and eat it too.  We cannot serve both God and money.

This book is definitely worth a read.  My tip is to read it slowly.  Don't rush!  There is a lot to take in, and if you're anything like me, it takes a while to penetrate my thick skull.  Don't skip to the end to read the practical stuff.  The earlier chapters may be what you know already, but we need to allow God to expose what's in our hearts before we can start making changes.

Bible Verse of the Day

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.  Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

1 Timothy 6:10

Friday Focus - Prayers For Rayssa

I've been sponsoring a Brazilian girl named Rayssa through Compassion since mid 2006, so it came as quite a shock a couple of months back when I received a letter from Compassion saying that I would no longer be able to sponsor her anymore.  The letter implied that Compassion Brazil had severed ties with the church which ran the project Rayssa attended, but was rather sketchy with the reasons.  All it said was that Compassion had concerns with the church for a while, and when the church failed to address these concerns, Compassion made the difficult choice to no longer partner with this fellowship.  They said they were worried that my sponsorship money had not been getting to Rayssa, and I wondered whether there was theft and perhaps false teaching happening.

I totally agree with Compassion's decision, but ultimately it is not the dodgy church that suffers, it's the children.  Compassion try and transfer the children to a nearby project, but unfortunately, in this case, there isn't one and so my sponsorship of Rayssa was brought to an end.  I still keep thinking of her, wondering what is going to happen to her now she longer has a sponsor.  Is she going to be ok?  Will she still be able to escape the cycle of poverty?  Will she continue to hear about the love and forgiveness found in Jesus?  Ultimately I know God is a big God, more than capable of looking after His children.  He graciously chose me to help Rayssa, but He doesn't need me.  I'm just saddened by the end of four years of letter-writing and I hope she knows she was as much a blessing to my life as the project monitor said I was to hers.

I remember receiving a letter from Rayssa (well, from the monitor written on her behalf) containing words which have remained with me ever since.  She wrote, Her family praise God for your life.  Wow!  I was floored.  God had used my life and the money He had blessed me with to bring good to someone else.  Money I easily lived without and hadn't even missed.  Yet, it had made all the difference to Rayssa and her family.

I know Jesus has a heart for the poor, but sometimes I don't know where to start.  There is so much poverty and so much suffering, even in our own communities.  I can't save the world, but I chose to try and help one child.  If we all help one child, imagine the difference we could make of bringing compassion in Jesus' name.  If you're lost as to where to start, consider sponsoring a child.  Don't feel pressure, but see it as a chance to show love and share with those in need.

God has shown me what a privilege it is to be able to give to brothers and sisters around the world who could only dream of living the life we lead in Australia.  I'm now sponsoring Wayua from Kenya and am about to write my first letter to her.  But although my sponsorship of Rayssa has ended, it doesn't mean my prayers for her have to.

To join in Friday Focus and share what God has been teaching you lately, click here.

The Acts 2:46 Stall

We have Lions Markets being held up here every few months, and they're a great opportunity to have your own stall and sell your wares, whether it be something you've created or if you just need to de-clutter.

What I've found hard up here is that there are less 'organised' ministries up here, but on the other hand there are plenty of opportunities to be creative in finding a way to love God and your neighbour.  You just need to be on the lookout for them.  So, in the past year or so, I've been finding myself becoming increasingly passionate about selling my possessions with the purpose of raising funds for those in need.  Whether it be a local person in financial need or an organisation that spreads the gospel and does good in the world, this is what my heart is intent on doing.

I had my first attempt at doing this at our local school fete last September where we got rid of a lot of crap out of our little house and all proceeds went to Pregnancy Problem House.  Last month I heard another Lions Market was planned for the end of March, and I invited the ladies at my church to join me in 'de-hoarding'.  Some were VERY enthusiastic and donated heaps of stuff, and came down to the park to help Duncan and I out.  After asking around for a worthwhile cause, the chaplaincy at the local district high school seemed to be a unanimous choice (the chaplain goes to our church, and the church is keen to support him in his work).

We raised just over $230.  Unfortunately the markets were a bit of a fizzer that day.  I was a bit disappointed, and was hoping to raise much more, but still...it is another $230.  I'm keen to do it again sometime.

I was struck while reading Acts about the generosity of the early church towards believers and unbelievers alike.  We were just getting rid of stuff we didn't want, but they were selling property and donating the money.  How cool is that!

Having a stall really is an easy way to raise money.  There are always a plethora of markets, fetes and swap meets about.  Not only that, it is a way of doing good in the community that isn't too scary for shy people.

No act of love is in vain.  I keep having to tell myself that.

Bible Verse of the Day

All the believers were together and had everything in common.  Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.
Acts 2:45-46

Fete

Last month, Duncan and I had a 'trash and treasure' stall at our local fete. Not only did we clean out a lot of junk but I also decided to get out my beads and have a go at making some jewellery to sell. Lately, I've been dreaming of ways to make money for the purpose of furthering God's kingdom. Having a clean out and not being a hoarder of useless crap is a great way to raise some funds for those in need. We decided that all proceeds we made would go to support women and children associated with Pregnancy Problem House and by selling some of our old stuff we made $75.80. Honestly, I couldn't believe some people wanted to buy our junk....but I'm very glad they did. I can't wait for the next fete or market to come along.

Here are some of my attempts at creativity:

Some of our random junk.

Me at our stall.

Why I Can't Stand Generation Y!

Whichever generation you're a part of....you could do worse than have a look at this story that was on 60 Minutes last month. See Part 2 below.

Get On Your Soapbox #9

I've decided my blog has been far too 'light' lately and it's time for a meaty post to stir things up a bit.

Please be warned: these thoughts have been going around in my head since last year and I have quite strong views on the matter. Duncan and I had quite a 'heated' discussion on Saturday about it and I think he's getting sick of me bringing this up and ranting about it all the time. So I've decided to air my thoughts in the blogosphere.

What am I ranting about? A little something unfortunately that a lot of us can't live without. We need it to get by but it can destroy friendships, skew priorities and turn us into liars.

Money!

Let me start with a story......

Earlier this year I was talking to my dad on the phone and he told me that my brother had just had a big fight with his best mate over the phone. My brother, Tim, was living in Albany at the time (he's in Perth now) and his mate was living in Perth. Tim was planning to move to Perth and move in with this mate in a few months. Now his mate was ringing him and whinging that Tim hadn't moved up earlier and that he's decided to move to Bunbury. Tim was mighty annoyed because now he had nowhere to live when he moved to the big smoke.

The reason his mate had decided to move to Bunbury was that he had this idea in his head that it was going to be cheaper to live there than in Perth. Now this mate is the manager of a department store, he earns more than twice as much as I've ever earned...yet he was claiming to be broke and complaining to Tim about it. Tim replied. "It's cos you waste all your money on crap." His friend responded by telling him where to go and then hung up. The fight didn't last long and they are now good mates again.

Reading that story, I wonder how many of you could relate to it, that you've been affected by a friend or relative's poor habits with money and rather than take responsibility for their actions, all they do is lie and complain. Now Tim's not the greatest with money either but it does raise a few questions, particularly for those, like me, who are part of Generation Y.

Why is it that money is such a taboo topic, even among Christians? Why is it that we see people we know developing poor money habits yet we feel like we can't confront them about it? Why is considered 'wrong' to ask people, even those close to us, how much they earn or how much they paid for something? Why do leaders of churches sometimes feel uncomfortable asking their congregation to prayerfully consider their giving? I have no problem telling people my salary and that's certainly not because I have lots of money. I don't! And I certainly wouldn't do it to brag or shout it from the rooftops either. But if someone asks the question then I don't mind giving them the answer.

Okay, I know to a certain extent our spending is a personal thing. But can't you see how dangerous it is if we see it as ENTIRELY personal? I think we need to be inviting others to be accountability partners concerning money. We who are Christian talk about 'speaking into each others lives' but in reality we are so closed off and secretive even from one another that it's ridiculous. A few years ago at church, a friend of mine who had just graduated from uni and started working was being interviewed during a service. During that interview, he invited accountability from the entire church by saying that we were welcome anytime to ask him how he was using his money. I was very impressed. This guy took the responsibility with the money God had given him seriously and he knew that the temptations he would face going from full-time student to full-time worker would be to fritter his money away on crap. I don't know if anyone ever did confront him about his money but I have never forgotten it to this day.

I wonder if any of you are familiar with following scenarios.

• You invite a friend out to dinner (the understanding being that you would pay for your own meals) and they tell you that money is a bit tight this week and they can't make it. You understand of course and either a) offer to pay for their meal or b) agree to postpone the dinner until a later date. Then the very next day, this friend goes on a blinder of a shopping spree and shows you all of their purchases with a gleeful smile - CDs, DVDs, clothes, shoes, makeup, alcohol (okay guys might be different). You know that pay day has not yet come along for this person and ask them how they managed to afford all of this when they were too 'poor' to have dinner with you the previous night? If they didn't want to have dinner, they should have just said so instead of lying about it.
  
• A friend tells you they are very poor and are struggling to pay their rent and bills. Concerned, you immediately offer them some cash which they take and say they will pay you back. The next thing you know, they have been on a shopping spree and are borrowing more money to put on their maxed out credit card. Suddenly you are way down on a list of people they owe money to and whenever they do come into some money they go and spend it on crap again instead of paying people back.

I've mentioned those who are 'conveniently poor' before - those who have money when they see something they like and when it comes to spending money on the 'boring' things like rent, food etc they suddenly don't have any money. I'm tired of living in this generation, a generation that doesn't take responsibility for anything and that doesn't want to commit. No, that new dress will NOT make you happy! Especially since you are going to be sick of it in two months and give it to the op shop. I know people in their 20s and 30s who work in much higher paying jobs than I've ever had and still sponge money off their parents and whoever else and they never learn. I really question how helpful the parents are being by giving them money. These people are never learning to stand on their own two feet and take responsibility for their actions - my brother's mate being one of them.

Now I know some of you are thinking that we shouldn't judge and I do agree. But I think some people go too far to one side and think that NEVER speaking up is being loving. I disagree. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago and he said I should speak the truth in love. I'm still struggling to work out what this means. I know that going to someone and yelling at them rarely works. That just gets people's backs up and they become angry and defensive. But since money is such a difficult topic, even talking to them gently rarely works in my experience. They either still get angry and tell you it's none of your business (even if it's you they've been sponging off and complaining to) or it just goes in one ear and out the other. I've had the following conversation a few times:

Other Person: Look, look what I bought today (shows you a bag full of DVDs, clothes and other junk you know they aren't in need of).
Me: Oh okay, I thought you said you had no money. Have you been paid?
Other Person: No (looks uncomfortable) but don't you reckon this top looks great? I love it.
Me: Yeah it's nice but how did you get the money?
Other Person: It was 50% off, I couldn't pass it up.

A few months later that marvellous, incredible top is at an op shop somewhere.

The main gripe I have is being lied to. There are lots of people I know whose spending habits I think are unwise but they never ever lie and say they have no money when they really do, they still pay all their bills, rent etc, they pay back loans and they even encourage others not to get credit cards. These people probably do have quite a bit of money (well more than me anyway) and can afford to buy things they don't really need. I'm not saying that's right but they do indeed take responsibility for their actions. I was so proud of one of my friends because as soon as she got the money she went and gave it to another friend who she owed money to. So many people would have just gone and wasted it on more crap.

In the first scenario I mentioned about inviting a friend to dinner, the biggest thing that hurts is being lied to and feeling like a friend is taking advantage of you. Money does indeed destroy friendships if you let it. I refuse to lend money most of the time now. There are a few people I wouldn't hesitate with because they have proved themselves trustworthy. However, there are many who aren't and I have learnt my lesson and I'm tired of being taken for a stupid mug. A few years ago, Tim was doing a bridging course to get into uni and was living out of home. He dropped out of his course and didn't bother getting the dole. Then he came to me and asked for $50 because he couldn't afford groceries etc. I felt sorry for him so I was going to give it to him when he mentioned a big shoe sale that he was planning on going to. I quickly put two and two together and he confessed with a sly grin that that was where my $50 would have been heading. He had no need for yet another pair of sneakers. He got no money and no sympathy from me from then on.

I don't want to be a scrooge. I want to be generous and if someone was really in need of cash, I wouldn't hesitate and wouldn't expect them to pay me back. But the compassion I have is for the 'real poor' not the 'conveniently poor'. God has convicted me never to call myself poor because compared to the starving millions with no homes and terrible living conditions, I am indeed rich. Many of us have no business calling ourselves 'poor', we wouldn't know poor if it fell over us. We may have less money than others we know but we are millionnaires compared to much of the world.

Those of you living in Perth may have heard that radio ad where a woman is saying that she and her partner both earn over $100K a year and they still feel financially straightjacketed. What the? I earnt far less than that as a librarian and together Duncan and I don't earn anywhere near that now but we are happy. I've never had a credit card and I hope I never do. I do understand that people need them but then they can also be a trap. Some people get them for 'emergencies' then they gradually become a part of everyday life. Want another pair of jeans that you don't really need? Just whack it on the credit card.

I'm also questioning the benefit of high schoolers having casual jobs after school and weekends. On one hand, it's great because the parents are telling their kids that if they want something they have to earn the money themselves. But here's the problem that I see. The kids become used to spending what they earn on their pleasures - CDs, clothes etc. Then when they become adults and real life comes knocking, they've become so used to having everything they want that they elevate these things above the essentials - rent, food etc.

I'm so glad that my parents didn't give me heaps of money when I was growing up. I only got $2 a week pocket money (which was more than some kids got) and if I wanted something, I had to save week after week. For a lot of things, I had to wait for my birthday or Christmas. I used to seeth with jealousy at the things some kids got given to them but in retrospect I can see my parents were trying to do the right thing. The trouble now is that we're such an instant gratification society. We want everything NOW. Save? No way! Just whip out the credit card. For some people, I can see that their parents aren't much better so they haven't got great role models where money is concerned. After all, how can parents lecture their kids when they waste money left, right and centre and are up to their eyeballs in debt themselves.

On Saturday, Duncan was arguing that some people will never change and I was saying that we need to lovingly confront some people about their actions (lovingly is hard though, especially when we've been hurt). I do agree with him that some people will NEVER change and it's no use going on and on at them but I do think we need to invite accountability into our lives. I would hope someone would confront me if I was wasting money and lying, although it wouldn't feel great at the time. It's too easy for us just to say, "Oh that's just Bob, he's always been like that."

I know this is a controversial topic but I just had to say something as I'm getting sick of it!

Maybe we need to be asking what Jesus says about money? But that's a topic for another post.