The 13th March is Scary

I've noticed a disturbing pattern about the 13th March...it always seems to be a crappy day for me.

13th March 2012
My car broke down in the middle of nowhere and I had to walk 5km to the nearest house, causing me to miss an afternoon of paid work.  Read all about it here.

13th March 2013
It was the day of my first psych appointment to deal with postnatal depression.  My mum and dad were meant to look after Rory for me (who was seven weeks old), but when they arrived, my mum and I got into a huge fight because she didn't like the sleeping bag/swaddle that Rory was wearing.  She ended up storming out and I was left with no babysitter.  Fortunately a lovely lady from my church came to the rescue.  It was just a horrible, horrible day.

13th March 2014

Rory had his skin prick test and we received the devastating news of his food and environmental allergies, and that we would have to rehome my beloved Ebony.  Read all about it here.

13th March 2015
It was stinking hot and my morning sickness was in full swing.  I was so weak and dizzy that I had to ring Duncan to come home for a few hours to look after Rory so I could lie down.  Afterwards I felt a bit better so I got out Rory's paddling pool for him.  He had a splash, then got out of the pool and did diarrhoea on the verandah!

I only noticed this pattern a few weeks ago.  I'm trying not to think about 13th March 2016.  After all, I don't want to will it into being another bad day.

98% Mucking Around, 2% Malicious Intent

Back in the day (i.e. 2003, before the phenomenon called Facebook hit our computer screens), there was a thing called online forums.  As a third year theatre student, I had access to one created especially for theatre students at Curtin to review plays and generally dribble on about nothing.  I never created a username because a lot of the talk was smutty, slanderous and rubbish, but a friend of mine got hooked.  She started to be given a hard time online by some of the guys in our course (basically because they were 'popular' and she wasn't....nothing much changes from high school sometimes).  Then one of the older students, who was also the creator and moderator of the forum, went in to bat for her.  The guys who had been having a go at her were doing it under the guise of humour.  A lot of people thought they were hilarious....except me, my friend....and the moderator.  He was most unimpressed at what he called '98% mucking around, 2% malicious intent'.  It was the 2% that he was concerned about.

Have you ever had someone have a go at you, but acted like they were joking?  Other people who overheard what they said may have thought it was a joke and had a good old chortle, but they didn't really get it.  You got the 'dig' behind the humour.  They may have been insulting you about something in your past, something just between the two of you.

So, why not just come out and insult you?  Why mask it with humour?  Well, it's so they can get away with looking humorous and you still get the point.  If they just came out and said it, everyone would think they were a nasty pastie.  It's their way of putting you in your place without damaging their reputation.

How do you stop people doing it to you?  I've found the best way is (if it's done in person) to confront them.  Say, "What did you mean by that?"  Very rarely will they have the guts to repeat it.  Bullies are cowards after all.

2013: My Unlucky Year?

I'm not superstitious.

I've walked under ladders.  I own a black cat.

But I'm starting to wonder if there really is something unlucky about the number 13.

It was supposed to have been such a great year with Rory's arrival but, honestly, it just hasn't.  It's been awful.  I've spent six weeks of the year in hospital.  My auntie passed away.  Other things have been happening to those I care about which I can't go into on here.

After all the pre-season hype, the Eagles' season has been pretty darn average so far.  That's putting it kindly.

1996, the year I turned 13, was a cruddy year as well.  Am I seeing a pattern here?

I know bringing on 2014 won't make everything smooth sailing, but I've had enough of this year.  Enough! 

Please let the next six months be better than the first.  Please God, have I had my suffering quota for the year yet?

The Scar

I have scars.

I'm not talking about my caesarean scar.

Nor am I talking about the faint scar on my face from when I fell face first onto the bitumen while jumping rope on my third day of Year 7.

Nor do I mean the scar on my leg from when I accidentally walked into the stump of a dead bush while trying to remove it two days prior to Christmas 2011.

I have scars which are not easily visible.

We all do.

The longer we live the more scars we bear.  Scars from conflict, from disappointments, from hardships...from life.

A scar must be allowed to heal properly.  Too often others will be impatient with our scars.  They'll want us to heal quickly and get on with life again.  But a scar cannot close over properly unless what is underneath it has been cleaned.  The muck under it must be removed so that scar can heal and we can move on.

Even if a scar has healed properly, it never fades completely.  It remains a visible reminder of where we've been, and influences our behaviour and choices in the future.

So when you feel like you just don't understand somebody, it may be because of a scar they bear, a scar you can't see unless you dig deeper and get to know them well.

Scars are not bad.  When the wound is fresh, the pain is often unbearable.  But the scar is a reminder of where I've been....and that I have survived.

Window to the Past

I love photographs!

A photograph has been described as a 'window to the past'.  What a fitting description.

I love that anytime I wish to relive good memories, I can simply gaze at a photograph.  Instantly I feel like I've been transported back to that moment, that all the time between then and now never existed.

But sometimes a photograph of a happy memory can trigger sadness.  I am looking back in time.  What I know now affects how I see that captured moment. 

Perhaps this is the same for you.  A photo of happiness, laughter and triumph can cause emotional pain.  A photo of two friends laughing together....years later they had a fight and are no longer friends.  A photo of a couple on their wedding day, deeply in love....years later they divorced.  A photo of your grandmother....she has since passed away.  A photo of a sportsperson on the dais receiving their award...years later they were discovered to be a drug cheat.

The present can sour the past.

Each photograph has a story behind it, for better or for worse.

Take this photo, for instance.  It is my current profile picture on Facebook.  A lot of people 'liked' it.  I was surprised.  Not because I don't like the photo...but if only they knew...

This photo was taken on the 10th March 2007.  Duncan and I had been together for two months, and it was the weekend he met my family for the first time.  It was actually a really nice day together.  What this photo doesn't show was the two months of difficulty we'd been going through prior to this day with experiencing opposition to our relationship (read the story here).  I nearly broke up with Duncan the day after this picture was taken because I was so stressed and confused.  This photo shows me enjoying a milkshake.  I'm surprised two months of stress doesn't show on my face.

A photograph tells a story, but not always the full story.  Although the past may hold fond memories, as time goes by those memories can be tarnished.

I will always love photographs.  I have many I treasure.  I will continue to take photos and I will encourage others to do the same.  Even if all they do is sit in an album, it is still lovely to have them there.

Many of my photos hold such good memories.  I hope and pray that will continue to be so.

Brain to Mouth Filter

Some people need one....badly.  Make that a brain to fingers filter if they're on Facebook.

I've decided it's better to say nothing than to say something stupid while in a conversation with someone.

Watch this clip!  The robot voices are hilarious!

via Daja in her post How To Be Obnoxious.

How To Make Me Happy....

Tell me the news that the power has come back on after nearly four days. :)

Or...

Buy me a mocha.

Geography Lesson

According to my stats I have readers from all over the world.  I suspect most blogs do.  This does create some dilemmas when it comes to describing Australian places.  If I write as though everyone is from Western Australia it's bound to create some confusion.  If I write as though everyone is from interstate/overseas then WA readers will be going Yeah, yeah...we know that.

So, I've decided to give those interstate and overseas readers a geography lesson.  Please don't see this as patronising.  I really have no idea about towns in different states.

Here's a map I created of WA places I've mentioned before on this blog.  Some of them I've lived in and others I've visited.  Click on the blue placemarks to read a bit about why I have marked that particular place.  To see the whole map, click the view WA Geography Lesson in a larger map link.

Hopefully when I start name-dropping places again, it might make a bit more sense.


View WA Geography Lesson in a larger map

Lesson Learned in 2011

Do not buy cheap underwear.

That is all.

How To Rid The World Of Nagging

If everyone did what they were asked the first time, nagging would not exist.

That is all.

How To Deal With Difficult People Without Getting Upset

This is a CD by Rachel Green, an award-winning communication specialist and emotional intelligence coach.  With a title like that, it's no wonder it grabbed my attention at the local library earlier this year.

I met Rachel in 2007 when she came to Curtin to help the library staff revamp our lesson plans and sharpen our teaching skills.  If you ever want to be torn down in a nice way and then built up again, Rachel is the woman to do it.  She is an incredibly dynamic presenter, humorous, frank and very warm and genuine.

How To Deal With Difficult People Without Getting Upset was recorded at a seminar Rachel did with a group of school administration staff.  It is incredibly helpful for those (like me) who are the first port of call for customers and clients and deal with difficult people outside your workplace on a regular basis.  Even if you don't work in customer service, it is very helpful stuff as many of us are prone to taking others' aggressive behaviour personally.

My question before listening to this CD was how are you NOT meant to take someone abusing you personally?  How are you not meant to take snide put-downs personally?  Even if you know that person is in a bad mood about something else, it is hard not to come away from conflict situations feeling like crap.

Here are some of the things I learnt from that CD:

Some remarks may have been intended to be personal, but we have a choice how we take them.  If someone says something like, "The trouble with you is you're too sensitive," we often react by being the very thing they accused us of.  Instead of letting that person push your buttons, you could respond by saying something like, "Yes, I am sensitive, and that's what makes me good at my job."

Here are some other examples of not taking things personally:

"What are you, some kind of career woman?"
"Yes and loving it."
"Thanks for the recognition."
"Yes, your job is next."

"I have to tiptoe carefully around you."
"Thanks, I feel so safe when you're around."
"Thank you for noticing and caring."

"Well, you're only the admin officer."
"Yes, I'm the one who makes things run smoothly."
"I run the school.  Don't tell the principal, he thinks he does."
"Thank you for noticing."
"Yes, but I'm all you've got for the moment."
"No, I'm the boss."
"Yes, and I can help you."
"Yes, and I pay your salary."
"I'm glad I was available otherwise you'd be talking to the desk."

These responses were brainstormed by the attendees at the session.  The trick is to respond in a polite and friendly manner - not by trading insult for insult.  Some of the responses are sarcastic, but they can be communicated with a warm tone.

Rachel explores the reasons why we get hurt by some of these statements.  It has to do with our personal history, lack of confidence, stress, feeling inadequate, misunderstanding or guilt.  Often someone will make a statement and we take it a certain way because of a similar incident in the past.  We often automatically believe other people's negative opinions of us.  We forget the 99 positive comments and hang onto the one negative one (definitely an issue for me).  We need to respond to what's happening right now, not to what happened in our history, and ask ourselves why we are reacting this way.

One thing she did touch on a fair bit was the communication issue between men and women using a scenario where a woman buys a new dress and asks her partner what he thinks of it.  He responds with, "It's ok."  So many women would have been hurt by that statement because they want their partner to tell them they look amazing.  It's ok tends to be interpreted by many women as not good enough.  Instead of responding negatively and causing an argument, these were other possible responses that were provided by the participants:

"I'm glad you didn't think I went overboard.  I thought $850 was more than enough for a one-off event."
"I thought you'd like it.  Thank you."
"I love it and I think the colour really suits me."
"Good because it cost you a lot of money."

Apparently when a man says, "It's ok," he means it as a compliment.  And if you think you look gorgeous anyway, why do you need anyone else to tell you?  Sometimes what sound like put-downs to women, are actually meant as compliments between men (is that true blokes?).  Women may need to clarify if it was meant as a put-down or a compliment as apparently some men like to insult women when they really like and respect them.  If someone calls you 'bossy', ask, "Bossy? In what way?" (in a warm and friendly, not an accusing tone).  For some people, 'stubborn' is a compliment because it means they're determined and successful.  To others, it means bossy, selfish and arrogant.  If it really is an insult, respond calmly with something like, "I hadn't realised that.  Thanks for pointing it out."   Thanking an angry person often diffuses their anger.  If it doesn't work, clearly state your boundaries such as, "I'm not able to listen to you when you use language like that."

We need to watch for 'emotional hooks' where we can allow ourselves to be hurt.  Don't depend on another person's reaction for your sense of worth.  Do your best to help a customer within the organisation's policy, but don't judge your own success on someone else's happiness.  There is a difference between listening to valid feedback and relying on others' approval.

If someone makes a nasty remark, slow down your reaction to give yourself thinking time to formulate a nice response.  Ask them, "Could you please repeat that for me?"  Most people will not repeat what they have just said.  Delay your reaction by having a fill-in or set statement to say i.e. "That's an interesting comment," (which generally means that it's not), or, "That's certainly one opinion."  Here are some other possible responses:

"I'm sorry you're not happy.  Is there anything more I can do to help?"
"I'm sure your opinion is important to you."
"I'm a little hard of hearing.  Could you please say that again."
"May God bless you."
"Really?"
Tell yourself, "This is going to wash over me like water off a duck's back."

Charm the aggressive person's socks off and don't give them the privilege of getting to you.

What I really liked about this CD is that it doesn't deny that some comments ARE meant to be hurtful...but not all are.  Too many people will tell you that you're imagining it.  That's not always the case.  People ARE mean.

It also differentiates between feelings and reactions.  We cannot always stop feeling angry or hurt, but we can take a moment to choose how we respond.  As a Christian, I want to respond in a godly way and not fight fire with fire (even though it is oh so tempting and I have done it plenty of times in the past).  Do not sin in your anger.

There is so much more that this CD covered which I haven't mentioned, but do listen to it if you're someone (like me) who struggles in this area.  And if you ever get a chance to go to one of Rachel's seminars, do it :)
Image is from http://www.rachelgreen.com/tape_personally.html

Welcome To My Wardrobe

Earlier this year I had a wardrobe cleanout.  Duncan still thinks it was an excuse to buy more clothes.  I have two words to say to that....OP SHOPS! :)

When it comes to clothes, I've always had a certain attraction for the weird and wonderful.  Yep, this post is something a bit different.  You're about to take a whirlwind tour of my wardrobe. :)

I do have a thing for weird skirts!

Bohemian skirt

Hippy skirt

Funky Asian skirts

Random purple skirt

My dad thinks this skirt looks like a towel.

'Whoa you're spinning me out' skirt.

Bright colours for summer

Crazy shirts

You can never have too many faces.

A friend thought this was Michael Jackson (definitely NOT)

 

Tiger....RAH!

Monsters...RAH!

I love t-shirts with witty sayings.  This one says 'I Go Batty At Night'.

I'm Awake...What More Do You Want?

Chocolates...Here Today...Gone Today.  A friend found this shirt for me and reckoned it was highly appropriate.  I think she's right! :)

Oh and have I mentioned how much I love HATS? :)

Despite my semi-unusual taste in clothes, I am very fussy when it comes to others buying me garments.  I have one friend who I trust to buy me clothes and that's it.  Another friend once bought me a top two sizes too big (ummm...hello?)

Big Fish in Small Ponds

When I was at high school in Albany, I grew accustomed to being one of the better English and Drama students.

Boy, did I get a rude awakening when I went to uni.  Suddenly I was surrounded by people who were equally as or more talented than I was.  I struggled with the anonymity of going from a high school of 1,100 and a town of 30,000 to a city of 1.5 million.  It was only by the grace of God that I didn’t throw in the towel.  I stuck at it and I think I improved in my craft.

My brother has two failed attempts to relocate to the big smoke long-term behind him.  His first attempt in 2005 lasted five months.  His second from 2008-2010 was more successful, but ultimately he couldn’t hack being a nobody in the crowds.  He was used to being asked to participate in things and being known to everyone.  In Perth, nobody thought he was any more special than anyone else.  He didn’t like being a small fish in a big pond.

In the last few years, I’ve been wondering why people from Albany, or Dalwallinu, or any town really, consistently complain that where they live is a ‘hole’, ‘boring’ or that they just can’t wait to move away....but they never do.    Surely it makes sense that if you hate where you live that much, the logical answer is to move away.

But I think they never do because they secretly like being ‘somebodies’ in that small town.  They like having friends around them, having everyone know their name, being asked to be involved in different things.  They might live in a hole, but at least it’s familiar and comfortable.

I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with preferring the country over the city, or even living your whole life in one place.  But, personally, I think it would do some people a heck of a lot of good to move away to somewhere where they are not that special and nobody knows them.  Then it might make them realise how difficult it is to be the new kid on the block, and that they need to welcome the stranger.

I Was Just Thinking...

Some people need to be given a big cup of ‘get over it’.

Others have genuine concerns and need tea and sympathy.

The wisdom is knowing the difference….

My Favourite Things

I was tagged by Iris from Double Half or One Ten Without Ham to photograph my favourite things from around my house.  I couldn't work out how to make a collage of photos like she did here, and they aren't very exciting, but here they are nevertheless.

Top to bottom:

1.  Jewellery tree.

2.  Giraffe picture.  I love giraffes.

3.  Ikea lamp.

4.  Bookcase full of books, DVDs and videos.

5.  Fly zapper.  Much appreciated in summer.

6.  Year planner.  Helps us organise our lives.

7.  Kitchen rack thing.  Space savers are always good in a tiny house.

8.  Chocolate fountain.

9.  Slow Cooker.  He is my friend.

10.  Laptop.

11.  Tupperware jar opener.

If you're reading this and have a blog, I tag you.  What are your favourite household things?

The Dictator of Cockburn Central

Is it just me or do these photos at Cockburn Central Station remind you of countries under dictatorships where there is a big photo of the leader on display for all to see.

Creepy!



Is this lady the new dictator of Cockburn Central?

Ayatollah Khomeini, previous dictator of Iran.

Alias

Recently, I read Bek's post Name Calling where she asked about stories of how people got their names and the meanings behind them.

That made me think. Not about my own name but about others I've been given. You see, nobody ever seems to remember my name and I've been called just about every other name under the sun.....but my own. I must be a highly forgettable person!

Here are some of my 'aliases':

First Name:
Sara, Sally, Sandra, Sonya, Samantha, Emma, Rachel, Rebecca, Karen, Rosemary, Claire, Lisa, Jane, Helen.

Maiden Name:
Evans, Edwards, Edmonds, Edmondson, Edmuns, Edmuds, Edments, Ements.

Married Name:
Birt, Burton, Bird, Birch, Bush.

So as you can see, nobody gets any of my names right. It's kinda sad and funny really.

Claire Evans......Lisa Burton....oh well, at least I have lots of ideas for my next fake ID....kidding haha!

Does anyone ever get your name wrong? What 'aliases' have you had?

The Ultimate Weekend Getaway

While some friends were visiting us last year, one of them mentioned that we should start up a bed and breakfast at our place. We just laughed; there was no way that was ever going to become a reality. While we love having friends up to visit, the thought of strangers constantly staying in our little cottage would drive me mental. Not to mention that Brad and Hayley own the house and it would just be wrong for us to make a profit out of a place that they are letting us live in rent-free.

However, just for fun, I have made an ad that we could use if we really were serious about running a B&B. If you would like to visit us for a weekend but haven't got around to it yet, then this may be the temptation you need ;)

Quaint accommodation.

Charming hosts.

Friendly animals.

Beautiful scenery.

Serenity.

Wildlife.

Meet Farmer Brad.

Sheep.

Including randy rams.

Lambs in winter.

Have a ride in the machinery during seeding....

....or harvest.

Go on one of Duncan's 'farm tours' and hear all about the different crops.

Wildflowers in August/September.

Would you like to come up and visit us? You'd be very welcome, just give us a call and we'll arrange a time. Don't forget your flannel shirt and your Rossis and we'll bootscoot the night away ;)