Diary of an Incubator: The Firstborn

Six days 'til our new bubba is due and I'm feeling a bit sad.

It's not because I don't want to welcome a new member of our family.  I can't wait to have newborn snuggles.

It's because my precious time with just my firstborn is coming to an end.  It will no longer be just me and Rory going on adventures together.  My main concerns during this pregnancy have been how he will cope with that.

I'm not regretting giving him a sibling - he will benefit greatly from learning he is NOT the centre of the universe.  I just want to make the most of these remaining days.  Sometimes they have been difficult, but they have been precious.

Diary of an Incubator: Nesting and Resting

Finally...progress in the nesting department.

Rory's new room is pretty much finished and he is now in his big boy bed.

It took me months to clean out what was my study and transform it into a room fit for a Thomas-obsessed two-year-old.  I love opshops and Gumtree for cheap secondhand stuff.

$5 opshop bargain

I'm pleased to report that the little fellow has adapted to the changes very well.

The baby will have Rory's old room.

The nesting has been slower than I'd like due to my frequent need to rest.

The journey this room has taken since we moved in:

When we moved in.

My study.

Rory's room.  We've just got to put up the $5 Thomas curtains
I got from an opshop, too.

Diary of an Incubator: 35 Weeks

The bubba's arrival is so close now.  It's scary and a relief at the same time.

Pelvic pain is now in full swing.

I just need to hang on until 37 weeks, so I don't get flown to Perth (Albany doesn't have the facilities for premature babies).

Diary of an Incubator: 30 Weeks

The latest photo of me and my basketball.

Even the maternity clothes are starting to get too small!

Diary of an Incubator: The Battle Plan

Having had postnatal depression with Rory, there is a 50-70% chance I'll get it again with this baby.

But while I'm at higher risk, my doctor has also told me I'm at lower risk as well, because I'll know the warning signs and where to get help.

I've been encouraged by my doctor and various friends to think about what to do in advance.  I need a 'battle plan', a way to fight PND and put boundaries in place to protect myself.  The sad thing is that family and friends are sometimes the ones I need protecting from.  Not ALL of them - but some don't seem to understand.

Here are some things we've put in place to protect me from pressures and expectations as we adjust to being a family of four:

• Have the baby in Albany.  Part of the reasoning for this was that we know less people down there.  Less people = less visitors at the hospital.  When Rory was finally delivered by emergency c-section, I hadn't slept in 24 hours.  Then I couldn't sleep from the adrenaline high from having just had a baby.  Then it was the calling and texting everybody.  Feeds took an hour and a half.  Then I was hooked up to an electronic pump because my milk didn't come in until Day 5.  Even when Rory was asleep, I couldn't rest because I was either (a) like a cow on a milking machine, (b) in discomfort from my c-section, or (c) dealing with staff coming in all the time, banging doors (I know it's their job, I just wished they'd go away).  With visitors on top of that it was all too much.

• Put on my Facebook status that we are very grateful for people's messages of support etc., but ask them please not to call.  The last thing I want to deal with when I'm too sleep-deprived to construct a sentence properly is people calling to have a chat.  They're welcome to email, but it may take me a fair while to get back to them.

• Step down from the ladies' fellowship deacon position at church (this will happen in August) and the secretary position for our tennis club (I did this in April).  Say no to everything else.  You'd think some people would have more sense than to ask a pregnant lady or new mum to start doing more stuff, but some people are a bit thick it seems.

• Not do anything, go anywhere, see anyone unless I want to.  I don't want to sit inside, feeling trapped inside my own house, but nor do I want to be pressured by other people.  I realise now I have Rory to consider, so we'll probably have to go out a bit otherwise he'll go stir crazy.  However, I did get really cross at Duncan for wanting to go visit his relatives after the baby's born.  "Oh, but Auntie So-and-So will want to see the baby."   I don't give a rat's about what Auntie So-and-So wants.  Some people have not made A SCRAP OF EFFORT to visit us on either farm we've lived on and keep expecting us to go to them.  NO WAY!

•  Say no to visitors, unless they're the helpful, encouraging kind.  I don't want anyone staying with us who thinks they're here for a holiday, or is offended by breastfeeding.

• Get outside for some fresh air, even if it's just to sit on the verandah and watch Rory and the dogs play in the garden.

Last week, a whole range of emotions from when Rory was little came flooding back.
What if my mum goes from being the great help she is now to how she was when Rory was born?
What if I end up surrounded by unhelpful people?
What if I can't juggle spending time with both Rory and the baby?

I was panic-stricken, but then I realised that many of these fears are unfounded and God will be there right with me. 

Diary of an Incubator: 25 Weeks

The breathlessness is definitely getting worse.  Sometimes I feel like I have a rock in my lungs.

Photo taken on the 16th June (I'm 26 weeks now).

Diary of an Incubator: Hindsight and the Fourth Trimester

Now that I'm about to become a mum for the second time, hindsight really is a blessing.

I know a bit more of what to expect, and I know the difficult stuff doesn't last forever.

It will pass.

With Rory, I was so terrified that I had to get him into a routine, otherwise he'd develop 'bad habits'.  I nearly drove myself mad.

I'm not listening to those people or books this time around.

As hard as having a newborn is, I know the bubba needs me.  It's scary coming into a strange new world.

Diary of an Incubator: 20 Weeks

I'm now starting to feel like I did at 30+ weeks with Rory...breathless, uncomfortable at night.  I've had Pregnancy Rhinitis since early on, and it got so bad I was struggling to breathe at night.  To stop the river of gunk coming out of my nose and constant sneezing, my doctor and local pharmacist said I should use a preventative nasal spray.  This bubba sure is hard work to grow.

The bubba is cooking well.

Diary of an Incubator: FAQs the Second Time Around

I answered these questions I was commonly asked during my pregnancy with Rory here.  I've decided to do it again (with a few extras) to see how much has changed the second time around.

Where are you having the baby?
Last time we went to a private hospital in Perth.  It was a pretty good experience, but there are still out-of-pocket expenses when you go private.  We can't afford maternity cover on one wage, so we've made the choice to go public in Albany.  The new Albany hospital wasn't open when Rory was born, but I've since visited a friend and her baby in there and was impressed.  There are all single rooms and it looks very flash.  The only downside is that partners can't stay the night, but my parents live a stone's throw from the hospital, so Duncan and Rory will stay with them.
It's also much easier going to Albany for appointments with my parents there to babysit, instead of going all the way to Perth with a toddler in tow.

Public or private? 
As above.

Are you having a boy or a girl?
My 19 week scan is next week, but, like with Rory, we won't be finding out the sex.  It's really nice having a surprise after all the hard work of giving birth.  Finding out the sex to me is like unwrapping your presents early because you couldn't wait until your birthday.

Are you excited/nervous/*insert some other emotion here*?
Again, all of the above.  The scourge of postnatal depression still lurks in the back of my mind.  The statistics are that if you've had PND previously, there's a 50-70% chance you'll get it again.  But then a lot of women are also fine.  My doctor has tried to reassure me that this time I'll be watched like a hawk, there will be safety nets in place because others are aware of my history, and I know where to go for support.  I've remained on my antidepressants throughout the pregnancy because my doctor has assured me it's safe to do so.  However, towards the end, she's going to reduce the dosage slightly as there is a chance the baby will suffer from withdrawals when he/she is born.
I'm actually a lot more excited about meeting the baby this time around.  I know what it's like now, and I do miss newborn cuddles (an active toddler who is too busy for cuddles is not quite the same).  I feel a lot of love for the bubba already.

Have you had any morning sickness?
Yes, oh yes.  See here.

How are you going with the low starch diet?
I haven't been on that for over a year now, thanks to my Bioflow wristband.

Have you had any strange cravings?
Nope, I'm always very boring in that regard.  No chalk or gravel for me haha.  Like with Rory, I've craved a lot of carbs (pizza and ravioli are favourites at the moment).  I also can't get enough Cookies and Cream icecream.

Do you have a bump?
I've had a bump since I was six weeks, and being summer, there were only so many 'tent dresses' I could find to hide it.  Winter is definitely a lot easier to be hiding pregnancy in the early stages.

Are you wanting a girl?
No, I'm not.  I don't need a 'pigeon pair'.  I love my little fellow and I'd be more than happy with two boys.  For us, it's all about numbers, not gender.  When people tell me they're praying I'll have a girl, I tell them, "Please don't.  Pray that the bubba will be healthy and sleep well.  Thanks."

Is this the last?
We honestly don't know.  A lot hinges on my postnatal health this time around.  If I get PND again, we'll stop with two.

How do you think Rory will go with the baby?
This has been bothering me a bit.  Rory doesn't like babies.  When one crawls up to him, he looks disgusted and whinges at it, likes he wants the bubba to go away.  He much prefers hanging out with big kids, but I've been telling him gently, "The big kids were nice to you when you were a baby, now it's your turn to be kind to small bubbas."  I do worry that he'll be jealous and will hate me because I won't have enough time for him anymore.  I'm a bit sad that my special time with just my firstborn is coming to an end.  But I guess we'll all adjust...eventually.

Diary of an Incubator: 15 Weeks

I'm 15 weeks and already entering whale territory.  Since I was asked if I was pregnant when I was six weeks (how rude!) this is not surprising.

Yes, prepare yourself for the return of the belly photos...haha.

Don't you just love my pjs?  I'm all ready for bed.

Diary of an Incubator: All Revealed

Well, now it’s ‘public knowledge’, I can start filling in the blanks…

This is why we had to cancel our trip to Perth in February.

This is why I couldn’t attend a wedding.

This is why Rory’s tantrums over sleep times have been leaving me more drained than usual.

The morning sickness and fatigue have been a lot worse this time around.  With Rory I could still go to work, put on a smile, and eat a few things.  But this time I spent weeks 6-7 mostly bedridden.  Each time I got up I could barely stay awake for more than an hour before I’d have to go back to bed.  I felt sick pretty much every waking hour.  While I didn’t actually throw up with Rory, this time I’ve vomited a few times.  I couldn’t eat anything except toast, a few dry biscuits and the occasional green apple.  I was so dizzy I couldn’t sit upright for very long.  The tiredness was the worst I’ve ever felt.  The only time I’ve felt that tired was after I’d been pushing for over an hour with Rory, then passed out as I was about to have my c-section.  Then my arthritis started flaring up because I was spending so much time lying down.  The thing with Ankylosing Spondylitis is that you have to keep active.

All of this was coupled with Rory deciding he no longer needed to sleep, day or night, and each bedtime resulted in huge dramas.  Ever since he turned two, it’s like he’s had a surge of energy…and attitude.  I wonder if all of the energy I’ve lost has been transferred to him, if he’s been sucking it out of me like a little leech?

I am so, so grateful for Duncan, who has rushed home at times to help me, for his very understanding boss, for my mum who has come to stay a few times to hold the fort.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very, very happy to be having this baby.  We had hoped to have a second child around now.  I’ve seen the little bubba twice on ultrasounds and have felt such love for him/her.  I think I’m more excited this time around, despite what I went through last time, and even though I have more of an idea what’s in store.

But I also believe in being honest.  There is such pressure to say all the right things because there are others out there who desperately want a child.  Pregnancy really sucks sometimes…especially when you have other children to care for.  If this was my first baby I would just resign from my job early and spend my days at home, resting.  Unfortunately sometimes I just have to soldier on.  I’ve been immensely encouraged by mums who’ve admitted they’ve just let their children watch hours of TV when they weren’t feeling their best, that there’s nothing wrong with putting a DVD on for Rory, do what you have to do.  On the flipside, I’ve had to ignore those from the ‘older generation’ who’ve said, “You shouldn’t let him watch so much TV.”  Well, I don’t see them rushing over to help!  It’s very easy to criticise and throw stones from a distance.

I’m now 14 weeks and although the morning sickness and exhaustion are not as bad, they’re still hanging on.

Please pray they will pass soon.

Bubby at 13 weeks.

Diary of an Incubator: Into the Fold (Sort Of)

One thing I have noticed during this pregnancy is that I have found it easier to talk to other women, and I think they have found it easier to talk to me.  Whereas before I didn't have much in common with some women and the conversation dried up pretty quickly, now we seem to have a bond.  I did try to make an effort with conversations before, but it was hard sometimes.  Now we just talk about the baby.

This is both annoying and a blessing.  Annoying because I would like to be able to talk about different topics with women - not just kids.  I don't want to ever slip into being that woman that just talks about kids non-stop around people who aren't parents.  I like to discuss theology and how to live out the Bible in day-to-day life (not just in parenting).  I like to talk about writing and books and sport...and many other things.  But it's a blessing because at least it feels like the ice has been broken.  Maybe talking about my baby will open doors to other conversation topics down the track.  I really do want to deepen my relationships with other women (particularly at church) and this is a start.  I'm trying to make a conscious effort to remember to steer the conversation away from babies and ask them about their lives as well (and really listen to what they're saying).

In some ways I do really feel like I've been welcomed into the 'motherhood fold'.  I'm no longer just a helpless spectator on the sidelines.  I can participate in conversations.

Sort of.  Only sort of.  I haven't actually done any parenting yet.  My baby is still in utero.  I will always be lagging behind some women I see regularly who are several steps ahead.  While they are discussing schooling, my child will still be learning to speak.  While their kids are at uni, mine will still be choosing high school subjects.  There will always be parts of their conversations where I DO feel like a spectator....and sometimes they like to let me know it.  I was at a friend's baby shower when everyone started discussing birth stories.  Of course I can't participate in them yet, but then someone just HAD to draw attention to the fact that I was the only woman in the room who hadn't given birth.  Some women are just so discouraging!  They always have to focus on the negatives and make motherhood into some kind of scary initiation ceremony.

So that's how I've felt over the past nine months.  Deeply loved, supported and encouraged by some women who never make me feel like a little kid who doesn't know what I'm doing.  Others seem to get their jollies out of trying to make me squirm.  I know which group I'll be leaning towards once the baby arrives.

Diary of an Incubator: How Are You?

This is probably the question I have been asked the most since I have been pregnant.  However, like the standard, How are you? that people ask, I always feel like I have to answer with, "Ok" or, "Fine". 

Here's my summary of the vast array of feelings I've had over the past nine months:

Excited that we are going to meet our baby soon.  That there is a real person in there.  That we get to give them a name.

Curious about what our baby will be like.  Will he/she be placid or outgoing?  Who will he/she look like?  What areas will he/she take after Duncan or me in?

Daunted.  Looking after a small, helpless human being will be a huge challenge.  I worry that I won't have what it takes, that I might get angry and impatient and resent my baby (postnatal depression is in the back of my mind).

Worried that our baby might be the next serial killer (I know that's irrational though, but, hey, Mr and Mrs Hitler might have brushed that thought aside as well).

Annoyed that people feel they have the right to tell us (particularly me) what to do.  I know myself better than they do.  I'm sick of people suggesting we stay in Perth for a while after we leave the hospital.  Being new parents and staying in someone else's house would be AWFUL.  What if the baby was screaming and disturbing them?  We don't have any close family (i.e. parents, grandparents or siblings) in Perth that we could stay with.  Most people have pokey spare rooms where it's a struggle to fit a suitcase in there let alone a baby.  Plus it would be feel like we had to move twice.  We are in the private system and will be staying in hospital for at least five days.  After that, I just want to go HOME where it is peaceful and there is no-one scrutinising me as a new mum.  I vented to a friend the other day and she totally understood (I'm glad there are some understanding people around).

Offended by the STUPID things some people say (especially strangers or people I don't know that well).  For some reason, people have always felt they have the right to come up to me and just say what they think about my appearance.  Grrr no, why don't you Take 5 or just SHUT UP (especially the mums who keep telling me I'm going to have a permanent beer gut/muffin top/spare tyre).

Peaceful, particularly regarding the birth.  I'm tired of people asking me what I'm feeling about the birth.  When I tell them I'm just trusting God and the medical staff they give me this crazed look like I SHOULD be worried.  I don't have a high pain threshold, but I'm glad there are SOME pain relief options available.  I don't see the point in worrying about the birth.  Yes, I'm facing the unknown, but God is with me and that is enough.

Confused.  This flows on from my previous point.  Other people seem to WANT me to worry.  They ask me if I have a plan.  If I say yes, they laugh and say, "Wait until the baby comes along."  If I say no, that we are just going to 'wing it' and trust God, they tell me I need a plan.  Far out.  I thought Christians were supposed to encourage each other to trust God's sovereignty and not worry.

Patronised.  I'm nearly 30 years old, but some people still feel they have the right to treat me like a child (and some of them don't even have kids themselves.  Good grief!).

Self Conscious.  Sometimes my body shape bothers me.  It's hard not to covet the bodies of other women who aren't pregnant.  I didn't think this would bother me (I have to keep telling myself that I'm pregnant, not fat).

Well.  Many days it didn't even feel like I was pregnant.  Sometimes I would even forget momentarily.

Organised.  Well, as best as we can be anyway.  The baby's room is ready, there are meals in the freezer (no takeaway out here and it's a long way to drop a meal off), the house should be clean when we get back (my parents are petsitting and housesitting for us and my mum is the Queen of Clean).

Sick.  I guess it comes with the territory.

Tired.  As above.

Swollen.  My poor feet look like balloons with little piggy toes.

Breathless.  Sometimes it feels like I'm having panic attacks.

Depressed.  Sometimes everything got too much.

Clucky.  Particularly when I started going through the 'nesting' phase and people started giving us cute little clothes for the baby.

Frustrated that I have to rest and can't do as much as I'd like to.

Shocked that people stare so much at me when I go out (particularly young men).  I thought pregnant women were dime a dozen.

Grateful that we are having a baby, and for a caring husband who will be such a good dad.  He has been so gracious, even when I wake him up in the night with my tossing and turning and leg cramps.  Poor Duncan!  He has to deal with me shouting, "My leg, my leg," then he gets out of bed and flexes it for me.

Amazed.  I can see how God uses the discomforts and sleeplessness of pregnancy to help prepare us for when the baby comes.  I've already had to learn to deal with less sleep and broken sleep.  It will be staying awake to feed that will be the next challenge.

Humbled.  I will never look at a pregnant woman and think, It doesn't look so hard ever again!  Pregnancy is an enormous strain on the body.

Defensive against the barrage of 'advice', unhelpful and discouraging people, people who want us to visit them and take the baby to see them.  I'm getting ready to use the word, "No," often.  If people want to see the baby, they can come to us, and I will let them know if it's a bad time.

Eager to introduce the baby to the pets.  I'm looking forward to seeing what Ebony thinks of the strange creature coming to live in her house.

Sad that a chapter of our lives is coming to a close.  It has been an incredible chapter, not always easy, but very enjoyable.  It has been so good being just the two of us.  The night before Duncan took me to Perth, he said, "This is the last night of just the two of us in our house."  I think I will mourn the loss of this stage of life.

Happy that there are only nine days to go, but enjoying making the most of the time I have left to rest, edit my book, read books, and catch up with friends.

Glad to have the opportunity to relive my childhood in some ways.  I'm looking forward to introducing my son or daughter to the books, toys and movies I enjoyed as a child.

Privileged that we get to teach someone about Jesus.

Thankful that no matter what happens, God is there and He is in control.  That doesn't mean that all will go smoothly.  It just means that Duncan and I won't be alone.

Diary of an Incubator: 38 Weeks

This will be the last of the whale photos.

I head to Perth today for my two week 'countdown'.  Duncan is driving me up there, coming with me to our obstetrician appointment today, then heading back on Sunday afternoon for work.  He will join me back in Perth on the 11th and stay with me until the baby arrives.  That's the plan anyway...unless baby has other ideas.

I'm definitely in the achy/uncomfortable/swollen/exhausted/breathless/feeling sick stage now.  The heat is not helping.

I plan to keep blogging while I wait as I SHOULD have internet access, so stick around. :)

A sudden, unexplained absence from the blogosphere could be mean one of two things:

a) I don't have internet access after all.
b) I'm in labour.  Aaaaaagh! ;)

Stay tuned!

Diary of an Incubator: Which Trimester Was The Best?

Most mums I've talked to say they thought the second trimester was the best.

Well, with three weeks to go, I can honestly say there was no 'best trimester' for me.  They've all had their pros and cons.

First Trimester
Pros
I could still wear my normal clothes.
I could still play tennis.
I didn't look pregnant (well, I did start getting a bump quite early but, since it was winter, I could hide it more easily).

Cons
Morning sickness.
Trying to keep the pregnancy a secret until 12 weeks (apart from telling family and a few close friends).  This is hard when you're feeling unwell.  You have to soldier on like everything's normal otherwise some people get suspicious very quickly (especially in the country where some people are OBSESSED with asking you if you're pregnant every five minutes).

Second Trimester
Pros
I wasn't too large so the pregnancy wasn't too much of a strain on my body.  I was still getting a good night's sleep and wasn't in any pain.
I could be open about my pregnancy and people started making concessions for me (i.e. lifting heavy things).
I could feel the baby move.  This was comforting.

Cons
No immune system.  This is not everyone's experience.  The morning sickness ceased after about 13-14 weeks, but I seemed to catch every bug that was going around.  This meant the second trimester was not so enjoyable.
I had to start wearing maternity clothes.  It became more and more of a challenge to get dressed each morning as I'd discover I had outgrown more and more garments.

Third Trimester
Pros
I was forced to rest.  This can be a good thing.
When I ask Duncan for help, he can't accuse me of being lazy haha.
I knew if the baby was born now, he/she would have a high chance of survival.

Cons
Right now I'm struggling to sleep at night - aching legs, sore lower back, frequent toilet excursions, breathlessness, feeling faint etc.  Duncan isn't getting a good night's sleep either because of my constant tossing and turning.
I can't do all the things I want to do because I get tired so easily.
Some people stare at me when I'm out in public.

What were your experiences in each trimester?  Feel free to share.

Diary of an Incubator: Being a Country Woman

Yesterday, Duncan had to rush me down to Albany (one and a half hours away) for an ultrasound.  I've had aching legs for a while, but on Tuesday afternoon, I developed quite agonising pain in my right calf.  I could hardly walk.  Duncan tried to massage it and one spot was particularly sore.  He was concerned so he called the hospital where we plan to have the baby and spoke to a midwife.  She was worried that it might be a blood clot, so the next morning the obstetrician called me and told me he had got me an ultrasound appointment in Albany.  We were hoping to go to either Katanning or Narrogin which were closer, but their sonographers were either on leave or only work certain days.

In the end it all turned out fine.  I don't have a clot, but I do have to spend more time resting with my feet elevated.  This isn't as good as it sounds.  I have to keep fighting the urge to 'nest'.  However, since the pain is horrible, it is a pretty good deterrent.  I have been confined to the couch with my feet propped up on a chair and two cushions for most of today.

During my pregnancy, I have realised two things.  We are blessed to have such a good health care system in Australia, and being a pregnant woman in the country is a lot harder than it would be if I was in the city.

Here are some of the disadvantages of being in the country:

• The lack of maternity services.  Our local hospital has no maternity services and that's pretty normal for country towns.  Country women need to either go to Perth or their nearest regional centre.  Sometimes you can see your local GP for check-ups, but otherwise it means a lot of travelling - particularly if you haven't had an easy pregnancy.
• Distance (which kind of ties in with my last point).  Being on a farm, it can be hard to find someone available (and close by) to help if you need a lift somewhere.  Out here, most women have small kids at home which means they can't always drop everything if you need help.  Mobile reception isn't great which means it can be hard to contact Duncan.  Farms are very busy at certain times of the year which also means it can be hard to get hold of someone.  Country women usually go away to do their 'countdown' about two weeks before their due date in case the baby comes early (or sooner if they have complications).  This can be annoying.  My due date is the 18th January, but I have to go to Perth on the 4th January and stay there.  I really don't want to go.  Perth summers aren't pleasant.  I have to stay with other people which will probably end up being a burden on them and on me.  I deliberately didn't ask to stay with anyone who I suspected might be thinking I'll be their live-in nanny or cook for two weeks (especially since it's school holidays).
• You have to be tough.  I've lost count of the times people have told me to rest.  But sometimes you can't rest.  Things need to be done.  By that, I don't mean that I wish to start crazy projects like DIY house renovations, but I do have to feed myself, my husband, and my animals.  I have to go to town to get my shopping (there's no home delivery for groceries out here and no takeaway).  It's all very well people telling me to sit around with my feet up all day, but unless they're going to move in with me and do heavy lifting etc, they're just empty words.  Neighbours aren't right next-door like they are in suburbia.  There's no public transport or taxis.  You just have to soldier on sometimes.
• Less options for pregnancy exercises.  Last month, Duncan and I did an all-day antenatal class for first-time parents in Perth.  All of the women kept talking about the special pregnancy exercise classes in pilates or water aerobics they were attending.  There's nothing like that out here.  To exercise, I either have to go for a walk or go to the local pool (which is only open for six months of the year because it is outdoors).
• Less birthing options.  If you want a homebirth, it's discouraged out here because of the isolation if something goes wrong.  I don't want a homebirth so it isn't an issue for me, but it might be for some other women.

Despite all of these disadvantages, I am still blessed.  Many country towns don't even have a GP at all.  I take my hat off to women on stations up north, or those who live overseas with less access to quality health care.

Diary of an Incubator: 35 Weeks

I'm definitely in whale territory now!

Diary of an Incubator: Hopes Deferred

Back in March, I wrote a post called The Golden Oldies about how I had (and still have) the desire to visit the elderly in the local nursing home.  I wrote about my situation of feeling like I was alone in wanting to pursue this, and deliberated whether I should just step out boldly and see what happens.  After receiving a number of lovely, encouraging comments, I spoke to a good friend of mine who is a carer in a nursing home.  She echoed what everyone had said on my post about the elderly needing structure, and not to commit to something if I couldn't maintain it.  Duncan encouraged me to wait until I finished my business course at TAFE at the start of June, so that's what I planned to do.

About a month after I wrote that post, I saw an ad from the Red Cross asking for volunteers in nursing homes.  This would involve meeting up with a resident once a week or fortnight and spending some time with them chatting, going for a walk together, having a cup of tea, or playing games....exactly what I had been passionate about doing.  I tore the ad out of the newspaper and planned to give them a call.

Then the pregnancy test came back positive...

This was not a total shock.  We hoped and planned to have children sometime around now.  Yet, because a few of my friends have struggled in this area and I have seen their pain, I had resigned myself to the fact that we may have to wait.  It turned out we didn't have to wait long at all.

By that stage the morning sickness had started.  While I didn't actually throw up, most days I constantly felt like I was on a boat.  Trying to keep the news quiet until we reached 12 weeks was a struggle as I had to pretend everything was ok when I felt so awful.  After the first trimester, I got the flu, gastro, and a cough. 

I decided that now would not be a wise time to start meeting with an elderly person.  The Red Cross programme wanted volunteers to commit to at least a year.  I couldn't do that when I would have a newborn less than a year later.  Also, to expose the elderly to my germs would just be cruel.  Duncan and my carer friend told me I had made the right decision.  They encouraged me that now was not the time of my life to pursue this, but I may have further opportunities down the track.

But when?  Would I have to wait four years until this child goes to kindy?  We might have other children by then.  Would it just be better for me to meet with an elderly person without the distraction of kids?  Or should I just take them with me?  I was very disappointed.  I wanted this baby, but I wanted to meet with someone at the opposite end of life as well.

I had also planned to meet with someone to read the Bible together and was praying for opportunities to pursue this.  This hasn't happened.  I still haven't finished editing my book.  My head space has mostly been taken up with preparing for our new arrival, finishing work etc.  I have felt bad that I haven't been pursuing relationships as much as I would like to.

This pregnancy has been a battle to learn contentment with where God has placed me at the moment. That my plans are not always His plans.  That I need to slow down and trust Him.  Please don't misunderstand this post: I do want and love my baby, and I'm looking forward to meeting him/her, but I'm finding the transition to be more difficult than I expected (and the baby hasn't even arrived yet).

My hopes may have been deferred, but they haven't gone.  I've been shown my weakness and my need to trust my Heavenly Father in all things.  Some women may be super mums, but I'm not.  I know that I don't have a very big life plate.  Right now I feel like He wants me to focus on preparing for parenthood and raising this little person to know and love Him.  While He hasn't given me an elderly person to share the gospel with, He has given me the task of serving my new family and raising them in the Lord.  Slowly I'm learning to be content and give thanks in each and every situation.

Diary of an Incubator: What's in a Name?

With only seven and a half weeks to go, I realised Duncan and I needed to sit down and have a serious discussion about what to name the baby.  We didn't find out the sex at our 20 week scan (much to the astonishment of so many people - it must be a given that everyone finds out these days), so we need to have a list of names for each.

We first discussed baby names waaay before we considered having kids, and we discovered that we didn't agree on anything.  I thought some of the names Duncan suggested were downright bizarre, or sounded like old man names.  He thought names I liked reminded him of people he knew at school who weren't very nice.  Or he'd say, "No, we can't have that name.  My cousin's kid's dog has that name."

It took a while to name Maya and Gypsy because we couldn't agree.  I thought if we were that bad with dogs, what are we going to be like with kids?

This time, we both made a list of names, exchanged lists, and crossed out names that we definitely didn't like.  I felt a bit sad that Duncan was whittling away my reasonable list.  But then I practically massacred his much shorter list haha.  However, I was surprised that we were actually agreeing a lot more.  Our tastes had changed a bit and moved more towards each other.  Some of my suggestions which Duncan had rejected a few years back, he decided he quite liked now.

A few days ago, Duncan had a rare day off work and we sat down and reduced the list even further.  We now have a short list of four girls' names and two boys' names (with middle names to go with each one).  We decided to leave it at that and just wait until we meet the baby.  I've always been sceptical when people say, "Oh I had this name picked out, but then I met the baby and he didn't look like a John; he looked more like a Sam."  I thought, how does a baby look like anything?  He/she just looks like a baby.  When I meet people and they introduce themselves, I don't think, They don't look like a Bob.  They're just Bob.  All Bobs look different anyway.  But at least our child won't go weeks without a name.  If one of us changes our mind, then we have backups.

Choosing a name is fun, but also hard.  You have to make sure it goes with your surname and the middle name, and that it rolls off the tongue.  People have told me they're intrigued at the sort of names I might like.  They've said, 'We're not sure if you'd go for hippie names or normal names."  One person thought I'd be likely to go for weirdo names, and Duncan for Matthew/Mark/Luke/John type names.  Haha if only they knew.  I keep things close to my chest.  I don't want to tell people our list of names and have them try to change our minds.  Plenty of friends and family have chosen names for their kids that I think are hideous, but I keep my mouth shut.  It's none of my business.

Anyway, here's what you can expect when we announce the name:

• NOT something starting with B.  Our surname starts with B.  Some double-barrelled names do sound good, but generally most B names didn't sound great with our surname (which was annoying since I like a lot of boys' names starting with B).
• NOT a weird Biblical name.  I know some Christian couples LOVE these kinds of names because of the meaning.  Why is it that so many Christians seem obsessed with the meaning of a name?  Surely the sound of the name has to be taken into consideration as well - the kid has to live with that name, and I'm sure the school bullies aren't going to ask the meaning of their name when they're picking on them.  I've been told, "You need to pick a name with a good meaning (i.e. God with us, God is our light etc) so you can pray it over the child."  Meh!  As long as the name we choose doesn't mean 'spawn of Satan' or something, I'm not fussed.  Don't expect any Obadiahs in this household.
• NOT something in the Top 10 Most Popular Names.  I'm Sarah.  There was always more than one in my class at school.  Enough said.  Something a little more original would be better.
• NOT a one-syllable name.  Our surname has one syllable.  I think you've got to have a first name that's at least two syllables when you've got a short surname.
• NOT a family name (i.e. naming the child after a relative).  I'm VERY glad that Duncan doesn't come from a family where we're expected to carry on names.  A friend of mine comes from a family where the first male is always called John...her grandfather, father and brother are all called John.  I couldn't stand that.  A child needs to have their own identity.  Nobody should be forced to carry on a tradition, or name their child after a dead relative with a hideous name.  My whole name is family names (Sarah is my great-grandmother).  I think often people name their child after a much-loved relative with an underlying expectation that the child will be like who they're named after.  Those kinds of expectations are unhealthy.  Then, if you do it for one side of the family, the rest of the family expect you to name the next child after them.  We might consider it for middle names, but definitely not for first names.  You might have fond memories of a loved one, but if their name was Gertrude, it might be better NOT to pass that on!

There you go.  When I announce the name in late January, expect the unexpected. :)

How did you go about choosing your children's names?

Is there a story behind why your parents chose your name?

Diary of an Incubator: 30 Weeks

Surely I cannot get any bigger!