Diary of an Incubator: All Revealed

Well, now it’s ‘public knowledge’, I can start filling in the blanks…

This is why we had to cancel our trip to Perth in February.

This is why I couldn’t attend a wedding.

This is why Rory’s tantrums over sleep times have been leaving me more drained than usual.

The morning sickness and fatigue have been a lot worse this time around.  With Rory I could still go to work, put on a smile, and eat a few things.  But this time I spent weeks 6-7 mostly bedridden.  Each time I got up I could barely stay awake for more than an hour before I’d have to go back to bed.  I felt sick pretty much every waking hour.  While I didn’t actually throw up with Rory, this time I’ve vomited a few times.  I couldn’t eat anything except toast, a few dry biscuits and the occasional green apple.  I was so dizzy I couldn’t sit upright for very long.  The tiredness was the worst I’ve ever felt.  The only time I’ve felt that tired was after I’d been pushing for over an hour with Rory, then passed out as I was about to have my c-section.  Then my arthritis started flaring up because I was spending so much time lying down.  The thing with Ankylosing Spondylitis is that you have to keep active.

All of this was coupled with Rory deciding he no longer needed to sleep, day or night, and each bedtime resulted in huge dramas.  Ever since he turned two, it’s like he’s had a surge of energy…and attitude.  I wonder if all of the energy I’ve lost has been transferred to him, if he’s been sucking it out of me like a little leech?

I am so, so grateful for Duncan, who has rushed home at times to help me, for his very understanding boss, for my mum who has come to stay a few times to hold the fort.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very, very happy to be having this baby.  We had hoped to have a second child around now.  I’ve seen the little bubba twice on ultrasounds and have felt such love for him/her.  I think I’m more excited this time around, despite what I went through last time, and even though I have more of an idea what’s in store.

But I also believe in being honest.  There is such pressure to say all the right things because there are others out there who desperately want a child.  Pregnancy really sucks sometimes…especially when you have other children to care for.  If this was my first baby I would just resign from my job early and spend my days at home, resting.  Unfortunately sometimes I just have to soldier on.  I’ve been immensely encouraged by mums who’ve admitted they’ve just let their children watch hours of TV when they weren’t feeling their best, that there’s nothing wrong with putting a DVD on for Rory, do what you have to do.  On the flipside, I’ve had to ignore those from the ‘older generation’ who’ve said, “You shouldn’t let him watch so much TV.”  Well, I don’t see them rushing over to help!  It’s very easy to criticise and throw stones from a distance.

I’m now 14 weeks and although the morning sickness and exhaustion are not as bad, they’re still hanging on.

Please pray they will pass soon.

Bubby at 13 weeks.