Diary of a Wedding Planning Machine: Our Day, Our Way

Okay, this one has been a long time coming.....

When Duncan and I got engaged in July last year, we were warned that people would try to hijack our wedding plans. Many people from our nearest and dearest to mere acquaintances would suddenly think it is their right to dictate what type of ceremony we had, to who we would invite and even the music!

Part of me believed the warnings but another part of me doubted that our supposed loved ones would be that rude. Surely they would encourage and support rather than moan and complain....wouldn't they?

The warnings were accurate. You see, they came from married people who knew what they were talking about. They had been through it and felt the stress themselves.

At times our engagement has felt like a neverending battle to have things done as we liked. The trouble is there's often no way you can politely rebut people's 'suggestions'. They are persistent little whingers, there's no doubt about it.

Here are a list of things I've been advised (told) I need to do/have:

• 'Music for single people'. Yes, one particular single friend initially took objection to the fact that Duncan and I would have our first dance and then invite everyone up for a few slow songs. Apparently this is offensive to singles because they have no-one to dance with. For heaven's sake, I know a lot of my single friends will just grab a fellow single (same sex or opposite sex) and just have fun. And there's only a few slow songs during the dancing time anyway. When I suggested that to this person, I was told that if they danced with someone, they might presume they have a crush on them and it would be too embarrassing.
• Not too loud music.
• Old music (e.g. 50s and 60s)
• No fruit skewers for the afternoon tea after the ceremony. Instead there must be scones.
• My brother must be allowed to bring a partner even though he is single and knows other people at the wedding anyway.
• I have to invite random relatives I haven't seen or heard from in years. This includes a cousin who has stood me up the last few times I've invited him to anything.
• I must wear a veil because it's tradition.
• I must go down the aisle to the Wedding March because it's tradition.
• Some people want alcohol at the reception and others don't want there to be any.
• Others have criticised our decisions and started with the "If I was getting married, I'd do this...." to which I've had to bite my tongue not to say, "Well, you're not getting married, are you."

Aaaaaaah! Is there any wonder some brides turn into bridezillas? Yes, there are some brides who are spoilt brats but I can now see that many are just pushed over the edge by interfering people who think it is their 'right' to dictate how things go.....people who are supposed to be a support and a help, not a hindrance.

And there is one person who has caused the most stress of all.....

Mother

Apparently because she is helping financially, that means she gets a say in how things pan out. I have told her repeatedly that I will NOT accept money with strings attached. I would rather elope on the beach and get to do things our way.

We clash because she is traditional and I'm not. Yes, there are many things about our wedding that are traditional but because we like it - not for the sake of tradition. My mum has complained that I don't do anything 'normal' when I mentioned that I've considered wearing either sparkly 'ruby slippers' or cowboy boots under my dress. I probably won't but if I did I'm well within my rights to do it. If I want to come down the aisle in a black leather number with fishnets or a pink tutu, I'll do it.

In my view, weddings are about two people uniting before God til death do them part. It is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and his bride and each wedding points to the ultimate wedding and banquet - when Christ returns for his people.

Yes, it is a great celebration of two families coming together but it is NOT about the family. It is not their wedding and it is not a chance for them to live their dream through their kids. As I've told my mum, "You've already had your wedding. If you want another one, go and renew your vows." Yes, I can be sharp but you need to be sometimes.

Maybe that's why I'm not great at delegating. I know if I delegate to some people, I'll end up with something completely different to what we planned. It's easier to do it myself. Sad but true.

The only people who need to agree are Duncan and myself. While some people have great ideas, I resent those who DEMAND that it be done a certain way. I mean, far out, we have been very reasonable with this wedding. We've invited everyone, we've kept it within a reasonable cost, we've considered people with special requirements such as diabetics, vegetarians and people who need wheelchair access. It's not like we're demanding all our guests be flown to England so we can get married in an expensive castle and have a reception at $500 per head.

To those who warned us about the opposition we'd face, you were right. I don't understand how you can hold a birthday party, housewarming or engagement party and everyone just goes with it but when the word 'wedding' is mentioned, everyone thinks they have a right to put in their 'orders.'

If our wedding offends you so much, I have a simple solution. Don't come!

Our day, our way, your privilege to be there.

Boy, do I feel better after that!