Tuesday, May 05, 2009


I'm a bit worried.

On Saturday night, I had what I can only guess was an anxiety attack. And it hasn't been the first time. Before Saturday, the last one I had was in February after my surgery was cancelled. I had several last year before the wedding and another couple late last year when our computer erased my book...twice (I got it back eventually).

Trying to describe it is hard because unless you've had an identical experience, it seems like I can never quite put it into words. Basically it's a feeling of terror and of powerlessness. I'm panicking over a situation I feel like is out of control, I can't breathe properly, I'm screaming or yelling and I feel like I can't relax.

I guess it's logical to assume that such a reaction is from something really bad happening. But it isn't often the case. Yes, some happened due to stressful situations (the wedding and losing my book) but the others have been caused by problems that could be easily fixed.....I just assume they can't be when I'm panicking.

Saturday, for example, was an average day. I spent the morning creating our wedding photobook (we received a Momento gift voucher as a present), then watched the bitterly disappointing Western Derby and afterwards went for a walk with the animals to walk off some of my annoyance. When Duncan got home from golf, we had dinner then watched a DVD and then I continued to work on the photobook. But when I went to order it online, it wouldn't accept my gift voucher and it ended up charging the full amount to my debit card. Then I had an attack. Everything is a bit of a blur about what I actually said but basically I was freaking out that they wouldn't understand when I rang them and wouldn't give me my $100 back because I realised I had typed in a wrong digit and that's why the website wouldn't accept the voucher.

After it's over, I can look back and think that I was a complete fool with no sense of reason whatsoever. But that's the thing; when I have one of these attacks, I lose all sense of reason. I can only see that it could easily be fixed when I'm feeling better. And it doesn't always happen over either an everyday situation or a really stressful situation. It is really random, may not happen for months at a time during which I feel completely fine and I can only be thankful that it has never happened in public.

Because I was so anxious and couldn't calm down and go to sleep, I had to take a sleeping pill...which meant I was a zombie the next day and felt quite unwell.

Duncan gets really worried because he doesn't know what to do but he thinks it is a reaction I'm having to the Pill. At first, I doubted this when he told me but he pointed out that all of the attacks bar one (which happened when we were experiencing opposition when we were first going out) have happened since I started taking the Pill. I have never experienced any physical side effects and have never heard of the Pill causing anxiety attacks. A friend told me the Pill made her really moody though so it's making me think.

I'm planning to see my doctor in Perth soon hopefully to sort this out once and for all.

Has anyone ever heard of the Pill doing this?!?


a said...

Not for me personally but yes I have heard of certain types of the pill causing high levels of anxiety. I will ask a friend who said she had this reaction and see what she says.

bek said...

I reckon the pill messes with things that are too important to mess with.

My doctor tried puttin me onto medication STRAIGHT after I had Eme...I'm not using anything..we like to live life on the edge ;)

When I was on the pill years ago it made me pretty moody...though all my dr.s said that there were NO side-effects...pffft

I would hop off it if I were you. The female body is complicated and you dont want to fool around with it. One of my friends is having a really hard time falling pregnant after going on too many contraceptions..its heartbreaking to see

Sarah said...

But what would I use if I wasn't on the Pill? We don't want kids yet neither do we want what's happening to your friend happening to us in a few years time.