His Ways Are Not My Ways

This year isn't panning out how I thought it would.  That is an understatement to say the least.

Looking back to my 5 Hopes For 2013 I can hardly believe how naive I was.  I was so unprepared to have a baby it's not funny.  While it's fair to say that no-one can ever be fully prepared for parenthood, I glance backwards over my shoulder and wonder how I thought I would ever be happy with 'surviving'.  I knew life would change, but I could never fully comprehend or adapt to it.

It's now April and I'm not where I thought I'd be.  I thought I'd have found a new rhythm by now.  I thought I'd be able to go out and about with Rory without being fraught with anxiety.  I never imagined I'd be suffering from depression and in hospital.  This was not my plan.

I have to keep reminding myself that although it was not my plan, it is from God's hand.  I can't see behind the scenes.  I just have to put one foot after the other in faith, even though I cannot see more than a few steps ahead into the fog.