Mind Dump

I need to get some stuff off my chest.  Facebook is not the appropriate place because there is always at least one idiot who will write something patronising, mocking and just plain stupid.  Sorry if you feel as exhausted as I do after reading this.

The past few weeks in particular have been more than a bit stressful:

• The news about Rory's allergies and the need to rehome Ebony has been causing the most mental anguish.  He needs to drink a special dairy-free formula called Elecare, which isn't available locally, so we need to order it.  I ordered it through our local pharmacy but it costs a whopping $50 for a tiny tin which only lasts a few days!  So I looked online and ordered a big box full of it off ebay (even with shipping due to coming from the US it still worked out to be cheaper).
• I have been becoming more and more depressed with the thought of giving Ebony away.  Every day I look at her thinking she isn't going to be my cat for much longer.  It's this state of limbo which is causing me stress.  A few potential new owners who I have chased up turned out not to be interested.  However, I have been in touch with one guy who lives on a farm about an hour from here.  Duncan is taking her to meet him and, if it goes well, she will become his kitty.
• Some of the allergy treatment options we've been exploring are just too expensive and we can't afford it.  We can't afford to go to Melbourne to see the naturopath a friend of ours saw; we will just have to find someone here.  Both Rory and I have had blood tests to see how our levels are in all sorts of things (14-month-old + blood test = more stress).
• I've been frustrated and angry at some people (including family members) who have used the situation to get on their soapbox about how they feel about doctors/naturopaths/allergies/food etc.  They've said stuff like, "Don't let us tell you what to do," then got in a huff when we've made decisions contrary to what they would do.  It's got to the stage where I just can't have open relationships with some people and can't even let them know the little day-to-day things that are happening in our lives because all they want to do is lecture us.
• Health issues are just so confusing!  There are a million voices out there all saying different things.
• Our finances have been a bit dire.  We've limped from payday to payday, and it doesn't help when the payroll lady from the farm sometimes forgets to do the pays!  I told Duncan I think I need to go back to work, but he reckons the stress from working and looking after Rory would not be good for me (and I know he's probably right).  I don't get where our money is going.  I've checked the bank statement and it all seems to go on food and fuel.  We've had to make the hard decision to not have private health insurance (at least not at the same level) because we just can't afford it.  If we have a second child, we'll go public in Albany.  It's disappointing because I'd like to go back to the same obstetrician in Perth again, but there are so many hidden costs when you go private, it will cripple us.  Part of the reason I want to go private again is I'm terrified I'll get PND again and the public system will chuck me out after a couple of days.
• My body has gone haywire since I started giving up breastfeeding.  When I gave up the lunchtime feed after Rory's first birthday, I started gaining weight like never before - all on my stomach!  Even though I made sure I ate healthily and smaller portions, the weight kept stacking on.  By the time I'd finished breastfeeding entirely at the end of February, I looked like I was about 4-5 months pregnant (and a few people were staring at my belly with the 'Is she or isn't she?' look).  I've had fevers and aches associated with my arthritis several times now, I'm tired all the time with very low energy reserves.  When Duncan's home, I sleep for hours during the day which I know is not normal.  I've also had irritable bowel symptoms since I had gastro in October; I can't drink milk anymore.
• I had my first panic attack for a while on Monday.  I think that's a sign that I need to arrest the slide....fast.

That's enough for now.  I need a rest.