Another one I found in my inbox...
1. No-one is listening until you fart.
2. Sex is like air - it's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
4. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a few mortgage payments.
5. Before criticising someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
8. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
9. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
10. Never, under any circumstances, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.