It's baaaaaaaaaaack! The dating school that answers all your burning questions about one of the most talked about topics in Christian circles (well kind of).
I must confess, I again struggled with my motives for reviving the dating school. Now suppose, just suppose that all of my 'graduates' go on to become happily married one day partly because of advice they heard on this blog (God would also have a big hand in them getting married of course). Maybe they'll all be married and I'll be a shrivelled old spinster lady watching from afar. Hmmmmm, maybe that's just selfish and if people enjoy this dating school then I'll keep it going. Besides, I've looked at my previous couple of posts which all have 0 comments. I got 18 on the last dating post (even though many of them were me responding). Time to bump up my number of comments people!!!
As I promised in the comments section of Lesson 2, this lesson is going to be all about whether girls should ask guys out, initiate romantic relationships/courtships - however you want to put it. There is so much debate on this topic amongst Christians. On one side we have the 'Men should do it' group and on the other side we have the 'It doesn't matter' group. I'm going to explore the arguments of both and then offer my opinion. Then I'd like you to leave a comment and let me know yours.
MEN SHOULD DO IT
This group firmly believes that men should initiate romantic relationships with women as this is a fulfilment of their God-given role to lead. To support their arguments, they often quote Ephesians 5:22-33 about the husband being the head of the wife and argue that if a man is to lead a relationship, that should include starting it in the first place. If the woman initiates it then that will set a bad pattern if the couple marry with the wife leading her husband.
Here are some sites/blogs I've found which believe that men should be initiators.
http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/courtship/index.html (read the first two posts).
http://www.crosswalk.com/community/singles/1313228.html
Last year I received the following forwarded email:
"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Share this with women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!"
Basically, the argument is that men are built to pursue and when they want a relationship, no amount of shyness or fear of rejection is going to stop them. The woman's role is to wait for the right man to come along, although this doesn't mean women have to be passive and can't develop friendships with men. Men learn to trust God by asking, despite fear of rejection. Women learn to trust God by waiting and resisting temptation to 'make something happen'.
IT DOESN'T MATTER
As you may have guessed (well duh)...this group believe it doesn't matter whether the man or the woman initiates the relationship. There is no scripture that says the man must do it, only that the husband should lead in marriage. Many guys echo this statement by saying they like it when a woman approaches them because it takes the pressure off.
There are the arguments. Where do I stand? Personally, I prefer to be asked by the guy and I believe women can make it easier for guys by being gracious and truthful, even if they want to decline his offer (see Lesson 1). I'd rather be chased than have to drop hints. I really don't think it's my role as a woman. However, that doesn't mean I look down on women who ask men out.
What do you think? Guys, are you pursuers or are you quite happy for women to ask you out? Girls, are you waiters or do you like making the first move? Do you have a set opinion or really don't care?
Read the articles/blogs I linked to and comment away.
6 comments:
i am really forward in most aspects of my life. however whenever it came to the dating scene, i chose to take a step back. i wanted to feel "chased" and wanted. I wanted to know that the bloke had asked me because he had chosen to. I dont have anything against chicks who ask guys out, it was more a personal preference in this matter.
I myself am a firm believer in the guy asking but, again, wouldn't say anything to someone if the opposite happened. Whenever I like a girl but I do feel it is somehow my duty to see how things are going and if I feel they may be heading down a relationship path, be the one to ask. It means I have had to put up with a fair bit of rejection and the like but most times the girl has respected me for clearing things up and having the courage to ask.
Wow! See, 2 comments already!
Hmm, Swipper comments that it's part of a process rather than a clear cut one-off action. There may be small signs that a guy likes you, and how you respond to those signs will influence his further actions and so on. So, dropping hints is part of being chased.
And, I'm still not sure what's going on when you say "Guys, are you pursuers or are you quite happy for women to ask you out? Girls, are you waiters or do you like making the first move?" - exactly what is the first move? Like, if a girl asks a guy to dance is that "the first move" / initiating things? Or can a girl do all sort of things and you wouldn't consider it "the first move" until the guy explicitly verbalises romantic intentions?
It's not going to get you anywhere if a guy has some level of interest in you but you just sit there like a brick, you have to give positive signs back.
I also think it depends a lot on the personalities of the individual people involved.
But then what would I know? In the past I've just asked God, and told other people rather than the person concerned, and only told the person themselves when it was too late.
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Fear not, your graduates who marry will invite you to their weddings, where you will meet Mr P Charming, the Headmaster of Prince Charming's Romance Academy. Together you will have charming children. After getting married, I mean. And you can have a Capybara as an interesting pet. Until it burrows underneath your house and causes it to collapse.
I'm sorry, it's late again, I'm tired again. Bye.
Good comments people. Darth Terios, by the 'first move', I meant the girl practically asking the guy out or 'verbalising romantic intentions' as you put it - not asking someone to dance (which doesn't necessarily mean the person asking is romantically interested).
I agree about girls responding to guys' interest. It's no good liking the guy back but keeping it hidden or being an ice queen. If someone was pursuing me and I liked them back, I would match their efforts at getting to know me or whatever by giving positive signs in return. It's a scary thing, letting someone know you're interested - the least girls could do is make it as less scary for the guy as possible.
yeah dont leave the guy hanging like i did to russell. After telling me that he liked me on the curb outside one of my friends places, i said nothing. i was a little shocked and wasnt sure what to say so i said nothing. just nodded my head! he said it was one of the most uncomfortable periods of time in his life!! But it all worked out anyway!
a really good topic! I think that everyone is different, and what may apply to some, not to others. As I have found out myself. If you, that is he/she, asks someone out, then that person has to be prepared to have a answer they won't like. AND 'have' to respect that person for their answer.
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