Guest Etiquette

This post will probably repeat some of the stuff I wrote about in Host Etiquette, but being a guest requires different sorts of manners in my book.  Since being married, Duncan and I have not only had many opportunities to improve our hosting skills, but, due to our frequent travelling, we've also been guests many times ourselves.

Here's what we will not do in others' houses and what we expect of our own guests:

• We will be VERY quiet when getting up in the morning, realising that some people we stay with are night owls and therefore not 'morning people'.  Duncan's body clock tends to wake him at 6am even when he's not working (typical farmhand) so it's fine for us to get up early, but it doesn't mean the whole household has to.
• You break it, you pay for it...unless the host insists it is not necessary.  It's always good manners if you, your child, or your pet breaks something, then to at least offer to replace it, rather than shrug your shoulders and demand grace.  Once when we were in Albany, Maya was a bit miffed that Ellie, our old family cat, snubbed her so she ripped Ellie's bed to pieces.  We offered to replace it, but my mum thought it was more hilarious than anything.  Ellie was horrified.
• We will not touch things that should not be touched.  I have no problem with people looking through my CDs or books, but rifling through drawers is a big no-no.
• We will not complain about the food our hosts serve, nor do we like being complained to after we have slaved our guts out preparing a feast.  We will not force things on people's plates though, rather we prefer to let everyone serve themselves.
• We will not demand that our hosts abandon watching their favourite TV programmes so we can watch ours.  I will tape shows if I have a guest over, but I do not like being made to feel guilty if a guest wants to watch something when my favourite programme is on.  If you're going to someone's house, set your own VCR beforehand to record the show.
• We will try and spend some time with our hosts so they don't feel we are using their house as a hotel.  We've actually failed in this area in the past when staying with people *big slap on the wrist*.
• We will not dramatically change our house or living arrangements.  While we will make some necessary adjustments, it is rude to insist someone change their home layout if we are only visiting once in a blue moon and for a couple of days.
• We will offer to wash up, help out with housework etc, but if the hosts say no, we won't push it.  I actually don't expect guests to help at all.  They are guests, and we are more than happy for them to sit back and relax.  I've figured if I or someone else is being more of a hindrance than a help, then it's best to back off.  Some people think they're being helpful, but they're not.  I know people mean well, but putting things in the wrong drawers just means I can't find things later on.  That's why I'm getting people to wash or dry dishes, if they offer, and I'll put them away.  Also, our kitchen is small so I don't like people hovering in there, it's claustrophobic.
• We will not criticise the host's cooking skills.  I've had people come over when I've been cooking, joking that they're the health inspector, or trying to take over and telling me I'm doing it wrong.  For goodness sake, go away, that's just annoying.

When being a guest or having guests, I feel it's important to have a balance between familiarity and respect.  I like my guests to feel comfortable and at home; I don't want them to feel like they're in a museum.  However, some basic respect for the house and its occupants is also vital, such as smoking outside and not walking on the carpet with muddy feet for instance.

If you're going to come and stay,
Here are some things to make my day.
Let the cooks do their thing,
Quit the hovering and criticising.

Keep your fingers to yourself,
Don't break that item on the shelf.
If you do, offer to pay,
Demanding grace is not the way.

In the morning, don't make a peep,
Let the hosts enjoy their sleep.
Everything will go smoothly then,
And you'll be invited back again.