While Rory and I were in hospital, my pastor came to visit one afternoon and asked how I was going spiritually. It's tempting while suffering to look for reasons why bad things happen to us. "Why, God? Why me? What is your purpose in this?" My pastor encouraged me to look at the big picture of what God is doing in the world, that is reconciling all things to Himself in Christ. Somehow what is happening to me is part of His universal plan to bring everything under Christ's feet.
I was primarily focusing on what God is doing in me through suffering, moulding and refining me to make me more like His Son. But as my pastor said, sometimes our suffering is not just for us. Sometimes it's for others as well. God may well be using this to grow me in Christlikeness, but my suffering is also giving others the chance to grow as they learn to love and serve someone with depression. Maybe this is for my church who have been so fantastic in caring for me and my little family. Maybe this is for Duncan's boss who has been so gracious in giving Duncan time off. Maybe this is for my non-Christian family as they see what it looks like to follow Jesus when you're in the valley. It could be for any number of people.
I could drive myself mad asking, "Why?" God is the one weaving the tapestry and all of those threads that weave together so intricately create the big picture.
I don't need to know the ins and outs of what God is doing, but I do need to focus on the big picture. That big picture is Christ, for as I look back to the cross, I have solid evidence that God loves me.
How God works is up to Him. He is in control. I just need to trust.